by bob county
Satinic science in the classroom..
"Wow Mrs. Cain is hot." Seth snickered to his buddies.
Mrs. Cain tapped on the podium with her ruby ring. The class opened
their text and recited the anthem of the New World Order:
"We believe in one people united for truth and justice
Mrs. Cain asked Seth to come to the front of the class. "I heard your
remark. Do you think I am a sexual object?" she asked the 16 year old.
"Ah-no mam." Seth started to blush. Mrs. Cain smiled and patted him on
the shoulder as he returned to his desk. "What is the purpose of sexual
attraction?" Mrs. Cain queried. Jessie waved her hand, "It's a hard on!"
The class laughed. Mrs. Cain tapped her ruby ring on the chalk board
and began to write in red chalk.
"The process of producing offspring in certain sorts of plants
and animals between two groups, male and female, different
in structure is to partake in the operation in reproduction in
a ratio of the number of males to females in a given group."
"Seth. Please stand." Mrs. Cain spoke in a proper English accent, but
she was a Turk. Seth complied. "What do you find attractive about me?"
the teacher continued. Seth cleared his throat, "Well-ah, your legs..um
and breasts.." He was very nervous. Mrs. Cain gave a toothy smile.
"These are sexual cues. The male instinct is to be focus on the females
breasts and thighs. Full breasts and thighs imply a healthy female.
Do you believe you could have sex with me?" the teacher smiled broadly.
Seth tilted his head in shame, "I-um.. I was just joking." Mrs. Cain nodded
her head in agreement, "Your faith as failed you. A male must be confident
in his pursuit of a female. A lack of confidence belies weakness and poor
breeding. Do you masturbate?" The class chuckled. Seth ran his hand over
the top of his head slowly, "Sometimes.."
"Masturbation is very common amongst males, who fail to
attract females." Mrs. Cain walked Seth up to the chalk board.
"I would like the girls in the class to honestly describe Seth's attractive
features." Jessie waved her hand, "He has cute lips and big eyes."
The class laughed. Seth face was dripping sweat. "Jessie. How would you
describe his body?" Mrs. Cain asked. "Scrawny." Jessie giggled.
The class laughed. "Would you have sex with Seth?" Mrs. Cain pushed on.
Jessie blushed, "Ah-maybe not." "How many girls here, by a show of hands
want to have sex with Seth?" the teacher queried. No hands were raised.
Seth was slouching over looking at the floor. Mrs. Cain put her extendable
metal pointer under his chin and raised his chin up. "Straighten up." she
snapped. Seth looked pale.
"Show me how you dance." Mrs. Cain said in a piercing voice.
Seth began to dance like a fool. Mrs. Cain snapped her pointer across the
chalk board, "Dancing is a mating ritual practiced in every culture and species."
"Wha-do you want me to do?" Seth slurred in embarrassment. Mrs. Cain
told Seth to hop. Seth hopped about and the class broke out in cheers.
Mrs. Cain clapped her hands and the class joined in rhythm to Seth's hopping.
She placed her hand on his shoulder to stop him.
"Now Seth I hope you understand what sexual harassment is." Mrs. Cain
said with a Cheshire Cat smile, "You may go change your pants."
Seth had urinated. The class whistled and applauded Seth's exit...
Reflections: If something cannot be proven, then it is a failure.
Science does not tolerate failure.