Prologue to the tales of the red willow
this time this is over.
Finally it has all ended...
I watch the blood tainting the floor as I fall down in my bedroom.
I hold the blade in my hand, defiled with my blood and this feeling
in my whole body.I am cold, so cold, as if all warmth had left me..
I slowly sink, now this is quiet, there are no more noises..
No voices anymore, so silent, so quiet...
and suddenly, something is wrong...I feel more and more awake
I feel...more aware...I hear some noise out there !
No ! it just cannot happen ! I do not agree !
No, please this isn't what I was looking for ! Wait, a light ?
What is that ?!
No, don't take me out !! No !! No...
Soil..The pain. I am. Forest.. Where.. Out.. Sores.. arms.. I..am.. scarred...But.. not.. remember..
I saw a light, a great light that shined on me...And then, it is now. I am in what seems to be a forest. I do not know who I am.
I begin to wander around the place to try and settle this place in my mind.
I do not recognize anything, but I feel rather...familiar with this place... Yes, it seems that I have to know it.
Then the voices come. I can hear them, but I cannot understand what they are saying. I do not understand that language...
And now I see some kinds of...pictures. A man, with a stick in his left hand, talking to a young man. The man with the stick, seems to be some kind of teacher, waves his right hand in the air, in a strange way... Then nothing at all, only this weirdly familiar forest and the song of a bird that breaks the silence.
Watching around me, I try to make my thoughts clear.
I am...someone, no, I know who I am but..(forbidden)..it is like I cannot access to the information..
this will surely come back later...And always the voices that come back inside my head, again and again.
I begin to understand something(wake up), it is like someone(welcome back, my dear...) is talking to me,
but I just cannot remind who it is. I try not to notice the voices, and I slowly begin to walk around the strange woods where I am. It is a beautiful forest, seems old and noble, like an ancient pagan temple abandoned for eons. Then I clearly hear one word from the noisy voices cloud inside my mind(rise..rise...rise...), And, suddenly, I realize I am crawling like a wild animal... I stop, then close my eyes, noticing that the silence is back in my head, then the voice comes again, but this time more clearly, loud and understandable.
I then slowly put myself on my knees, then I open the eyes, and I take a look around me.
I realize the ground is really closer to me than it should. I stand up and now it is better. Then something happens.
A vision, no just a picture, a kind of gun, very strange, stands before me, I touch it and it disassemble itself into some pieces of steel and timber that fall onto the floor...I let my hand floating in the air...and a young man comes to me starting to tell me something...then a brief flash of light and I am again alone in the forest.
The light flash made me dizzy, I miss to fall several times before I finally hold on a branch from a dead tree.
I bear on it and then I hear a noise behind me. I first think that it is still in my head, but I feel a rustling and I turn my head to see what is it I then see a great hart standing there and staring at me...I feel anxious as I see him bending down his head in my direction, not knowing if it is some unusual sign of respect or to impale me with his horns,then I reassure myself as he bows entirely and slowly recover.
He stares at me intensely for several minutes, like he is trying to tell me something with his eyes. Suddenly, a great ache comes to my head, splitting it off, throwing me on the ground, and a bright light came to my eyes, showing me the depths of my soul, bringing me down to a dark universe of fear, shame and sorrow...
In an other life, I was John, 21 years old, a pathetic fool with no one to be my friend, to listen to the crying song of my broken mind. Oh, of course, in appearance, it was the opposite. I was very popular, had lots of creepy assholes around me every time of the day, calling me 'friend', joking with me about other people, and laughing with me when I tortured weaker than me.
Yeah, that was my life. An hypocritical waltz cadenced by the painful song of honor and truth, burned in the pyre made of my blindness.
As my life went, I began to notice some strange facts.Voices in my head, like if an other me has been inside my mind, someone more quiet, smarter and colder than me. He began to whisper things to me, and I began to listen to them...
Before I noticed it, I became what I always considered to be the worst step of evolution, a loser. Alone at every time, my so-called friends began to left me out like a strange decease, and then the true nightmare begun...
At last, I realized what was my life made of, and I chose to end this pointless race to my self-destruction by...destroying myself. A razor blade later, I was there, on the ground, in a unknown place, or maybe that I know it. At the end, the only thing that left is sorrow...(...rise now...and go...)
Yes...beyond those dark woods, over the peak of the Elders, in the depths of Elthmeth's rage, through the bites of cold, and the deadly embraces of warmth, I have to go...
The pain is gone...no, it will never go away... I can endure, now. The path of the rebirth is here, and my soul is aching to be free.
And, the heart filled with hope for the first time of my life, misplaced in this strange forest, I wander....