by Oscar La
This is a poem I gave to my girlfriend after she broke up with me. It's a little personal.
(please read everything)
To hear one’s soft voice, quiet and sweet
the gentle touch of one’s hands, so calming and meek
a pitter-patter of eyes, alluring with every move
the perfect complexion, so clear and smooth
the crossing of your legs, with your short-shorts on
the sway of your hips, I have desired for so long
your beautiful voice, who I have loved to hear
occasional squeals, so laughed at with tears
knees bent inward, a feature we share
the slender, slim body, who I love to hold near
long, fragrant hair, with unique warmth and smell
pencil between your teeth, a habit you do
converse high-tops, a shoe I wear too
glasses sitting so carefully, framing your gorgeous face
the wonderful eyes underneath, brown, beautiful, full of grace
your gentle eyelashes, fluttering as I go by
the dark, brown eyes which to see it, I would die
your tightly pursed lips, while you attempt to smile
the hilarious words, when you’re in denial
the long, smooth legs, which are wonderful to touch
the shy face, when I stare too much
sweet, flawless lips when I kiss you so
the little jump you do, when in your ear I blow
small, slim hands which fit my hands just perfect
giving my jacket to you when it’s cold is oh so worth it
the phone calls we have, the promises we make
all to be awoken to in dreadful create
it comes tumbling down, the falling everlasting
the pain real, the depression demanding
the neglect by both me and you
talk to me, why couldn’t you?
what is the problem you couldn’t tell anyone?
the very thing which I became shunned?
why, oh dear why couldn’t you have told me?
to fix our problems, together we must pay the fee
we even said the sacred words, the I love you
did you mean it, when you said it was true?
the plans we made, the future we planned
the very thing which because non-existent then
to err is human, to forgive is divine
and yet I whole-heartedly forgive you, yet I cannot see why
I felt so betrayed, so completely left alone
why can I forgive those long nights with sleeplessness and moans?
after all this, after all you’ve put me through
why is it that I still love you?
I meant the words I have said, and I said the words I meant
but yet, I still have so much repent
you said you meant your words, the sacred three words
but what evidence do you have that you meant those words?
the three sacred words, the I love you
you said them to me, and I think I hold them true
I do not know if I do, but yet I feel like it
that we still have a chance, broken, but soon to be fixed
we’ve spent seven months together, along with twenty days
to have that all gone in seconds, can’t you see my pain?
I do not see how you feel every day
I do not know if this has affected you in any way
the distance between me and you, is close yet worlds apart
how could we have gone from the loving relationship into depart?
alas, I knew this was going to be, and I knew like this it was to be
those doubts you had about us, has turned this into reality
my biggest fears, my nightmares, and my fears-to-be
were all connected to this, can’t you see?
the nights you have hinted it are the nights that I have cried
you comforted me, but yet doubts still arise
the day I put your hand on my heart was the day I called you mine
the only girl I would trust with my heart, over time
we grew apart, and I desperately tried to stop it
but it was soon over, and we are completely split
I still admire you, dream about you, and think about you every day
but I have a feeling they would never be returned to my dismay
we promised not to hold secrets, and I admit I haven’t really kept
I told you I had no insecurities, but yet I have one
one single, what I deemed to be insignificant
something no one knows, hears, experienced
I am insecure about dating, and dating itself
my thoughts can’t get through it through the many times I have tried
you don’t mind if I’m touchy or near other girls, or so I say
but I get jealous often, for fear of losing you
my dream girl, whom I’ve stayed with as long as I possibly can
the times I felt so hurt, are a lot to say
say that time when I offered you a piggy back, but you rejected it
this alone wouldn’t have been so bad, but yet
I see you on another guy’s back, having the time of your life
on that very day, I felt like I no longer was your boyfriend
that I was treated same as everyone else
that I wasn’t considered special to you.
to the girl that I had come to love
I stayed back, not wanting much contact from you
and later you tell me that I’ve been all emo-loner for the day
just because I wanted to be alone, away from you
and yet at the same time, with you
it makes no sense
yet it makes sense
love’s confusing that way.
or about that time where I was full of joy
you had accepted to be my girlfriend, and we went on the field trip
making clay pots was a blast, but the only thing that irked me was
when you said you wanted Sherlock as your boyfriend, because, because, because.
you spoke about how perfect he was, and how amazing he is
whilst I was right beside you, hearing every. Single. Word.
the very thought that you would want to replace me is heart sickening
I should have known from that point on that we would be like this
but yet, I felt like I wanted to stay
I still wanted a chance with you, so I guess I was a reacher
though I know I was, you still stuck with me
with you I was literally the happiest guy alive
but yet I was also the saddest
because I knew deep inside that we were not going to last
with every passing day it didn’t grow deeper
yet my heart grew fonder
soon the feeling of doubt went away
and I made my first move
I kissed you, in front of the lockers across from the stairs
that very day I had fell in love with you.
“why?” you may ask, and to be honest I did not know
I just felt myself with you, like I had no secrets
I was an open book to you, and that was that
but now that I look back, you haven’t shown me very much affection
except for the beginning of our small journey in a relationship
as a couple
when you were my clingy girlfriend.
to be honest I loved the clingy part
probably to just feed my insecurity
but I loved the affection that came with it
it faded quickly though, but I did not mind
as I still had you and that was plenty enough for me.
I have spoken to friends about you, how you make me happy
and I had to hold myself back just to not talk forever
I could really go on forever on why I like you
but yet, I put our entire relationship on this
What about that time when we were on the bus?
you had promised to sit next to me on the way back
I knew you didn’t like sitting with my friends
and I thought you knew I wanted to be alone with you and just you
but apparently not
I sat between our two groups of friends
alone, by myself, because you promised you would come soon
when you do come, what do I get?
“lets sit in the back with my friends”
not exact words, but what I heard in my brain
I was saddened that I had tried to compromise
but yet it was to no avail
I said that you could sit in the back instead of sitting next to me
and you did.
I started crying.
I don’t know why as I never cry in school times
I just knew for sure we had grown apart
that this wouldn’t work
soon after you came to sit with me after hearing that I was crying
and after everything was over, you told me that you were actually angry at me because of that
for something I couldn’t help
for the wrong reasons which I had explained
but still, it hurt a lot.
we sat together anyway, but mostly in silence
I dislike crying but yet you have made me cry twice
the two times I have ever cried in grade eight
I have cried because of a girl
a girl I love.
I don’t get why, but I can’t help it
it’s because deep down, I actually cry a lot
I make jokes about being a man and braving weather and never crying and all that
just so no one would even suspect me of crying
but yet, I have cried,
and once for everyone to see
because of you, a girl whom I love.
You broke up with me September 26th, 2012
that’s seven months twenty days
which is a long time.
part of me won’t accept that we’ve broken up
and that same part still feels we should be together
the only thing that has changed part of me
is when you told me
you liked to think that we never met.
those were the most heart-crushing words I have ever heard
it made me angry, sad, depressed, and even bi-polar a bit
but even so, the part that loves you
always wins over.
I have always questioned if you actually meant it when you said
the sacred three words
and honestly, I’m still not sure
as I am not you and thus I can never know
but the only thing I can do is listen when you say and said those words.
if you ever say them again.
if I ever hear them again.
I don’t care if I’m only fourteen
or that I’m too young to get what it means
I know what it means
not in words, but instead I can feel it
I know when I am in love, even though I have never felt it before
but yet, after this large whirlwind of drama
I still love you.
I really still love you.
I miss the times when we would hold hands and you would lean your head on my shoulder
I miss when I would blow into your ear and you would jump. Oh god I do miss that.
but what I really missed
even though we wouldn’t last forever
even though we broke up
and the reason is still unknown to me
but honestly, I don’t care at this point
the I just care about you
if the reason is something really secret, I’m sorry for pushing you to tell me
but I want to look past that now
I just want us to restart everything
I would give anything just to have a second chance
I just don’t know why I like you so much
perhaps it’s how you cross your legs
or how you look away when I’m staring at you
but all I want is a fresh, new start
when we just made small romantic gestures
and slight pecks on the cheek
holding hands while walking
one where I am not ignored
one where we are back to normal like usual
where we are just enjoying each other’s company
just the simple stuff
I’m so sorry I wrote this out, but it’s because I can’t get everything I want to say in the short time we would have had.
please don’t take this in a clingy, stalker-ish way
but XXXXXXX XXX,
I love you.