Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1843628-Am-I-Awake
by Froggy
Rated: 13+ · Monologue · Contest Entry · #1843628
Recurrent dream, relationship, death of former spouse,
I have apparently lost my once repetitive dream of falling endlessly. It is not that I wish to find it again and re-dream it, but I am curious as to where a formerly relentless,persistent and fearful dream would go. Has any one else seen it?

The part of the dream that I remember vividly is being afraid. I used to wake up soaking wet and be so relieved that I was not falling. Also, I was a bit concerned about being so wet from, what I supposed, was nervous sweat. The dreams always seemed to have a "soak" setting in them like a washing machine. Also, my spouse,Maggie, played along with the washing machine metaphor by acting as the buzzer and gently entering to end the dream asking "Are you all right?". I never really had a clever answer for her, but once I knew I was not falling anymore and was only hot and wet, I could at least mumble something to indicate I was OK. And then I would ask her to give me back the covers she stole while in her "spin" cycle.

Thinking back on the dream I don't think I was really falling as in downward, but drifting in suspended space that had no up or down or sideways. I thought I was falling because I knew gravity would pull me down if I was suspended in space, but I think now that there was no indication of gravity as I understand gravity. None of my hair was blowing back in the wind of a fall with deadly altitude. Also, there were no other objects lighter in weight or of a different shape or texture that were flying by me in either direction. So I don't think dreams have gravity. If they did, I think all human heads would be flatter on one side or the other than they already are.

So what was the fear about? I think I know now. I think that being alone while suspended in any environment is fearful. I think some people, like me, are not meant to be alone either in our dreams or while awake. Some people, like me, need to be with a matching kind of human in this "laundry room" of life. I know there was a time when love died for me. I know the fearful dreams stopped when my Maggie awakened me many times with that same question, "Are you alright?". I no longer have fearful dreams as I did in the past. I am no longer floating in a bottomless void. Now we are awake and moistened by choice and mutual agreement and not my fears. The covers are never on me though. We are alright and so am I.

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