Phoenix gets a text message from his best friend telling him she is leaving for Dallas...
|Phoenix had made a list earlier that morning of things that he had to get straightened out that day. First on the list was the mental health clinic and the VA. He needed to find out whether or not he needed another physical and lab set done before his next ECT Tx. As he was leaving messages and calling people about that, he received a text message from his best friend. She said she was taking off for Dallas this morning and to keep in touch. Phoenix read it twice to make sure that he had read it correctly. No last hug. No last words. No last...it was better that way. Tears welled up in Phoenix's eyes for a few moments as he processed the message. She was gone. To Dallas. To live with people she thought she knew but did not, and Phoenix certainly did not know them. But she was moving on. Her whole life was in front of her and she was taking hold of it. Phoenix, being ten years her senior, knew that she was making a risky move, but he had to allow her to live her life with minimal interference from him. The tears did not overwhelm him. Instead, he sat down at the table in the coffee shop and fished the tea bags out of his drink so that it would not get too strong. He got out his computer and wrote for a while after texting a quick, encouraging reply to his friend. He was devastated, but he had known for a month that this day would come. He was actually glad that it had gone the way it had. He did not have to break down in front of her. He had already done that when he first found out that she was moving. He did not have to repeat the performance. It was better this way.
It was a grey day. The wind was blowing and it was around 54 degrees out. The high that day was supposed to be 67 degrees. Phoenix thought of the leopard frog that he and his spouse had released at the lake the day before, hoping that the frog was alive and well. He had released the frog so that it could live. He had to do the same with his friend. It was difficult. Phoenix did not get close to very many people because they always left. And it always hurt. Phoenix was not sure if it hurt everyone as badly as it hurt him when someone left them, but he was sure that he did not want much to do with it. It was excruciatingly painful. He kept the pain at bay with his writing and his studying. Phoenix was glad that he had an appointment with his psychiatrist later that day. He needed to talk to his doctor. Time was passing ever so slowly and the pain was threatening to surface every moment of it. Phoenix just kept writing.
His friend had gotten Phoenix involved in a lot of things. She had gotten him involved in art again, and ceramics, and music... She had brought him back from the dead in a few ways, really. Phoenix had sunk so far into the depression that he was almost gone when she took him by the hand and drug him out to do things that he was not sure he wanted to do at the time, but that got him jump-started again into life. Now what would he do? He had his spouse, his doctor, other friends...but he needed her. There was a bond between them that was special. Phoenix was lost.