Where Have I Gone?

Wrote this 9/2/2010, not too long after ending a terrible relationship.

Where have I gone?

Lost in the throes of a dozen orgasms that never happened

Abandoned in the deep ends of a dozen swimming pools

Hidden behind the lies that kept me out of trouble

Trapped in my own home and suffocated by rules

Where have I gone?

I look into the mirror but it's not myself I see

But another girl who seems to know everything

A girl who exudes confidence, defiance, strength, power,

Not even a girl but a woman I never imagined being.

What happened to me?

Somewhere in the past of broken hearts and shattered dreams

Among the awesome grades and swimming goals achieved

Given to the boys who convinced me they were men who cared

I must have lost the faith and standards in which I once believed.

What can be done?

So I take away the mask, all the confidence and pride

And see all of the people I've become and used to hide

The little girl who's scared to do the things she said she would

And I know that I'm included in the people to whom I've lied.