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Rated: ASR · Short Story · Other · #1900137
Phoenix makes it through another day...to face another day...
For Phoenix, life was a mixed process.  He had gotten everything on his list done from the day before, but he had a list just as long to complete at present.  He had phone calls to make, people to meet, studies to complete, and assignments to do.  One of his grad school professors had told him that grad students tended to score more Borderline Personality Disorder on personality tests while they were in grad school.  Phoenix believed it.  Phoenix, though, had PTSD and Depression to worry about - not Borderline, thank goodness!  That same professor had told Phoenix that grad school changes people.  He believed that, too.  He had changed a lot.  There were limits that he had pushed that were above and beyond anything he had ever experienced, although he was in a different - and better - frame of mind to do it than when he went through some of the challenges that he did in his undergraduate years.  His military years shaped them all.  Still, from the grave, as it were, Phoenix's military traumas kept his life in the battle, but it was a battle.  Phoenix had had challenges just as formidable as grad school at other times in his life, and there were experiences that had been much more formidable than grad school mixed in there, too.  Phoenix remembered those and thought of the reactions of his classmates to grad school challenges.  Phoenix sometimes forgot that his classmates were not combat Veterans of the United States Armed Forces, nor were they veterans of mental illness, the inpatient psych ward, psychotropic medications, ECT, or the Department of Veterans Affairs healthcare system.  They had never had those experiences, but thought that they were plenty experienced in life.  They were young - younger than Phoenix by ten years, some of them - and were indeed experienced in their own right.  It just was not the same set of experiences that Phoenix had struggled through.  Many of them did not think they needed God's help in their experiences, either.  That disturbed Phoenix somewhat, mostly when they challenged Phoenix's belief in God or insulted God in front of him.  That was God's fight, too, though.  Phoenix missed his doctor, someone that God had definitely placed in his life.  He hoped that the VA authorization would go through in time for his next ECT treatment.  From what Phoenix had learned yesterday, it seemed that his doctor had not yet put in the request.

Today, Phoenix had a few things that must be done and a dozen more that could be done, or that could be put off until tomorrow.  Procrastination was a bad idea, though.  Things piled up enough as it was, Phoenix had discovered.  The variety of things that Phoenix had to work on were the homework from the fill-in doctor, his social psych studies, his neuropharm studies, his thesis, comments from the discussion in child psychopathology the day before, and his power point presentation for social psych.  Some of these were, of course, higher priority than others.  His social psych test was on Tuesday, and his neuropharm test was either Friday or Monday of next week because the professor had given him some leeway due to his ECT treatment on Wednesday.  Those two took priority over everything else.  There had to be breaks, though.  For example, when Phoenix was feeling stressed, he read his Spanish Bible or played his guitar.  He needed to incorporate exercise in there.  He had just found out a few days before that he had a degenerative process going on in his knees.  Just what Phoenix needed...  Phoenix would find a way to cope with it, though.  He always had so far.  He had to meet his case manager in the afternoon as well.  That was always a good experience.  Phoenix actually liked his case manager, which was odd for him.  He had such trust issues that he liked very few people.  Somehow, she had gained his trust, though.  She also believed in God, which made it nice because Phoenix could mention his beliefs without worrying about her shutting him down or dismissing God under the religious needs clause of psychology.  In short, Phoenix had a busy day ahead of him, but very little of it was "scheduled".  Phoenix liked that.  It was fluid and he could do what he felt like doing when he felt like doing it.  The problem was when he did not feel like working on what he needed to.  The pressure was on, though, so Phoenix felt confident that he would be able to focus somewhat.  This was his first day off of his antipsychotic, however...
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