by Than Pence
Cramp Co-Winner: Behind bars, a digressional dragon tries saving itself!
It is true that I am a dragon on the outside, but I am a heart-and-soul human on the inside. I crossed paths with a wretched conjurer named Spizzle the Speller. Ordinarily, he is quite adept at his conjurations. In case you were wondering, conjuring is drawing something from another realm. It is, in fact, how most of the other rare and exciting creatures came to exist in this depressing menagerie of the fantastique – it’s been ages since I have been able to write with such flare, so forgive me, please.
Anywho, Spizzle decided to try his hand at transmogrification: that’s turning something into something else, not unlike how a mistress might turn into thin air when the wife comes home… but I digress, goodness me!
Well, Spizzle – isn’t that a peculiar name? You don’t see too many names with Z’s in them. I guess because one might think it’s a bit tired! Ha, oh goodness, yes!
Spizzle tried his hand at transmogrification – now that is quite a word to write out, isn’t it? I mean, my word! Why am I attempting it? Why aren’t I using the word “change” or even “transform”? Am I trying to show off my big-boy brain, hoping to impress you? Why on Earth would I try to do that? Maybe I’ll drop a note to Dr. Freud when I’m done with this.
After scanning the letter, I can see that I’ve not only digressed, I’ve just completely nattered on about absolutely nothing! For what? The chance that you can even read Dragonese is very remote! But this stupid transmogri… changing spell turns everything I write into Dragonese! And you have no idea – perhaps not even an inkling – of how long it took me to learn to use my lavish tail as you might your hand. It’s prehensile but I imagine dragons from other realms use them as a form of brake when they want to land. Or maybe they’re to be used as a kind of shock absorber. I wouldn’t know since I’m not allowed to fly. Oh, but it would be good to at least stretch my wings and have at it!
Oh, gracious me! That last paragraph was quite a stone of wastefulness. I fear it may look visually unappealing when you first skim at the letter, as you no doubt will do so. Even though a dragon would’ve handed it to you, secretly, discreetly – I realize in embarrassment those words are the same – you will still just skim the letter rather than start from the top and plow through, whether you can read it or not!
The paper now seems a lot smaller than when I first procured it and I see that I have to wrap this up. I’ll just give you the highlights. I am a human. Spizzle the Speller, however tired his name might look, turned me into a dragon accidentally. He then drugged me and sold me to this travelling troupe of supremely exotic animals in hopes of hiding his mistake. I am looking to you help reverse my unfortunate circumstance in hopes that I may live my normal life, or whatever might be normal now, a hundred years after the fact.
Thank you in advance, and know that I only picked you because your bright, clean teeth and jazzy color palette tells me you like organized adventure, as I am sure this letter will kick off.
Sincerely, Pete the Dragon
Word Count: 576