Adventures in life, weight of the strife
|Do you ever stop and ponder what the consequences of your actions will be? Even through our everyday motions and paces, we are molded and consumed by every choice we make, every interaction we are involved in, just, everything!
I recently set my mind to work on a current interaction in my own life. In these brain-warming and storming sessions, I make a very conscious and blatant effort to remove, what I like to refer to as, my 'girl mind'. This allows enough emotion into the equation to be realistic, but does not overtake logic, which is an insanely frequent happening with the masses.
Now you must first be graced with a few facts about myself in order to comprehend, in full, this tale I'm going to elicit. I am an insanely independent and strong-minded woman who believes it best I spend the rest of my time on this planet without a partner in which to make a priority in my life. I am thoroughly contented by the support and love my family and friends bring to the table, and vice versa, and I'd preference putting any outside efforts into my established relationships. My practice of this theory also helps in the prevention of spreading myself too thin in general. On the professional end, I balance freelance writing, modeling, and selling cars. My hobbies include psychology, politics, reading, cooking, sports and many other odds and ends. Point and case, I've filled my time and efforts with positives and passions of mine, enough variety to keep me challenged, yet no major room for any pessimistic outcomes, life's curveballs are quite enough!
Not but a few months ago, an acquaintance of mine and myself recruited each other to assist in addressing our more primal and bestial needs, in the bedroom. Monogamy is key in this arrangement, as I do not venture out and seek multiple partners, and openly do not expect to endure the consequences of one that does. I do believe that might be where my mistake is conceived, for, at least with myself, a certain connection and understanding of ones partner is necessary in order to have above average sexual relations. Coupling the one-partner aspect and necessity of a good connection, my estrogen ridden body attempted encouraging an advancement in the current situation, which I was prepared for and quickly demolished. My partner is a man of many experiences, and has spent a large majority of his adult life in a titled relationship. In my initial plan, this was a huge positive. Someone who could absorb the fruits of the single life very willingly. Now, I have some peculiar emotions arising, and I'm not sure as to their source. I do not want to make him feel inadequate in any way, since I am not actively pursuing any kind of expansion of our relationship. Alas, at the same time, swallowing my minds constantly howling for the want to be want is getting quite cumbersome. Society is the one that instills it in our minds that we're meant to be with a partner in the long run. Is it going to take me just as long to veer from that mindset as it took to root it in to my brain? Although it gives me fuel for writing, and a bit of exercise for my brain, I'm not particular to this conundrum.
Essentially, time will work this entire situation out to its potential, whatever it may be. My concern pertains to there being no pain or negative effects from it all. And ultimately may be the deciding factor to whether I indulge in another on this level again, or if I direct my focuses on mental pleasures versus a physical one.