thoughts on life's journey and personal experiences
Learning from life is , to me, both agony and exhilaration. Agony, because painful experiences often leave me in long stretches of loneliness and despair. Exhilaration, when the turn of events gives unsought rewards and energy catapults me into a state of sheer ecstasy.
I long for neither. A life of balance that comes from positive thoughts and purposeful activity can be fulfilling. It can soothe the nerves and give a calm, serene joy.
Despite all efforts and good intentions, I often find negative feelings surge within and trigger anger and hatred. I become a prisoner of my senses, of passion and prejudice. I live in constant fear that everything I think is going well would abandon me, that darkness in daylight would stare at me as a fearful monster. No amount of effort to relieve myself of the misery of a diseased mind would then seem to work.
I try desperately to live in the shelter of material comforts and surrender to endless eating and extravagant spending as a compensation the inadequacies of my shaky stature. I try to find consolation in action than in involvement in the happenings around me. There are periods when immobility of thought and action prolongs this inadequacy.
When time itself is engulfed with inner fears of insecurity, man seeks consolation in escapism, and loses the ability to connect himself to the realities around him... Disorientation results and becomes a serious handicap, shattering completely the dreams we may have once had of growing into an exceptional human being.
But this is not the end of the road. It is a cycle that many go through. When I observe people with their share of misfortunes embracing life with admirable strength and faith in the Almighty.
I know from personal experience that the best temple to visit is one’s home where love conquers despair and hope offers a fresh sense of purpose. Love of one’s parents, husband and child. The ever absorbing, accepting universe instills hope with handsome results and convincing reassurances.