How can you feel lonely in a sea of people?...
|As I walk down the pedestrian road, I am surrounded by a chaotic army of people, walking hurriedly in all directions as if fleeing from a surrounding enemy. I walk steadily in a straight line, letting people avoid me as I go. With every conscious step, I scan the crowd for familiar faces, for a sign of recognition, but wave after wave there is none.|
I come to a series of benches which suddenly emerge to block my path. For a second I stare at them in stillness, as I consider climbing on top of one and shouting as loud as I can. Nothing more than an amusing thought, and as I start circling the benches I push it aside as inconspicuously as it emerged.
Somehow having people around makes me feel better, I feel less oppressed. However, I can still feel the claw of solitude tight around my chest. Hands in my pockets, my fingers scan through an assortment of hidden objects. I can feel my phone which has dozens of saved numbers. Dozens of numbers and no one to call.
I wonder how many people have I walked past and where they are all going. As it is just after normal working business hours, I assume that they are rushing home to contemplate the faces of loved ones. To bathe in each others comfort and laughter as they share tales of a rubbish day at work.
No one waits for me at home.
There once was a loved one. I stop walking… A loved one who was stolen from me. I look around once more in search of someone… Stolen. I can feel my heart trying to jump out of my chest as crimson anger darkens my face… Stolen. I turn back and run towards the benches… Stolen. I climb on top of a bench... Stolen. I shut my eyes as I shout at the top of my lungs…
I close the front door as I walk into my flat. I lock it behind me and lean against the door as I stare into nothingness. The lightswitch is just there, within my reach, but I let myself stand still in the dark.
I am alone. I was always alone, I just did not know it.