My twist on a classic
|Night-time has fallen and we're all in bed,
waiting for morning, there is wrapping to shred.
As I rouse from my slumber for a trip to the can
I hear a noise downstairs, a strange man!
Who could this be invading my home?
It's Christmas eve and he should leave us alone.
I creep to the landing below to see
just who it is interrupting me pee.
I pick up a bat on the way down below,
it's not for defense and it's not just for show.
I'll whack this intruder with one good knock,
then I round a corner and receive such a shock.
A man all in red is facing the tree,
a bag slung over his shoulder I see.
I rub my eyes thinking this is a trick,
there's no such thing as good old St. Nick!
I raise up my bat thinking someone is sly,
I'll give him a whack, that'll make him cry.
Taking a step to put this guy out,
I stumble and fall, and let out a shout!
There stood a figure almost 3 feet high,
he'd made me trip, I watched the bat fly.
It's an elf! What can all of this mean?
Are the stories true? Santa shouldn't be seen!
The fat man turns with surprise on his face.
Cookie crumbs are littered all over the place.
There's some in his beard,some on the floor,
there's a trail of them leading out the door.
Unsure what to do, I sit there dazed,
the Elf meanwhile is completely unphased.
"Santa?" I ask, like a six year old child.
His hair and beard are running wild.
He looks at me and then starts to chuckle,
"Ho, ho, ho" he says as his buckle
Shakes up and down on his belly with glee,
"That's what I'm called, just little old me!"
"Now what are you doing up at this hour?"
I couldn't refuse to answer such power
I told him what I had been up to.
He stood there frowning, tapping his shoe.
He said "Go to sleep and I'll soon be gone."
I nodded my head and covered a yawn.
Morning came later and I woke up in bed,
rubbing my face and scratching my head.
As my wife and I roused we both heard a shout,
we ran downstairs- we've been cleaned out!
Call the police! No, the paper! The fed!
I saw the guy, he wore nothing but red!
The cops were indignant thinking it was a lark.
I hung up the phone and then, Hark!
I could hear other people milling outside
so I went to look and my chest swelled with pride.
There on the lawn was a huge pile of things,
Xboxes, ipods, and diamond rings.
Everyone stood there reading a sign
placed in front of a tree of mine.
It read "These are the things you asked for today.
Have you taken the time to kneel down and pray?"
Another sign stood alone by the street,
nothing was there but it couldn't be beat.
It read "These are the things I bestow upon you."
It took me a minute to know what to do.
I called all the neighbors to stand on the lawn,
we all held hands, some stifling a yawn.
"We've all received something this special day.
I think I know what the signs try to say.
The things that we want aren't always the same
as the things that we need, and it's a shame,
To have a gift of such magnitude,
yet we continue to be crass and rude.
A glorious morning or a stormy night
is all part of what is so right.
This is the gift we should all treasure,
it will fill your life without measure.
The sky and trees, a calming breeze,
these are the things everyone needs.
So take up your gifts, but never forget,
there are other things more important to get."
We all parted ways and not a moment too soon,
my vision blurred, I began to swoon.
I fell to the ground in a heap by the sign.
I woke up in bed, feeling just fine.
The gifts were there under the tree.
I thought 'No more Eggnogg for me!'