A Review Of "Sweet Release" by fiare
|Thank you for entering Round 50 of The Weekly Quickie, I hope you enjoyed the experience and here is my review...
Entry Title: Sweet Release
My Gut-Level Reaction: A great premise with an abundance of sensuality!
I was enthused from the beginning! Well-written, intelligent Erotica that draws us into a world of suspenseful tease. The characterization is great in the dynamic of Melanie, an executive accustomed to exerting power ceding control to Luke, the voyeur in control and at this point still only a voice on the phone. Melanie as semi-submissive exhibitionist and Luke as the sexually dominant, mysterious voyeur. The proposed anonymity gives Luke one advantage while Melanie's compliance ( or non-compliance) with his requests grants her another. The interplay of give and take, push and pull balances the characters making them all the more interesting for how much they both have to offer one another. The framework of their relationship immediately sets the stage for a very palpable sexual tension and the plot can be read by either a man or a woman and play as true. I would say not to give Melanie any control over the camera because that then makes Luke too dependent, the mechanism of his voyeurism should always be in his control while the object of his voyeurism remains empowered by choice. I think the dynamic could go on ad infinitum and never get stale with all manner of fantasies available to Melanie and Luke to enjoy. Your audience will wait raptly, wondering which installment will be the one where they meet while hoping all the while that they never do...
After all that my only suggestion for "improvement" is a plot suggestion: have this story be a mutual surprise. Melanie and Luke can have an established voyeurism-based relationship but let the ways they facilitate it change from story to story. In regard to Sweet Release why not have the hidden camera be a true hidden camera, where Luke's phone call is the first time Melanie gets told that it is somewhere in her office and he is watching? Surprise! Then follow that with a counter-surprise: Melanie wore the outfit as requested but then uses it to seduce someone in her office. Luke is trapped via the camera to either watch or not, the tension being what will his response be, will he have enjoyed what he saw or be angered by it? And regardless of which direction you go, what then...?
My only critique is in relation to fulfilling the prompt. Yes, Luke sends the outfit as a Valentine gift but afterward what is the surprise? He sent the outfit so he knows what it is and as-written, Melanie has already opened the package and knows to wear it because he is watching. He watches her, she performs, this isn't a change from their relationship but if you had made the camera a new element or have the outfit arrive while he watched then that would have been a Valentine surprise where the unexpected could play out. It is an exciting story but loses the critical eighth of a star by not completely addressing the demands of the prompt.
Rating: ( 4.7 )