A letter to myself two years ago. Telling him not to make the same mistakes
Don't freak out or anything but I am you, about two and a half years from now. When you get this letter it will be the morning of the 3/12/2009. Am I right?
Not convinced? I don't blame you. This seems completely crazy even to me...but maybe this will get your attention. Tonight you are going on a date with a girl you started talking to a few weeks ago. Her name is Elise Conquest Hunt and you're nervous as hell. You're worried she won't like you because she is probably 10,000 times out of your league. Believe me yet? I thought so...
Ok listen up. I'm going to give you some information and I want you to listen very closely.
The date is going to go great. You take her to the movies, hold her hand and put your arm around her. But you don't kiss her and that's what gets her attention. Oh, and be careful with her because she is still a bit sore from coming off her horse the other day.
Next weekend on the 12th you are going to go to her house and stay the night with her and her friends. You are going to kiss her and hold her while she falls asleep for the very first time. Remember how good it feels and never, ever forget it. I guarantee you she won't.
Im telling you all of this because it is VERY important.
The two of you are going to date for a month or so and you are going to wake up next to her one morning at her friend Chelsea's house after a party. You will look at her lying there, her hair slightly covering her face. You will think to yourself that she is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. You will sit there for a what seems like an eternity while she sleeps just holding one of her hands in both of yours. You will realise that you have just reached a sort of "fork in the road" situation in your life. You can either go right and wake her up and ask her if she is ready to make things official and be your girlfriend. Or you can go left and run away. I know that you're scared you will never be enough for her but please, Mike, don't make the same mistake that I did. Go right and don't look back. You will thank me one day.
The biggest piece of advice I can give you is don't keep your feelings inside. I know you do it as a defence mechanism but it is only going to cause both you and Ellie heartache.
If you think or feel something, say it. Tell her how much you love her everyday, show her how much she means to you. Because one day it will get to the stage where she feels worthless. Like you don't love her, you don't want to spend the rest of your life with her and she will leave. And although those things are completely untrue it will be your fault because you couldn't be a man . A man isn't somebody that hides his feelings and acts tough. A man is somebody who knows what he wants and will stop at nothing to get it. Even if that means opening yourself up to a special somebody.
I don't know about a parallel universe or anything like that but in my life I have made a lot of mistakes. I have a lot of regrets. Four months ago I lost the best thing that has ever happened to me. No, not lost. I drove her away. It took me until tonight to realise this. I probably will never get another chance with her and to be honest I don't deserve one. But I hope this letter saves you the same pain I'm going through.
It took losing Ellie for me to realise that I had everything I could ever want. But do you know what, Michael? Once you hit rock bottom there is only one way you can go. Up. So here's hoping I learn how to swim someday...
I hope you listen to everything I have told you and that you never end up in the same position that I am in. I hope that you decide one day to ask Ellie to marry you and if she says yes then be honoured and never let her feel unwanted or second best. Ever.
There is so much more that I want to tell you but why take all the mystery out of life? Just follow your heart and you will be okay.
Michael Joseph Morgan
25th July 2012
PS: After the movie she will say she isn't hungry but buy her something anyway. If you go to McDonalds she likes McChicken burgers with extra sauce, Chicken nuggets with sweet and sour sauce and a lemonade. Go get her, mate.