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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1911248-Mad-Mad-Resolutions
by brom21
Rated: E · Other · Other · #1911248
A husband and wife take their New Year's Resolution to the unhealthy extreme.
Ted shouted as he held a piece of paper. “COX has raised their fee again! Combined with Janna’s first tuition and the cost of my brother moving in, we’ll barely get by,” he said to his wife Deanna.

She spoke back to her husband calmly. “Don’t worry hun, we just have to cut back on unneeded things. To begin with, you can start by giving your golf club membership a rest. I know you love it but it is quite expensive.”

Ted looked down, shook his head and sighed. He was silent for a few moments then reluctantly spoke. “Okay, Okay, I’ll put a hold on it for a while.”

Deanna folded her hands and put them to her chin and thought a minute then spoke. “This also means that we have to buy generic things at the store. As a matter of fact, we can make this our new year’s resolution.”

“Alright, but if I have to stop golfing you have to stop going to that fancy salon,” Ted said.

Deanna widened her eyes and frowned. “But that’s…alright it’s fair I guess. The time is past twelve, we have to sleep so we can go to the New Year’s party at the Stalin’s house.”

They quickly went upstairs to their bed and fell asleep. The next morning Deanna, Ted and his brother ate a quick breakfast and talked for a few hours before leaving to go to the Stalin’s place. Practically every member of the family was at the party. Despite the laughing, eating and merriment, Ted was brooding in his mind about what the New Year’s resolution would mean.

First golf and then who knows what next. I can forget about going out to lunch with my colleagues after work. Every time she takes something from me, I’ll just do the same to her. You can give your precious Reader’s Digest subscription good bye sweetie.

The festivities went on for hours until it was time to leave. “Happy New Year’s cousin Bob,” Deanna said while walking out the door. Nothing was left except the drive home.

“Honey, do you think it would be okay if we stopped your subscription of Reader’s Digest for a while?” he said as he turned into the garage.

“But Ted, that cost barely anything,” said Deanna.

“I think it would be a good idea.”

Deanna smiled deviously as she spoke with a coyness in her expression. “Very well, but that brings me to something else. You can only watch one hour of football on Sunday to save power.”

“That’s crossing the line!” he said sternly.

“Honey, calm down.”

He then composed himself and spoke gently. “Very well. That means you have to skip three hot showers a week. You have to use luke warm water otherwise.”

“This means war!” she exclaimed before coming back for another attack. “Fine, I’ll just have to stop buying steaks except for once every three months.”

“That does it! You want to act this way, it’s time to take off the gloves. You’re in for it missy.” Ted said as he walked into the house.

“You have no idea,” Deana said as she followed him in.

For the rest of the night Ted was in the living room reading as Deanna was in the kitchen cleaning. They went to bed without speaking a word. At breakfast time Ted discovered his coffee cup half filled. This is annoying but I can bare it. She has no idea what I’ve got up my sleeve. He thought as he stood up and approached his wife. “Good eggs honey.”

When he got ready for work he went to kiss Deanna good bye. “Eck! Your breath smells!,” said Deanna.

Ted answered calmly as if nothing was wrong. “Oh, I’ve decided to brush only at night from now on to save money buying toothpaste. See yah later Deanna.” When he entered his car he found a note on the dash board. It read: Wanted to save on gas money so I didn’t fill up the car. You’ll have to take the bus. Have a nice day at work! “The nerve of that woman! Oh I’ll show her.” He sat thinking what to take away from Deanna now. Ah, I’ve got it! No more calling long distance to her sister in San Diego.”

Ted pulled out his cell to inform his work that he’d been late. After taking the bus to work, he told his co-workers all that was going on at home.

“I tell yah John, she’s gone mad with this thing, but in the end I won’t let her win. I can take all she throws at me.”

“You know what Jesus would do?” John said calmly.

“Not now John, I’m not in the mood.”

John ignored Teds’ rejection and spoke anyway. “He would humble himself, apologize and admit you’re wrong. Turn the tables and do good to her. Don’t you want it to be right again between you two?”

“Yes actually. We sure have been quite harsh with each other. Okay I’ll give it a try.”

“You’ll be glad you did,” said John.

On the bus ride home he had a peace in himself. When Ted arrived at his house he stopped and said a prayer. Be with me Jesus, let this end. He prayed and then stepped inside and closed the door. Deanna was siting on the couch. Ted sat next to her. “We need to talk.”

“Bring it buddy. Do you want me to hold my breath every five seconds to save on oxygen now?”

“No. I want to apologize. I’ve been a child. I never should have flipped out from the start. From now on let’s be reasonable. How about we go out to dinner. My treat.”

“Really? Oh that sounds great! I’m sorry too. Someday we’ll laugh at this. Can we go to the Outback? ”

“Absolutely.”

“I’ll get dressed,” said Deanna as she ran upstairs.

“Thanks Jesus,” Ted said.

















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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1911248-Mad-Mad-Resolutions