After the death of her best friend, Winter has to make the biggest choice of her life.
|"If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it, I know I can achieve it." - Jesse Jackson
Beep. Beep. Beep. Click.
I uncovered my face and stared at my plain, dull, white ceiling. I really need to paint that, but I'm just too lazy to do it. My whole room is black and so I'd enjoy having my ceiling the same color. Wait? What was I suppose to do again? I turned my head and faced my alarm clock. The blinking blue numbers read 8:45 in the morning. At times I wish I didn't have my father's short memory loss, sadly. Come on Wint...think, think, think! Damn it! Can't think of anything. Maybe Jessie can help me out with something-wait a minute...Jessie! The baby! I forgot she could go into labor any minute now!
I rolled out of my bed quickly and rushed to get ready, forgetting to brush my hair as I raced downstairs-basically running my father over as I made it to the front door. Forgetting my bike, I ran quickly as I could down the street I live on trying to make it to the hospital. A few blocks...not bad right? Well counting trying to not get hit by moving cars and trucks-bonus!
After avoiding any car-or truck- you could probably think of getting and seeing around town, I finally make it to the hospital. I excused and explained myself to the nurse and elderly man I almost knocked down as I dashed to the entrance. I made it to the front desk, out of any possible air I had in my lungs, trying to talk and explain to the women in charge of the front desk my buisness here. "Miss, I-I can't understand you." The desk lady said, a bit concern. Holding a finger up, she allowed me to regain my breath. Once I did I looked her in the eyes and explained that I needed to be told where Jessie Whitmore was.
The desk lady, or Irne has her name tag told me, laid me down a long hallway to where I heard screams of pain. I knew that scream anywhere and I knew I was close to Jessie's room. I thanked Irne and ran the rest of the way down the hallway till I made towards the very last room. Stepping through the door, I ran to the chair and grabbeed ahold of my best friend's hand. "Hey J-Bug," I told her smiling, not showing that her squeezing my hand was hurting like hell! "Ready for this baby to be born?"
Jessie turned to me with those emerald green eyes of hers, in them I knew she was being her sarcastic self. I patted down her chocolate brown hair, and winced in pain as she began pushing. Seeing her in this much pain, makes me not want to have children. Maybe a C-section...actual labor...no.
I held Ian Matthew Whitmore in my arms, in an arm chair, at 12:59 in the afternoone. I tried smiling as his small hand wrapped around my index finger. Jessie laid in her bed, still and motionless. Her parents, who were notified by the doctors, stood in the hallway crying their eyes out-like I should be doing. Because at 12:59 in the afternoone, sitting in an arm chair holding little Ian, I lost my best friend, sicne pre-school, Jessica Paige Whitmore.
"Is there anybody else who would like to say anything about Jessica?" Pastor Dale asked us. All my sixteen years, I've never been to a funeral, and the first one I had to go to was my best friends'. Looking around I saw Mrs. Whitemore crying on Mr.Whitmore's shoulder, holding sleeping Ian in her arms. I felt like crying when my eyes laid eyes on her brother, Jacob, who I've enver seen cry in the years Jessie and I were friends, balling his eyes out sitting with his parents and his nephew. Mom wiped tears away from her own face, dad help my two-year-old brother in his lap. No one raised their hands, I sighed some and stood up making my way to teh potium. "I'm so sorry baby girl."
Pastor Dale kissed my forehead and stepped aside to let me stand behind the podium and adjust the mic before I began speaking. "H-hey," I said loud as I could go-fearing my voice would break with tears. "Well you all know me, I'm Winter, and I've never really talked at a funeral before. Seeing this is my first funeral, and sadly it's for my best friend."
I glanced around to the Whitmore family. Still crying, I saw Jacob holding his nephew close to him. My eyes darted to Mrs. Whitemore; her eyes held anger staring at the young baby sleeping in ehr son's arms. My heart dropped seeing that. Pushing that feeling aside I continued. "Mr. Whitmore, Mrs. Whitmore, Jay, Ian...I am so, so sorry about your loss. Jessie was my best friend, but she was your daughter and sister...and she was Ian's mother. I cannot imagine your pain that you hearts are feeling. Jess changed so many lives-mine included. I probably wouldn't be here if Jessie hand't found me when I overdosed on those pills.
"Till this day, even though I hated that man and his class, I am greatful for Mr. Stone pairing me and Jessie up in our egg care project. And I'm greatful that Jessie called 911 like she did. I told her my fears, my problems and my thoughts. She was always there for me. I wished I was there for her more. On the night when she was raped, Jessie and I had a argument and she left the house. It was two hours later when she called me crying, begging for me to come get her. She wouldn't tell me right away what happened. I just thought maybe she had got lost and she needed me. My mom drove us for what seemed like hours till we finally found Jess-alone. She was alone, cold, scared and she had so many bruises on her body she then told me she was raped.
"Telling Jay and her parents was hard. When they said, though you guys had good intensions, that is was a good idea for her to abort Ian, once she found out she was pregnant, Jess said she wasn't going to kill a innocent life. She'd always tell me she wasn't plan and that she hated the man who did this to her...never ocne did I hear her say she hated Ian. I never hated Ian either. When Jess was in labor, she held my hand. She said if anything happened to her..." I took a breath, fighting tears away. "She wanted me to name him Ian. And so, Ian, your mother named you Ian Matthew Whitmore. She also wanted me to tell you that she loved you so much and she only wanted you to have a great life. Um, I think that's enough. Thanks everyone."
I stepped down and everyone clapped for me. This is going to be hard. Looking at Ian, with his granparents and uncle, I can tell this is going to be hard for him too.
Made a wrong turn
once or twice
Dug my way out
blood and fire
Welcome to my silly life
Miss Nowway it's all good
It didn't slow me down
Always second guessin'
Look I'm still around
Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like you less than
Less than perfect
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're fucking perfect to me
Pink's beautiful voice blasted through my headphones as I kept this one song on replay for the past half hour. I laid on my bed, phone on vibrate just incase anyone called or texted me. I doubt it though, actually. No one ever texted me-maybe mom, dad, Jay and well Jessie. I hardly have any one call me either. Yeah, um, I'm not that popular at my school. Jess was my best friend and I guess Jacob has always been my guy best friend because I knew them for the longest time.
I wonder how ay is holding up at the moment. It is the weekend so he's probably still asleep. Iam might be asleep, too or awake being a baby? Who knows. I sure as hell don't. My eyes began closing, sleep was taking over, when my phone started vibrating beside me. Who could that me? Check the phone Winter, probably would be a great way to see who this person contacting me is.
With one eye opened, I saw it was Jacob calling me. What's up? I was about to answer it when the call ended. Well he probably dialed me in his sleep. Why he go a touch screen phone, I'll never know. I laid my phone down, turned my iPod off, and closed my eyes when I heard my mom yell to me from downstairs. She said Jacob was at the door. That boy never stops amazing me.
My bed seems to hates me getting up, only because I end up rolling on the floor everytime! "Damn!" I cussed under my breath as I hurried downstairs. Once there, I saw Jacob standing in my threshold trying to catch his breath. Ash. He's soaking wet...didn't know it was raining. This is what I get for being locked up in my room with my music in my ears. I guess.
Jacob pointed at me, looked down pating, then looked back at me. "Dude," I told him pulling him into the house, closing the front door. "What are you doing here?"
Jacob was still pating as he continued talking, or at least trying. "Ian...mom...dad...argument...adoption...mom won't listen to reason...don't want to lose him."
I slapped Jay in the face. "English! I don't speak in the language of wheezing Jacob."
"Okay," Jacob said rubbing his face and finally gaining his breath. "First, ow! Second as I said in my so called wheezing language, mom wants to place Ian up for adoption."
"Fuck...why!?" I asked, stepping forward to him making Jacob step back.
He knew how I was when I get a bit pissy, and what he just said is making me a bit pissy.
"She's convince that Ian is the reason that Jessie died after giving birth."
"She can't blame a baby? Many girls and women die because of complications."
"What does you dad think?"
"She agrees with her. Maybe not about Ian being my sister's killer, but putting him up for adoption."
"They can't do that!"
"They can, Wint." Jacob told me looking down. "And they are."
"Over my dead body." I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
Jacob didn't have time to aske me what I meant because I ran back up to my room and slammed the door behind me. Miranda Whitmore maybe like a second mother to me...but it'll be a motherfucking cold day in hell before I allow her to take my Godson away from me.
She wants to play bitch ball, oh she hasn't even seen a bitch yet.
"So you want to convince my parents to letting you take care of Ian?" Jacob whispered to me. We both didn't want to get chewed out by Mr. Heathers.
"Not just taking care of him, Jay. Raising him." I whispered back.
Polly Jordan turned her prissy self around and shushed me. I shot her a dirty looked and flipped her the double bird. She sucked her teeth at me and turned back around to face the front. "Dumb slut." I said under my breath.
"Sexy slut, too." Jacob said drooling over Polly.
I scoffed at his actions. Sadly, Jacob is like all of the guys and some of the teachers of this school that fond over Polly. What do they see in her? Well, um, other then her long golden hair, tan skin, deep brown eyes, D-cup breast and a apple bottom. It was sad that no one saw her for what she truly was, but me. Polly Joycelynn Jordan was no more then a good for nothing, egotistic, judgemental, shallow bitch and a slut. She's been with half of the guys on the football team, and possible the water boy that goes to all of the games.
Polly thinks just because she is popular and has a dancer's body everyone should bow down to her every need and demands. She hates that I am the only person in this whole school that doesn't act that way to her and that I treat her like she should be treated. Like she is lower than the dirt we walk on. I know that shoulds a bit harsh, but it's true.
"I'm making it a mental note," I said hoping Jay could hear me. "When Ian gets into girls, I am telling him about girls like Polly and if I ever see him liking or dating someone like her, as much as I love him, Ian shall become Irene."
"That's a bit harsh don't you think?" Jacob asked me, still with his eyes locked on Polly.
Why even bother?
I glanced down at my B-cup chest. Sighing, hating to admit, I wish I had Polly's body. At least I'm in shape and healthy. Still I would rather have a D-cup instead of a B-cup. Mr. Heathers shut up long enough to introduced a new student. Woot. How fun...not!
Heathers went on about how the new student's name was Brylen Conor who moved here from New York then months ago. Yada, yada. Why do I-oh. My. God. My mouth hung open as Brylen walked into the room. He had tan colored skin, black wavy hair, a great body shape, crystal blue eyes and a look that just says badass. I got to admit...he was pretty sexy.
Gah! Snap out of it Winter Faye! You have a little more stuff to worry about then having a little-huge-crush on the new guy in school. Crush or not there was something odd about Brylen. I just couldn't put my finger on it. The bell rung and I was the first out of the classroom.
I need to pay attention more. Why? Because you are less likely to walk into an open locker and fall unconisous on the floor. That is why everyone, everyone of earth and space, pay attention!
"You have got to be the one person, that I know, that smacks into a locker." Jacob said, holding the tissue on my nose to stop the bleeding.
"I didn't smack into the locker," I hated talking at the moment. I sounded like Fran from The Nanny. "I was walking and some kid opened their locker in my face."
"And you couldn't be bothered to move?"
"I wasn't paying attention, dumbass."
"I say again: you smacked into the locker. That kid didn't open it in your face. You dented it with your face."
"I'm not arguing with you!"
"Whose arguing? All I'm saying is-"
Jacob was cut off by the school nurse coming back in to check on me. She checked my nose and told me it wasn't broken, just brusied. That is way better then it being popped out of place, then have to be held down so it could be popped back into place.
Had that happened before when I was eight when my wrist popped out of place after falling out of a tree. Dad had to hold me down while Uncle Simon popped the bone back into it's socket. Hurt. Like. Hell.
Once my nose stopped bleeding, Jay and I made our ways to our classes. Two more and we're home free. I need a life. Once again I was lost in my own thoughts I hadn't noticed Brylen standing in front of me until I walked right into him. "Oh sorry," I told him.
"Nah it's fine." Brylen said. His voice was low and deep; my stomach was butterflies.
"No I wasn't watching-"
He shushed me by placing his index finger on my lips, my cheeks flushed bright red as I stared into his crystal blues. They were so perfect, unlike mine. His eyes were just perfect, while my mix-matched eyes were just...wired. What I mean by mix-matched is that my right eye I have my father's honey brown color, while on my left I have my mother's violet eye color.
My cheeks still remained bright red as he chuckled at me. I smiled and asked what was so amusing. "Your eyes." My smiled faded at his answer. I knew he'd say something about them...everyone always did. My smile faded until he said something that made it come back on my face. "They're unique."
With that said, Brylen brushed his thumb across my cheek and made his way down the hallway. I let out a sigha dn leaned against the lockers. I cannot believe it...I am actually falling for the new guy in school. Making my way to class, I was thinking about how interesting things are going to be but failing to understand the dangers coming my way as well.
Due to what is going on at the Whitmore household, mom has taken Ian in for awhile. I'm very happy about that while Mrs. Whitmore believers my mother is a fool for taking in a killer. A killer, really? Ian is a damn baby. He doesn't know what a killer is, in face he doesn't know what anything is really. All he knows is that if he wants something he cries. If he wants food, he cries. If he wants his diaper changed, he cries. If he wants to be loved, he cries. If he is sleepy, he cries then too because he just needs to be rocked to sleep. We're only keeping him for a week then that's when the Child Service agent is suppose to come pick him and and place him at the children's home, so some good family can adopt him. Not if I can have anything to do with it. I believe it's time, before I tell the Whitmores, I tell my parents the idea I told Jacob. Jay still finds it pretty crazy that I want to adopt his nephew, but this way neither of us loses Ian and we'll both be able to see him. Well that's about all I wanted to say, so my dear journal until next time. -Winter Faye
I closed my journal, not before staring at my odd name. Winter Faye. All my life I wondered how my mom and dad came up with my last name. They never told me why, just that it's what they wanted. Not a very good reason to name me that, but I'm not arguing with them about it. Ian being here is like the best thing that could ever happen. Just like I wrote in my journal, maybe now it's time to tell my parents. Not sure how they'll react, but it's worth a shot. Before leaving my room, I glanced at a picture of me and Jessie from a few months ago. You can see Ian, when he was a small baby bump, inside his mommy's belly. We were in California on a classtrip and our teacher, Mrs. Spring snapped a photo of us in front of the figure warehouse.
I smiled remembering how me and Jessie goofed off, mocking the poses of the wax figures. Every always says Jacob is the strange one, but me and Jess are way more stranger than Jacob. When we would hang out togehter, that is. "Alright Winter," I told myself. "Show time."
Please let something good happened.
"S-say that again?" My mother asked me, choking on her coffee.
"I want to adopt Ian." I told her calmily. Alright not going off to a good start. I talked calmily again. "Ian. I want to adopt him, so I was going to talk this over between you and dad before I talked to Miranda and Jeffery. I told Jacob about it, and he said it was pretty crazy but he agreed and thinks I can do it."
"Winter," Dad's deep voice said, causing me to turn and stare at him. "You can't be serious."
"Dad...I'm more then serious."
"And that's a problem?"
"Yes because you don't have the knowledge it takes to care for a baby." Mom told me.
Did my mother really just tell me that? After how I basically raised Johnathan because of how these two couldn't get alone for fucking two minutes after dad had that affair, just a month after John was born. Mom and dad were either seeing their marriage adviser, spending time at work so they wouldn't see each other at home, and everything else to avoid one another before they finally made up their minds about wanting to work things out.
"Wait a minute," I said getting up from sitting on the couch. "You're saying that I don't know how to take care of a baby? When, if I do re-call, dad had that affair months after Jonathan was born...who wasn't that was rasing him, huh? Not you two. No. That was me."
"Now listen here young lady," Dad said placing his hand on my shoulder. "Your mother and I may have had complications with our marriage but it has made us stronger."
"True it has. That still doesn't change the fact that you two weren't parents to neither me nor John. I was all three: mom, dad and sister to him. I fed him, gave him a bath, I changed him, bought him clothes. We were just like guest in this house when you two were fussing out each other every two seconds. I was the one that stopped him from crying when you're yelling got too loud in the middle of the night and scared him."
"We know you mean well, Winter," Mom said getting up, switching Ian in her arms. She has had him this whole time while I was telling them about my idea and now while I'm venting my feelings. Too bad Johnathan wasn't here, I'd sure enjoy his crying input this situation. "But you're just too young. Mine and your father's mind is made up. I'm sorry...it's for the best that Ian goes to a family that can actually raise him right."
"What? And I can't raise him right?"
"Winter Faye Harrison, that's enough!" Dad told me sternly. At times when he'd sound like that, I'd listen. Not this time.
"Fine!" I yelled at both of my parents, causing them to jump a bit and causing Ian to whimper some. "Let the Child Service agent take him! Let Miranda Whitmore get her way and go on saying that Ian is a killer, because Jessie was one of the few million women that die after giving birth to their children. And just go ahead, let them take away the one thing Jacob has to remember his baby sister and the one thing I have that reminds me of my best friend. Each time I stare into those eyes of his, I see his mother staring at me!"
Once I felt the tears falling down my cheeks, I turned my back on them and ran into my room, slamming the door behind me. I flung myself on my bed and cried into my pillow. They can't take him...they just can't.
Maybe they won't...if they don't have the chance to take him that is.