A man tries to recite a limerick but is constantly interrupted with antics from randoms!
|I know being a screenplay, this is hard to read, but stay tuned for the Youtube video of when it gets acted out, link posted soon!
The Man from Germange
By Nathan Atkinson
MR. NO NAME
COUSIN NO NAME
SCENE – Circular bare stage.
MAN – Their once was a man from Germange…
MR. NO NAME – (Walks in and interrupts) Germange?? What kind of word is that? If you ask me, that place doesn’t exist!
MAN – (Clears throat) Excuse me, I was reciting a limerick and you interrupted me
MR. NO NAME – Oh, I’m sorry, go ahead, I’ll just sit here, don’t mind me…
MAN – Now where was I…Their once was a man from Germange who …
MR. NO NAME – (Interrupts) Germange? What kind of a word is that? If you ask me that place doesn’t exist!
MAN – What? We already went through this!
MR. NO NAME – Did we? Oh, I’m sorry, go ahead, I’ll just sit here, don’t mind me …
MAN – What do you want? Who are you?
MR. NO NAME – Who am I? Now that my friend is a very good question! I am who I am?
MAN – But that doesn’t make sense!
MR. NO NAME – No my friend…you don’t make sense …
MAN – What! I make perfect sense … I’m reciting a limerick, and you come charging in here …
MR. NO NAME – Oh I’m sorry; I won’t do it again
MAN – (Angry) interrupting me!!
MR. NO NAME – Oh I’m sorry, go ahead, I’ll just sit here; don’t mind me.
MAN – Good! (Turns back to him) Their once was a man …
MR. NO NAME – A man? Why not a woman? I think that’s. That’s… what’s the word?
MAN – (Louder) there was a man from Germange
MR. NO NAME – If you’re reciting a limerick, good luck finding something rhyming with Germange (Pause) what kind of a word is that anyway?
MAN – Termange? Zermange? Nermange? (Sighs) This bizarre man is right. Nothing rhymes with Germange!
MR. NO NAME – This bizarre man is right. Nothing rhymes with Germange!
MAN – (Angry) I just said that!!
MR. NO NAME – I just said that!
MAN – (Yells) I know you just said that; but I said it first!!
MR. NO NAME – Well! Well! (Pause and thinks. Says proudly and folds arms) You might have said it first but I said it second!
MAN – OK! Ok, You said it second, congratulations. Go over there and celebrate. (Points) I have to finish my limerick.
MR. NO NAME – (Says proudly) Ok! (Starts chanting and skips to the corner where man pointed) I said it second! I said it second!
MAN – (Mutters) finally now I can get back to my limerick. Their once was a man from Germange. Who said he …
MR. NO NAME – (Pops a balloon) I said it second! (Blows a celebration whistle)
MAN – (Yells) who said he liked … he liked!
MR. NO NAME – Cake! I feel like cake!
MAN – (Turns and stomps over to Mr. No Name) Cake! You want cake!
MR. NO NAME – Yes, for goodness sake! Hey wait! (Pause) Cake. (Pause) Sake! That rhymes! Maybe I should be the one reciting a limerick!
MAN – It was my idea! I thought it first!
MR. NO NAME – Well I thought it second!
MAN – You really annoy me! I dislike you and I don’t even know your name!
MR. NO NAME – My name? Why do you want to know my name? Besides you don’t like me! And I don’t talk to people who dislike me!
MAN – Fine … (Attempts to say sorry) Sorraaa. Rie. Sorrraie… Oh! You know what I am!
MR. NO NAME – Do I? You’re Soddy? Sooty? Sour?
MAN – No! Oh! I’m not good at this … (pause) Here let me mime it out for you! (Begins miming out sorry)
MR. NO NAME – Um … On fire? A train? Hmmm… you’re a … a … woman?
MAN – (Stops and stares. Shakes head signaling no rapidly)
MR. NO NAME – You’re a man shaking his head? No! You’re hungry! By the way that reminds me, I feel like cake.
MAN – (Jumping up and down. Runs from side to side)
MR. NO NAME – Oh I don’t know… (Sits down) I just wish you would say sorry.
MAN – (Jumps up and down excitedly pointing)
MR. NO NAME – What? I have food in my teeth?
MAN – (Yells) NO!! IM SORRY!!
MR. NO NAME – Oh…why didn’t you say so?
MAN – Never mind, am I forgiven?
MR. NO NAME – What I was mad at you?
MAN – (Yells) I’m beginning to get very angry!
MR. NO NAME – (Pouts) well if I wasn’t mad at you before, I certainly am now!
MAN – Listen if you’re not going to tell me your name, I would appreciate it if you would vamoose!
MR. NO NAME – My name? The question we should be asking is ‘do I have a name’
MAN – Fine! Do you have a name?
MR. NO NAME – (laughs) of course I have a name! Everyone has a name!
MAN – But you just hinted that you don’t have a name!
MR. NO NAME – (Angrily) you don’t make any sense. I think I would know if I had a name!
MAN – Fine you have a name, what is it?
MR. NO NAME – Name? That’s a funny word…. Na-Me (plays with the sounds of the word)
MAN – You know, I don’t really care weather you have a name or not! (Long silence, both men stare at each other then Mr. No Name gazes off into distance. Man yells) Just tell me your name!!
MR. NO NAME – (Silence. Mr. No Name in complete daze) George
MAN – (Smiles) you’re name is George?
MR. NO NAME – My name is George?
MAN – You just said you’re name is George!
MR. NO NAME – (Silence) I’m hungry!
MAN – You’re name is Hungry! I thought you said your name was George!!
MR. NO NAME – It is? Ha! What do ya know!
MAN – (Angry) I don’t care! I really don’t! I’m going to finish my Limerick! And completely ignore you! (Silence. Waits for Mr. No Names reaction then begins) their once was a man from Germange!
MR. NO NAME – (Burps)
MAN – (Disgusted) why did you do that?
MR. NO NAME – (Innocent) Do what?
MAN – You know? Make a foul, repulsive, sound out of your mouth!
MR. NO NAME – I did?
MAN – Yes you did! You’re disgusting!
MR. NO NAME – (Smiles proudly) I know I am. Aren’t I? I’m so that! I couldn’t have used a better word!! (Looks at man. half smiling) That’s a good thing right?
MAN – No it’s not a good thing. I can’t be bothered explaining, it’s not worth the breath saying it!
MR. NO NAME – Well could you explain it with out taking a breath?
MAN – (Yells) NO! (Looks at ground, and counts to five. Says in calmer voice) no … besides I have to finish my limerick. So if you don’t mind …
MR. NO NAME – No I don’t mind …
MAN – (smiles) Good, There one was a man from Germange. His home was like …
MR. NO NAME – (Interrupts) I’ll just sit here and amuse myself … I wonder where I could find some cake?
MAN – Fine… you win! I won’t recite a limerick! I’ll amuse you; I mean that’s what you want. That’s what you selfishly want! To think of you not me!
MR. NO NAME – (Smiles) what was that? I win! (Yells in excitement) I WIN!! What’s the prize?
MAN – What? It was called the ‘guilt trip’! You’re meant to feel bad and let me do what I want!
MR. NO NAME – Really? Oh … fine then. I’ll sit here all on my lonesome … by myself … with no one near me … (Looks at ground and wipes away a tear)
MAN – Oh! Um... Well I could put aside my limerick for five minutes …
MR. NO NAME – (Still looking at ground) All by my widdle self …
MAN – Did I say five minutes! I really meant ten … yes ten minutes!
MR. NO NAME – I feel so alone … it’s getting dark, I feel trapped! The worlds closing in on me! Get me out! (Shakes man)
MAN – Fine I won’t do it at all! That’s right, I’ll amuse you forever!
MR. NO NAME – (Smiles) Really? You’re right this guilt trip stuff works!
MAN – (Yells) you mean you’re not really upset? I can still finish my limerick?
MR. NO NAME – Finish your limerick! (Gasps) The walls their closing … closer…closer
MAN – Your little guilt trips not going to work this time!
MR. NO NAME – Closer!
MAN – I’m not listening! (Puts hands over ears) La la la!
MR. NO NAME – (Silence) Fine! If you don’t want to listen to me! I’m gonna…gonna … (Looks at ground) Go over to the corner … (Walks to corner. Begins walking around round stage looking for a corner)
MAN – Finally! Now I can get back to reciting my limerick! Their once was a man from Germange!’
Cousin No Name enters
COUSIN NO NAME – Germange! What kind of a word is that, if you ask me that place doesn’t exist!
MAN – What! Who’s distracting me now!!
COUSIN NO NAME – Someone’s distracting you? Who’s distracting you?
MAN – You are!
COUSIN NO NAME – ‘you are’s’ distracting you?
MR. NO NAME – I’m beginning to think that I’m not going to find a corner… (Looks up and notices new arrival. Excited) Cousin? Is that you?
COUSIN NO NAME – (Depressed) yes, it’s me … (Whispers to man) Do you think he saw me? I hope not… I think he’s crazy …(Twirls fingers around head)
MR. NO NAME – (yells) COUSIN!! It’s so good to see you!! (Hugs Cousin No Name. Looks at ground and mutters) Did you bring the Others?
COUSIN NO NAME – (Smiles) they never leave my side! They’ll be here any minute!
MAN – um … excuse me… Others? I hope their no more of you … (Mr. No Name walks up beside man and whispers)
MR. NO NAME – (Whispers) actually … there is no others … my cousins are bit strange … ‘the others’ are invisible … all in his head…
MAN – (Pause) so does your cousin have a name?
COUSIN NO NAME – Yes of course, everyone has a name … I am who I am… I…
MAN – (Interrupts) Oh really … I think I have already gone through this once! Forget I asked!
COUSIN NO NAME – (Whispers loudly to Mr. No Name) I think your friends (Twirls fingers around head) crazy!
MAN – I heard that!
COUSIN NO NAME – (Still whispering) now he’s hearing things!
MAN – I’m right here! Stop ignoring me!
COUSIN NO NAME – (Whispering continues) is he talking to us?
MAN – Of course I’m talking to you! I’m not crazy! (Pause) I don’t think I’m crazy! (Pause) I mean I have been feeling weird lately. (Pause) Maybe you two don’t even exist…
COUSIN NO NAME – (Whispers Loudly to man) I think you’re (Twirls fingers around head) crazy
MR. NO NAME – I don’t exist! Oh no! What if I don’t exist! What if I’m all in my head!
COUSIN NO NAME – (Whispers loudly to both men) I think you’re both (Twirls fingers around head) crazy.
MAN – Look what you’ve done, I am now unsure if I’m crazy!! All I wanted to do was recite a limerick, and you two come barging in here …
COUSIN NO NAME – Oh sorry I won’t do it again
MAN – (yells) interrupting me! You two are exactly alike and I can’t handle it anymore!
COUSIN NO NAME – (Whispers loudly to Mr. No Name) I think your friends…
MAN – (Yells) No more! (Points to Mr. No Name) You’re annoying. Interrupting me, never letting me finish my limerick!
COUSIN NO NAME – And he’s crazy.
MAN – And you! I hate to tell you this there is no such thing as invisible people! I’ll say it slowly! It’s all in your head!
COUSIN NO NAME – But The Others …
MAN – There is no …
‘The Others’ enters
THE OTHERS – Did someone call my name?
MAN – (sighs) What now?
COUSIN NO NAME – The Others! They’re here!
MR. NO NAME – (Patronizing) Yes cousin, they are here …
MAN – Can’t you see them?
MR. NO NAME – See whom? I can see you. (Points to man) and you (points to Cousin No Name.) but I can’t see you (points to ‘The Others’.)
THE OTHERS – You can’t see me?
MR. NO NAME – No I can’t see you.
THE OTHERS – Really?
MR. NO NAME – Yes I’m quite sure.
THE OTHERS – oh ok … because I mean if you could see me we would be having a conversation and we’re not doing that … are we?
MR. NO NAME – Yep. No conversation! So you see, I can see no one else but you two!
MAN – I guess you’re right … maybe he’s not there! It doesn’t matter … what matters is my limerick… So if you three …
MR. NO NAME – Two!
MAN – (Yells) Fine TWO!
THE OTHERS – It’s not nice to exclude people you know
MAN – (Yells) you people! Just leave me alone and let me start! And finish my limerick!
MAN – (Calmer) thank you. Now where was I? What was that word again? Graminge? Feminge? Balinge? (Yells) Now look what you did! (Despairingly) I’ve forgotten the beginning of my limerick! Now I’ll have to start all over again … (Sighs)
Their once was a man from Hariki! Who …
All – Hariki? What kind of a place is that? If you ask me, that place doesn’t exist!