Phoenix tells his doctor a vital piece of information that he had hidden for 12 years...
|Phoenix had fallen asleep in the waiting room at the mental health clinic. He jumped when he heard his doctor call his name. Somewhat disoriented, he stumbled along down the hallway behind his doctor to the medical department and into his doctor's office. "Are there things you haven't told me, Phoenix?" questioned his doctor shortly after they began session. Phoenix was so ashamed of what he had not yet mentioned, but he decided this was the time. He told his doctor about being raped and his suicide attempt in the Desert. Phoenix had tried to shoot himself and missed. "A lot of people flinch," his doctor assured him. Phoenix told him that, if you really want to feel like a failure, to just try to shoot yourself and miss. "The gun went off? Where did the bullet go? Above you, behind you..." Above him. The bullet had gone over his head. "That sounds like a pretty terrible thing to try to do to yourself, Phoenix," his doctor said quietly and sadly. "This happened after one of the rapes?" Phoenix nodded. "How many rapes are we talking about here?" Six or seven, if you count things being shoved where they do not belong. "I think that counts." Seven, then. Seven rapes.
The next week, Phoenix told his doctor more about one of the rapes. There were five of them - two Lieutenants, one Captain, the Commander, and a Master Sergeant. "Is it hard for you to talk about, Phoenix?" his doctor asked. Phoenix nodded, but went on. He told his doctor that the Commander was a big guy. "Was it just one of them, or did the rest just watch?" Only the Captain walked away. I tried to fight, but there were too many of them. Four on one... "They all did it, Phoenix?" Yes, Sir. And not just anally. Orally, too. "That Captain should've called the cops. But you were the cops." Yes. We were the cops. Every one of us. "Sounds like pretty disgraceful behavior." That is a mild way of putting it. I fought back, but they were just too strong and I couldn't... "There is no requirement that you have to fight, Phoenix. The victim is not responsible for the crime. Not in any way. Do you feel that you are to blame in some way for the rapes?" I fought and fought...and why did it happen to me? What did I do wrong? I must have done something wrong. "The victim is not responsible for the crime, Phoenix." Some of the stuff they said to me bothers me. "What did they say, Phoenix?" Phoenix told his doctor what they had said. It was painful for Phoenix, to say the least.