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Rated: 18+ · Essay · Experience · #1902321
We all get closer to death everyday. Now my Mom is saying goodbye.
Technically we do each get a day closer to our death with each setting sunset. We don't often think about life that way.

My Mom has been dying since her early difties. She was 90 on her past birthday. Her health has begun to deteriorate rapidly. The pills that keep the fluid off her system because she has congestive heart failure, and begun to cause her unbearable pain. She's decided to drop the med that is keeping the fluid off.

We've talked about dying wishes over the years. When my Great Aunt had an issue of dehydration. the question was do you withold water to spped up death, or do you prolongue live, as it is, by water. Mom's issue, it seems will be the opposite. Her body will collect her fluids until she drowns in them. Only an autopsy will tell eventually what's been causing her pain for years.

I had been dodging her house because I thought she wanted me to get to work on an accounting project. She never directly askes me for what she wants.

"I've been trying to get you over here since before last weekend, becaus, but I can't get you over here. I want to tell you what the nurse said will happen."

"You want me to come visit this afternoon?" I asked, pretty sure of the answer.
I received a keeper message.

"I can't get you on the phone, for all I know you are already dead, and I'm just dying. Call me when you wake up."

Can I ask the same? Not really. This isn'y going to be easy. She's held the hands of love one sho were passing. I will if that's what she wants. God will keep me able to grieve.

But, is it days, weeks, months? Will I have the emotional stamina to hold on when my Mom is gone. She's always been there to save me, and she, well, we both know it.

Later, my phone was charging and not answering.
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