by Caitie Kee
Does Candice have the will to overcome her disability? Where will it lead her?
|Flower Petal Children
“I’m sort of stupid but I’m only part to blame. I’m not at fault for my parents being in jail or that they don’t care about my disability. What is my fault though is that I’m so positive I’ll fail that I don’t try, at all. I have a new disability, no one knows what it does or if it goes away. All I’ve heard is that it affects how well I do in math. Since math is said to be impossible I don’t like to try anything else. School is just a game, something to just go along with. The only assignment I’ve done all year is a drawing, I got an F on it. Technically, I should be in a school for retarded people but that would only mean me having to try harder. I guess I’m being bratty but I’m sick of life. I live in an orphanage but everyone is smart there so I keep my distance. Everyone that’s smart is popular so obviously I wouldn’t fit in. I really need to stop daydreaming." Candice could think the whole day away and not even realize it. It was seventh hour the last hour of the day and only twenty minutes till the day would be over. She looks to the board, on it it says write an essay. For the first time all day she picks up her pencil and writes “write essay” in the homework slot of her planner. “Ten minutes to go.” Candice tells herself. She lifts her folder, planner, green notebook, and hugs it tight against her chest. Suddenly the bell rang she brushed away a dark black strand of hair and got up to leave.
“Candice, may I have a word with you?” Candice turns to face her teacher and raises an eyebrow in annoyance. She throws her notebook, folder, and planner on the desk with a scowl and sits back down.
"What?" she asks looking into her teacher's hazel eyes. Mrs. Kinley had such a calm expretion that it only annoyed Candice even more.
“I think it would be best if you and I talked to a counselor.”
“I am thoroughly aware of your disability but I believe you are capable of doing more than what you are showing me.”
“So what,” she says rudely.
“I think it best that you find a school with your ability level.”
“You saying I’m dumb?” she says as if offended.
“No, most definitely not,”
“Then what are you trying to say?”
“Huh, I’ll talk to you tomorrow with the counselor. Right after school understand?”
“Whatever,” Candice says gathering her things again, standing, and turning on her heel to leave. Marching out she feels her ears turning to embers and her eyes turning into miniature canals. "Man," she thinks, "why am I getting so worked up over this?" Once she is out of the classroom she breaks into a run. She dodges rocks and sprints over the sprind grass and small white daisies. She stumbles by a tree and leans on it to catch her breath. She slides down the trunk till she's sitting. Salty tears reach her lips and she wipes at them.
“I feel really bad about the way I acted but then again she deserved it. Me stupid!” “well maybe, but she didn’t have to say it flat out. Huh, maybe I’m being stupid about the situation but it really hurts to know others think I’m stupid.” She wipes away at the tear streaks on her face again takes one more big breath and stands to go. She walks along the sidewalk kicking rocks along the way and keeping the the notebooks tight to her chest. Crossing the street she reaches an old castle like building. Roanock Orphanage was practically in the center of Wales and was the only home Candice knew. She went inside and up the stairs; everything was extremely quiet as usual. She walked into the room, everyone in there was reading. No one looks up, they just keep their noses in their identical hard back cover books of "Gone With the Wind." She scowls. Walking over to her desk she sits. “I have at least an hour before bed. You know what I’m going to prove that I’m not stupid!” Candice tells herself. Her papers rustle and every single person looks up. She throws her nose up in the air and pulls out a pencil to write. Everyone raises an eyebrow but finally they get back to work. “The homework assignment was an essay, just an essay. I can do this, piece of cake. What should I write about?” She sighs but continues to think. “I didn’t waste my entire time in her class I listened sometimes. #1 brainstorm.” She scribbles down 1. life 2. love 3. a family 4. learning
5. becoming great 6. secrets and lies 7. growing up
“I’ll write it in first person. How should I start it? Maybe I'll just tell my story. Sounds good.” She looks back into her past the happiness, then being scared, and then pure nothingness. So she began,
“Sirens sounded loudly in my ear. My usually calm parents were frantically throwing things around and packing. “Mom what’s going on? I don’t like this. My mom scooped me into her arms and my parents nodded toward each other. Huddled in my mothers arms we left. I figured we were being pursued by something because the sirens seemed to stay right with us. It was still dark out and so we stayed in the alleyways where no streetlights could reach us. My dad's eyes seemed adnormally wild, frantic. My mom hurried one step behind him. She stroked my hair and smiled everytime I looked up into her matching set of beautiful blue eyes pink cheeks and dark black hair. My dad frequently looked back at the two of us and seemed to be contemplating a decision. I rest my head on my mom's shoulder and stared at the snowy trail we were leaving behind. I was getting sleepy but I couldn't sleep at the moment. We didn’t get very far when my dad said, “Leave her we must escape! She didn't do anything they'll spare her, leave her.” My moms dark blue eyes stare into mine, then she sets me down. The blanket of snow on the floor was cold and I started to get teary eyed. My mom and dad turned and without looking back left me in the alley way wailing. It was winter, snow was falling softly, and I gave up crying. Tears were now frozen to my cheeks and I opened my bare hand and caught a twirling flake of snow. My long dark hair touched the snowy earth as I looked up into the heavens where tiny snow angels were coming down to kiss me. Everything was perfect and I forgot myself for a short time. I was shivering with cold and turning bright shades of red. My nose stung with cold and my jeans and sweatshirt were wet. I wasn’t entirely stupid so I put my hood on. Hours passed and my eyes became droopy with needed sleep. I lay down and gave into the so very tempting thought of sleep. My blue coat, dark hair,and position in the snow gave me the appearance of an angel that had come down to earth. As I lay in the snow my life started to flash about me. I would never get to go to school, never see my family, never turn five, never get a job that I want, never know why my parents left me, so many things left undone. Thoughts stopped circulating and I gave into what I believed the only thing waiting for me, death.”
Something slams onto her desk and she jumps. She looks up into the orphanage managers piercing green eyes and trembles.
“What, are you doing?”
“A...an english assignment.”
“Why didn’t you do it earlier?” Candice shrugs. “Get in bed. Lights out.” Candice throws her stuff together and goes to her bed. She tugs her blanket up to her nose as the candle lights flicker out. She closes her eyes and welcomes in the pitch darkness. The heaters hum, barely audible, stuck in her head and acted like a lullaby. As she closes her eyes she puts words to the hum.
There is little to the world if there is no one,
No life will come to you if there is no one,
You will not live on if the world stops spinning,
Every little gain will just fly away,
When the world stops spinning for us,
But you and me together won’t stop spinning,
Even when the world stops spinning,
For us,We will go on and on;
Love you Candice.
Sleep muffles her thoughts and she falls away somewhere far from where she was.