Seth Rovel, a normal teen, creates an avatar in life due to his twisted family background.
|The dark loomed across rows of shelves, with lights replaced by eerie chilled air. The moan of the air-conditional exhaust fan howled across the room before its death. Sat still, we listened to the fading footsteps behind the doors tapping away in the librarian’s high-heels. Tonight will be another usual night but with a different girl beside me this time. Her name was Jessica, a blonde.
She wore a white low-cut t-shirt and hot pants for tonight. God knows what she was up to…
“Seth, do you think that the guards will find out that we’re here?” Jessica asked, her voice wavering, worried about her first crime. Our fingers smooched against each others’ skin, hand held with fingers crossed, hid low stealing the ‘forbidden fruit’ behind our backs.
I peeped over to check the door lock, then answered, “Don’t worry, sweetie. I am the king of the library at night. I know the rules well here.”
Off the end of the study hall, the glass doors were locked firmly from the outside, shutting out any air ventilation that might rustle the pages in here. Our breath echoed inside our ears, eyes uncertain of where to be placed. Jessica’s phone vibration cut the silence and shattered the awkwardness between us.
“You sure that your parents are okay with this?” I interrupted her.
Hanging onto her text message, she bit her lips and replied, “I can settle with them. I am not a little girl anymore.”
“You lied to them?”
“What about you? Aren’t your parents worried when you don’t go home? I’m sure that I am not the first girl you brought here at midnight.” There were many girls and boys I had stayed overnight at this secret hideout before, almost countless until I can never spell out all of their names right. Before I knew, it had already become a habit.
I searched around in the dark for the sense of familiarity tide to engulf me. This was my home. The smell of the books instead of alcohol and perfumes of women other than mother won over the comfort of ‘home’. Expensive beds and sofas back there at my home meant nothing to me; they felt worse than the hard cold floor in this library; every time when I close my eyes on those furniture, flashes and pictures of their wrong doings rushed towards me.
If tonight was the same as any other night, Thomas would be playing with girls in his bedroom while Sylvia still hanging around in pubs, later passing out on the sofas – what parents they are, not even role models for married couples. The only reason Thomas and Sylvia had not divorced was because of me. Being a hypocrite in front of them just because they are my parents cannot make me smile. It would just burn my inside with anger. I do not want to go home.
Jessica’s breath kissed my neck as I hung my head backward on the shelf and gazed at the imaginary stars, her breast pushed onto my arms, signaling. I rolled my eyes in the dark and hauled a few inches away under my breath. The demons must be sleeping out there, I thought, the Demons worth more of my attention.
“I am so happy that the top scholar in Demonology asked me out tonight,” she whispered, playing with the collar of my t-shirt, then my neck, blowing cool air across thoracic. She was thirsty for attention and waiting for me to feed her.
Maybe a little spice wouldn’t hurt. I felt a slight erection when she licked me. But I snapped back and sat straight, with sitting position changed to pack a few more centimeters between us. At instant, I dismayed sexual desires and scrapped a clean line between reality and imagination. Trying to sound as normal as possible, I replied, “And I’m honoured to be accepted by the top scholar in Arts and Designs, sweetie.” I pursed my lips to pass a silent curse. This girl was a wrong choice to spend a night with. Too loose.
Sensing my rejections, this thirsty lady finally withdrew herself, adjusted a bit of her shirt and switched topic, “Seth Rovel, top scholar of Demonology, why must you be so damned good in your studies? The Journal Department is writing about your latest achievements again! And I have only a five-centimeters-long block news in this series. What is your secret, genius?” I wondered if she felt insulted by the rejection just now.
“Well, grab a book on my subject and I will teach you.” I wanted to slap her butt but held back. Clearly, she was not mad when I rejected her. Maybe I was a bit too harsh on her.
My eyes wandered out of the window and found darkness. It felt like a void approaching from the outside. This darkness all around me… There was nobody else in this library, just all books. The chairs were empty, with scent of heat radiated in the evening already gone, replaced by shadows of the night. The counter had no more clicking sound on the keyboard or white-haired librarian glancing at the students when her specs low, they were replaced by echoes in the vacuum looming from darkness. The shelves were left cold, and had nobody to attend to, helpless and lonely.
I became sudden aware of my surroundings, the shadows walking under the puppet strings of the cloud outside which hid the moon time by time. All these shelves lined up high to the ceiling like giants made me felt so tiny. I crouched in the corner of the wall, wishing to disappear among the shadows. I failed to hear Jessica’s steps behind all these bookshelves. My heart sank. This psychological problem was attacking me again.
This happened before on the first night when I saw my dad laying on another girl, not mum, in his bedroom. He thought I had fallen asleep since it was midnight. It was only through the door slit where I saw him plunged into her. Their screams and panting disgusted my ears. And when that girl turned around with her tongue stuck out, I saw her cheeks red, blushing with happiness, and so was my dad, both of them naked. It was humiliating. Worse thing was when I told mum about it, she laughed pass it and said that she knew it all along. She begged me to keep this a secret as she too did the same thing some times.
I hated them.
No matter what sophisticated toys and how much money they gave me after that, I still hated them.
How could they be so shameless? Both of them were husband and wife, and they had already got me, a son!
I don’t want to return to a home like that.
Every night when I was at home, I put on my headset loud and studies. I read day and night. I paid attention to all demons outside my windows to keep myself companied. I had only temporary girlfriends and boyfriends to text to. There was no one, not even teachers I could go to. They wouldn’t believe me. I studied day and night to forget. I stayed back at the library to keep my mind busy. I stayed illegally in the library after it was closed, and some times when I couldn’t sleep, I took out my torch light to study again. I guessed it was because of all these studies which got me to becoming a top scholar. There was no secret behind it. I just wanted to keep my mind busy.
“Seth?” I heard her calling, but I refused to answer. All these frustrations numbed my head. And my eyes were wet because of these stupid feelings.
I felt her patting my head and comforting me with common words. I had enough of these. Her breast came half out of her low-cut when she continued to hug my head. It was smooth and full. I lost control of what happened next. If you want to comfort me, do it the right way. I felt my lips squashing onto hers, and I tried to get my tongue in. We rolled on the cold hard floor, getting steamed. Her lips were dry at first but slowly were wet by me. I heard her gasped when our lips parted. I pressed onto hers again, hands moving in the wrong place underneath her shirt. I halted when I felt her hands at my pants. “Oh, Seth, that was great. Why did you stop?”
No, this was wrong.
“Seth, what’s wrong?”
What am I doing? Dad would have done this, but not me.
Look at me! If I continued then what difference am I with him?
I had to run. I had to… before…
I picked up my bag and dashed towards the exit, leaving Jessica alone behind. But I forgot that it was locked, no use, I cannot run out until the next morning. I slid downwards on the glass door, holding onto my hair. I had never gone beyond kissing before. And I would never do it until I meet THE RIGHT ONE. What’s wrong with me just now?
Jessica’s footsteps neared me again. “Stay back!” I stammered under my breath, “I am sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you out tonight. I am sorry that I have given you the wrong idea. I have never meant to do this from the start. Please don’t come near me now. Go away.” She stopped, her steps died right there.
“I am sorry, Seth, although I’m not sure what is going on… You are such a jerk…” I heard her crying voice coming from the shadows, and then she walked away not coming near me again ever.