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Rated: 13+ · Short Story · Sci-fi · #1894515
Thanks Dave Wright - idea aliens are amused to cause panic through religious confusion
Alien Shampoo

         Oh you silent night, how much we endorse the peace and quiet you bless us with. It is night that lets us rest, loosen up the stress and even build the much needed melatonin for our bodies. Night time is also the time the pesky grey’s saucers crawl down to earth to abduct our children. But not on my watch! Not as long as I, doctor Harsh, am around!

         A group of good for nothing greys already decided upon their next victim.
         “Get ready. The entire family is sleeping. Time to abduct little Fyodor, now!”
         The change of phase made it a piece cake for the greys to walk through the walls, right into the room where Fyodor was slumbering. Content they turned their phase shifters off and their joy was blown away. One down, two remaining.
         “Move and you end up like your friend.”
         While still in bewilderment, their only means to escape through the wall were torn away from their hands by doctor Harsh and his assistant.
         “I got myself one of these from a previous encounter.
         “Tie them up. Let's see how the media and police will react.”

         Back on the ship, the other greys, seeing their comrades in a desperate situation, they knew who acts first shall be the victor. There were enough gullible fools to sympathize with their story; they would make sure there would be.

         A storm of flashes was dropped thundering its wrath upon doctor Harsh’s face.
         “Doctor, can you explain in front of the cameras why you picked this house?”
         “Is it true, you intended to harm the child and not rob the house?”
         The crowd was outrageous, how could this go wrong? How come he was the one in cuffs taken away by the police?
         “Mr. Grey, could you describe to us the moments of horror you went through to save the family and its child?”
         “As you know, we came to earth to bring peace and harmony to you humans. We were just passing by through the neighborhood and soon became aware of this individual’s suspicious activity.”
         “How do you aliens cope to remain calm, when facing danger?”
         “We are at harmony with ourselves, not even such a ruthless individual can scare us. We even went through the difficulty of being diplomatic with him.”
         “I apologize in the name of all of humanity for your friend.”
         “No need to. We will maintain our peaceful intent to bring prosperity.”
         “How do you plan to bring harmony to our world?”
         “We got a special shampoo we want to gift for free. It’s made of natural herbs and we use it to ourselves regularly for enlightenment.”
         The door closed and slowly the doctor was moved away from the cheering crowd and the flashes. Yet another failed attempt to bring justice. At least his cautiousness made sure his assistant was still free. The festivity wouldn’t end with his departure. He wondered what kind of story exactly the greys dished the reporters and about their way to approach them, without loosing their trust through their appearance. Nonetheless he would take revenge on the greys for sure.
         “You claim to bring peace and harmony. Does that mean you follow some kind of religion of your own? Do you believe in some kind god?”
         “Not follow, we live it. Not any kind of god, the god. One of your religions is the true religion and we completely approve of it.”
         “Which one is it?” the crowd raised a tone in agitation.
         “What’s the best divine teaching?”
         “That’s for you to find out. We’ll give you this one hint:
         “Through pain knowledge arises.”
         Massive ecstasies broke loose amongst the listeners deeper into the night.

         Won’t the raindrops come? Won’t the rain come forth, wash away my sorrow? Today? Tomorrow? How much longer will this torrid calamity sustain my anguish? Why is the summer so hot!? Why is the news paper cluttered with absurdities?
         ‘First alien contact was a success!’
         ‘They came in peace’
         ‘Greys offer enlightenment’
– ‘Through pain knowledge arises’?
         Where are the debunkers when you need them?
         God! Please give me a case to solve before I get crazy!

         The door broke open and a young man out of breath, with sweat pouring down his collar shirt, jumped in.
         “The aliens set up doctor Harsh! He was trying to save a child from them.”
         “I’m his greatest fan! Tell me more …”
         “He is now in jail. Not sure what the greys are plotting but they made contact and give out free shampoo to the people.
         “It appears to have caused anti-religious protestors. Others argue what the true religion might be.”
         “Greys? Shampoo? Let’s hurry up! This case is very dangerous if left alone!”
         The private detective rushed out of the office and the assistant followed him.
         “Why? What’s the danger?”
         “Don’t you get it? Greys are bald, they have no hair, they don’t need shampoo. Whatever it is they are giving away isn’t meant to for          cleaning human hair.”
         “Amazing! No wonder the doctor told me to come to you in case something bad happens. You’re a brilliant man yourself.”
         “Of course I am. I don’t need to be told how awesome I am.

         “Don’t push me!”
         “Stay in line, there’s enough for everyone!”
         We struggled through the crowd to reach the aliens quickly.
         “Stop immediately, groaned the detective. “I figured out what you’re plotting, all of it!”
         They stopped handing out the shampoo. One of them came close.
         “Human, do you hunger for shampoo?”
         A strong manly hand was slapped over the grey’s face.
         “Your shampoo raises awareness. You mentioned there is one true religion, so that’s the first thing they were thinking about when taking the shampoo.
         “Those that took the shampoo became aware that faith is something individual, you are held responsible for your deeds as an individual, not as a group. The rest try to find the true religion without the shampoo.
         “The hint you gave clearly shows you had the riots planned all along.
         “Doctor Maximilien Harsh is my mentor.”
         “Amazing! You were enlightened by having that man as a role model ... We’ll grant you one wish as a reward.”
         “I want you to be punished.”
         “You need to fool us into granting that wish. Take the shampoo, it might inspire you.”
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