Fictional set of journals by a very intelligent 12 year old girl in a sticky situation.
|Journal Day 1:
Welcome. Welcome to the wonderful world of my very complex and imaginary mind. I am Kathy Drew Seemore. Age: 12 Birthday: August 17th Grade: 7 Occupation: Writing everything that comes into my extraordinarily intricate mind down in this little journal, because my mom is sick of hearing every one of my fascinating stories and renditions of things i have seen on school grounds, in the streets, or in my head. Her motive is to keep me quite so nobody finds out about Daniel. I don't know what seems to worry her so much about him. He is smart, kind, lovable, and extremely knowledgeable of almost anything and everything. She still hasn't yet told me why he is to be kept a secret. I guess I can write to him in this little journal or talk about him to you. Whoever you are. I hope your ready for what is to come... Hmm I like making this sound more mysterious than it really is.
~See you soon
Journal Day 2:
So yesterday was Saturday and my grandfather came up from his so called dungeon for the first time in weeks to ask us for food. His mini refrigerator in the basement ran out. Mom says he has social problems, but I just think he's lazy. She also says everyone in our family has some type of problem and that our gene pool is full of mutations. I don't really understand that idea she has come up with because nobody in our family has any mutations. She's so silly sometimes. I think she makes up stories to rack my mind. She already knows I'm smarter than some of my own teachers. I wonder why she makes me question things so often. She's just making me smarter, and she cant stand my intelligence because it overrides her by so many IQ points. Oh well I have to go remind my grandfather that he needs to eat breakfast. I guess he forgets things. Mom wont tell me why that is either. Maybe she's hiding secrets from me? Nahh she cant do that, I'm too smart to fall for all her little lies and tricks if she makes them.
~See you soon
Journal Day 3:
So this morning I was late to school because I had to go to this weird family doctors appointment. My mom sets them up so gray aka Grandpa, mom and I all get a check up at the same time. I guess it saves money or something. Thats one of the things I really don't understand. Medicine and money. Silly I know you would think those things would be so easy for me to understand, but they are not. The doctor says its because my brain is so full of other things that it has no room left for medicine or money. I tell her that its impossible to say such things to me because I have been filling myself with medication before I could even walk. She tells me that I’m being rude and leaves. I don't like Dr. Mauro very much, she bothers me. My mom says its because she's blunt and has emotional problems of her own. I always question that statement because I didn't think I had any emotional problems. Maybe I do and just don't know it. That is something that fits under the medical category.
~See you soon
Journal continued day 3:
So I normally will only write once a day but something really really bad happened at school today. I was walking down to my science class, which you would assume right now I'm horrible at, and my bottle falls out of my backpack. Not like a baby bottle, just my pills. I have to take them three times a day and I guess they trust me to take them on my own so I don't have to go to the nurse every day at lunch to take them while she watches. I take three massive greenish brown pills every day for something. Again my mom wont tell me what. All I know is they make me really tired and I forget about Daniel and Marly. Right I haven't talked about Marly. She's my friend from... uh oh never mind that. She's just a friend of mine. I seem to forget about there existence for a while but I always remember after an hour or two. My mom says that means I'm trying to hard to keep there memories in my head. I don't get why she wants me to forget about my two best friends. I mean yea they are much younger then me but there always around and its wonderful seeing them in the hallways trying to carry there books or seeing them at the park on the swings. There not related but I think they like each other. Anyway to get back on track I was walking and my pills fall out of my bag and spill all over the floor. Some kid I didn't know stopped to help me pick them up. Thats when Daniel showed up too. I thought he was going to help me pick up the 30 pills that fell to the floor. But no! He grabbed a bunch and sprinted away from me! I quickly dropped my things and ran after him. He went outside and I followed him. Then a teacher I wasn't too familiar with started calling and yelling at me to get back into the building. I tried to explain that Daniel had taken my pills and that they could hurt him if he took some. She just got even more angry and grabbed my arm to pull me inside. I got stuck in the principals office and got a DETENTION for leaving school property. They never mentioned anything about Daniel and I didn't seem him the rest of the day. Mom was furious when I go home. I’m grounded now for bad behavior. I have another doctors appointment tomorrow. I don't understand why I'm in so much trouble. Mom wont tell me anything, and I haven't heard grey in a while. I hope he's okay.
~See you soon
Journal Day 4:
So when I woke up this morning my mom told me to go back to sleep. I questioned her as I always do but then did as she asked. The time was getting closer and closer to school starting and I became worried so I got up again. This time she yelled at me to go to sleep and that I wasn't going to school today. This bothered me but I went back to sleep and slept until about 10 when I finally got up and told myself that I wouldn't be going back to sleep again. I walked downstairs to my mom running into the basement. This occupancy wasn't abnormal for my mom. Grey is sick I think so he coughs a lot. She worries too much about him I think. Then I spent the rest of the day at home. I watched some television which I never ever do. Then I saw Daniel and Marly. I stormed out of the house because I wanted to know why Daniel had done what he did the day before. He says he has no idea what I'm talking about and keeps walking. I guess after that they must have hid somewhere because they were gone. There so silly sometimes. Besides that nothing happened. Just another really confusing day.
~See you soon
Journal Day 5:
I woke up this morning to my mom crying in the kitchen and yelling at something. I ran downstairs to see what was wrong but she dismissed me and sent me back to my room. She kept crying and yelling and I started crying too. I cant deal with other peoples tears without making some of my own. She yelled at me again and thats when I saw Daniel. He was crying and his eyes looked very dark to me. I got scared and I tried to talk to him but he wouldn't answer me, he just kept looking at my mom. She threw her favorite vase in his direction and it hit him in the head. I was so confused and I didn't know who I should be helping. My mom ran out of the room and I tried to help Daniel but I could never get close him. It was as if he was fading away from me. Thats when I blacked out. I woke up in the hospital but nobody was around. This upset me but I fell asleep again. I’m home now. Mom says that she cant keep dealing with me anymore. I don’t know what that means but I’m not very happy about it. Why don't I understand things right? Maybe there really is something wrong with me.
~See you soon
Journal Day 6:
Grey is in the hospital. My mom says that he's very sick and probably wont make it through the night. I don't know what “won’t make it” means. She just got more upset with me when I asked her. I guess its bad. I really don't know. She told me to stay in the hospital with her and that I wouldn't be going back to school for a while. I tried to tell her that I can’t miss too much or my teachers would get upset and I wanted to learn more. She never said anything to me after that. The doctor came in to ask her some questions and there was more and more crying. I kept asking the doctor if he had seen Daniel or marly but he just looked at me funny and sent over a lady with a very colorful shirt. She started talking to me like I was a baby and i got upset and yelled at her that I was an intelligent human being and not a small child like she would expect, and that Daniel and Marley were real to me and even if she didn't think so then it wouldn't matter to me. My mom hit me when I said that. I guess I'm not supposed to defend myself. I still don't know why i blacked out. Nobody ever tells me anything. They think I'm too young to understand. I think I'm stressed.
~See you soon
Journal Day 7:
He died last night. I don’t know why. My mom said he was sick, but with what, I guess Ill never know. She told me that I would be getting a special room in the hospital that I would be staying in for a while. The doctors keep treating me like a baby. I might not be that good at understanding science things, but I'm not stupid. This is one thing I do know. The sign on the door to the hallway says Mental Ward. I can read. They think I'm insane, I don't think I'm seeing Daniel anymore.
~See you soon
Journal Day 8:
This isn't actually day 8. I haven't been able to write for the past week. Im in the hospital until they can figure out my illness. My mom has not visited. Im not sure if she's even allowed too. I am monitored 24/7. Even this journal is being reviewed and edited. I don't know why they do that. They won’t let me do anything that could mess up things in here. There are a lot of really bizarre people in the children's center. I don't feel comfortable in this place. I miss my friends.
~See you soon
Journal Day 9 (secret):
This one is a secret. The doctors all left for the night and so i snuck out of my room to get my journal and write one secret note. They don't want me talking about what they do here but I need to tell you. Its scary here. Kids come in and out like cattle. They usually stay for a week or two and then you never see them again. Everyone is really quite and all. Some people die here. I guess there just so crazy. Anyway they have been doing lots of tests and giving me lots of pills and telling me to do weird things like draw pictures and write and read and all. Its all very immature to me, but its becoming more difficult for me to do the things they ask of me. Its like they are draining everything out of my brain or something. All the pills make me feel really numb and stupid. Sometimes I just fall over walking down the hallway and stuff. I always wake up on the floor, I guess thats just part of the tests or something. Nobody helps anyone out when they need it. I don't understand how any of this is helping. I’m starting to think that maybe this isn't really a mental ward at all. But thats what it says on the door. Another weird thing is that nobody is allowed in or out of the ward without special permission and even seeing your parents and friends is monitored and you’re only allowed to say certain things. Nobody is supposed to know what’s going on here. There aren't even cameras. I’m afraid of this place. This is week two. The days go by really slowly sometimes.
~See you soon
Journal Day 10:
I have a therapist now. He makes me feel stupid and like a baby. I’m starting to think I am now.
~See you soon
Journal Day 11...?:
I can’t remember anything. They told me to write in this book. I don't know who used to have it, but I guess I’ll just write something. So hi. I’m 6075A
My number is getting to be annoying. I haven't seen my mom in over a month. I remember writing in this book now. I know my name is Kathy, but I'm not allowed to use that name anymore. The number is for security and organizational purposes. I hate this place. Turns out my mom put me in here because she didn't want me anymore. i was too much to handle. She's gone now. Like dead gone. I think she got into a car crash. They gave me pills to keep me from being sad. They do these tests to see how special smart kids like me can handle weird brain pills that make you feel less or more than you are. I guess I'm not doing what they want. Those other kids that used to be here all turned into vegetables. Not literally though. I guess I'm not that yet.
~Feeling like a veggie
6075A: They have moved me to a new ward. Its in a different part of the hospital and there are no more tests or anything. It kinda feels like just living in a big house full of kids. There are a lot of us here, but we are not allowed to talk about were we came from or anything about our lives. I wonder if this is just another experiment or not. I’v heard through some rumors that all of these kids are orphans just like me. I’m not sure if its true though. Daniel told me that. Oh right!! I forgot to mention that Daniel is here too. I’m not allowed to ask him wear he went and why he was here, but I just assume its for the same reason as me. I said that I was sorry that his parents died, but he didn't seem to understand what i was talking about. Maybe they gave him pills to make him forget. I think they tried to give me some too, but it didn't make me forget anything I don't think. There is one really old creepy lady here with all of us. She keeps mumbling and then sometimes she just bursts out into screaming something in some other language that none of us know. The doctors say that she just never wanted to leave, and that we could leave if we ever wanted too. Some kids have gotten out, but we have never heard from them since. I get really suspicious about that. But I'm just a kid, what do I know anymore.
6075A: The old lady left today. She just stopped talking all together and I think they brought her to another part of the hospital. I’m stating to get really anxious about this place. I made a friend. Her name is Gillian. She also known as 6078C. She told me her name, and I told her mine. I really like her. She's nice. We talk about those things we aren't supposed to. Its kinda fun to break the rules.
6075A: Gillian found me in my room today. We talked about different ways to let the people let us leave this place. She says her dad died in a car crash a little while after she admitted. She has multiple people disorder or something. She thinks she's all these different kids. It's kinda funny I think. The doctors told her that she needed to pick a person, because they would never be able to keep track of all five. She tried to tell me about a few of them, but to her there all very similar. She says there's Hannah who is very quiet and shy and likes to draw. She showed me some of the things Hannah drew, but I don't want to talk about them. They were very impressive but sad and I don't even want to talk about that anymore. I asked if Gillian could draw like that. She said she couldn't. It's like she really is different people. Then there is Sammy. Sammy is really loud and crazy and tells at everyone. She said that it was the most fun being Sammy and she would have picked the over Gillian, but she knew the doctors would send her to The Space. "The Space" as all the kids call it is a scary place in the hospital that none of us have ever been. I hope I never end up there.
6075A: Gillian didn't take her medication today because she overslept. I guess when she doesn't take it her people come back. So today she is Sammy. She yelled for me across the lunch room today and it was actually kinda scary to see. She's so different. The doctors won't give her the meds that she needs today because there trying to analyze her reaction. That's what the lunch lady Marisa said. Marisa is the only way any of us know what's going on in this place. She overhears everything the doctors talk about in the mornings and tells us if we ask. She's really nice. But there's something a little shady about her I think. Then again, I really never know anything about this stuff. I think my meds are making me less smart. I’v read over some of my past journals and I don't understand a lot of the words. Maybe there trying to make me "normal."
6075A: Sammy and I went back to her room after lunch. She wants to go and see The Space. I told her that Gillian would never go and do that, and that we could get in big trouble. She cursed at me and told me to just go along with it. I can't not now. So I guess I'm going with her.
4967B: We got caught. Sammy or Gillian or whoever she claims to be is gone. They brought her to another hospital. They put me in The Space. It's this weird prison like place. I guess it's were when you get in big trouble. The room just has one bed and a small window in the top right corner with bars across it. They give me a lot of sleeping pills and if I don't take them they don't let me leave this room. I just sleep and live in here. I have to stay for three weeks as my punishment. We saw things that were never meant to be seen. They trust I won't tell anyone. There stupid.
Patient 4967B has slipped into an emotionally induced coma. She will not be able to continue to write until she wakes. The last few journals give information that is not allowed out of this hospital. They have been taken out of the journal. Please return to room 65A in the child red wing of the CELM "Child Experimentation Lab and Morgue"
Journal Day 1 (after coma):
The doctors asked me if I had seen Daniel in a while. I told them that my mom wouldn't let me talk about him and they would have to ask her permission first. They said she was dead. I don't know why. They gave me some sleeping pills and they didn't work. I can't remember why I'm here. Daniel died too I think. They said I wouldn't be seeing him or his friend ever again. I'm sad. I don't know what happened. The nice nurse lady told me that they weren't real, but that can't be. I talked to them even touched them. They couldn't have been all up in my head. She tried to tell me that they were already dead, and that I could see them, but nobody else could. God would never give me that ability. That is sin, according to the other doctors. Mr. Mathews gave me a bible to read. He said that if I wanted to die in peace I would need to understand why and how I could see the dead, and to try and be forgiven for my mother’s sudden death. I know they did it. I put myself in a coma I'm not stupid. I know it's not my fault. It can't be. I wasn't even around. She left me in this hell hole because she was afraid. I understand her. I'm afraid of myself. Oh, and it's my birthday. I'm finally a teenager. This isn't how I thought it would be.
Journal Day 2:
Iv slept a lot. I feel less smart, but older. They say you never feel older as soon as you age a year, because a year is such a long time. But I do feel older. I feel like there is less inside of me. Nothing is normal it's very empty. The doctors don't treat me the same. They brought me back to the regular hospital and I got to see my aunt who finally got out of jail. She can't take care of me, but it was nice to see someone from the family. The doctors say that I'm not needed anymore. I still don't understand what they did to all of us. I feel, well, normal. Maybe that was the point. Maybe they took kids that were extra, and made them like everyone else. Supposedly I had some brain thing were I was using this weird part that isn't supposed to be used in the way it was. So I "thought" I was seeing dead people. I just think it's my gift. My aunt says everyone is born with a gift and mine was just more special. She says they made me less special. That's hard to take. I guess I'm not extra anymore.
Journal Day 3:
Sammy came back today to say hello. She is fully Sammy now, but acts very much like Gillian. I think they made her pick again. She says that she feels very odd not having so many voices in her head anymore. She also says that there was one doctor who secretly had the same disorder as her, and helped her through it all. I guess it helped her feel less crazy. I wish there was someone out there to help me feel less crazy.
Journal Day 4:
My aunt is going to take me out to lunch today. She finally got her license back so she can drive me places. She did a lot of drugs and was a total hippie her whole life. She hasn't done drugs in a long time but she acts like she's high all the time. It's kinda nice though. She's very calm and happy, oblivious and her reality is a lot different then mine. She tells me about the way she sees things and its very interesting.
Journal Day 5:
We went to lunch. I couldn't eat a single thing. It was actually painful for me to get the food down. I couldn't handle being out in the actual world. I was so nervous and anxious and there was nothing i could do but stare at everyone and think about how they have no idea what’s going on just down the street. I really think I need to get out more or something. Maybe i can live with my aunt in her special helpers home thing. Its this living space that is paid for by donations that helps woman coming out of prison and have no place to go. They give them all free medical help and get them a job so they can make some decent money and finally live on their own someday. Oh how lovely would it be if i could venture into a place like that. A place that actually takes care of you and doesn't treat you like a lab rat sitting in a cage just waiting to be poked and prodded and bothered all the time. Thats what it felt like to be in that stupid crazy hospital. Oh i don't want to go back. Maybe my aunt can just take me away. Oh i wish i wish that could be true! My hopes are high, for the first time in a very long time.
Journal Day 6:
Just so you are aware, these journals aren't always every single day. I mean they usually span over a few days because i don't always have time to write or think or function. I have no idea of the date or time or anything. They tell you when you are supposed to know and never when you ask. I really don't know how long i have been in here for. I have finally completed my weird school thing so I can keep on going with my class next year for 8th grade. Im really excited to go back to school actually. I don't feel like such and awkward taco anymore. Thats funny to say... hmm i shouldn't over think it. Those meds really did a job on me though. According to the teacher, my grades in her class have dropped to a more “normal” level. I used to get over 100% in everything but science. I still really hate science. I guess its ironic because iv been involved so much in all of these weird experiments and things and i should know whats going on, but i don't. Maybe one day ill come back and understand everything because adults are supposed to know everything. My mother really didn't know too much. It has actually just hit me that she is gone. I haven't seen anyone in my family for so long that it feels like they don't even exist. I want them back in my life.
Journal Day 7:
Iv been feeling really horrible lately. Realizing that mom and grey and dad and everyone is just gone, its becoming really hard to handle. I guess they tried to make me numb so i forgot and didn't feel much pain when it all happened, but now its really starting to sink in. Everyone is talking about finally getting to go home and sleep in there own beds and do the things that they used to do, and I don't get the chance to do those things. The government took away my house once they realized that nobody was paying the bills. So I really just have my hippie aunt and myself to fend off of. Oh and I got to learn about my moms crash. Turns out she was drinking too much. Like she had poisoned herself with alcohol. I never really knew she drank, but then again i was completely oblivious to everything besides myself. So maybe she did. They aren't sure if it was intentional or not. I’m thinking it was because I went crazy or whatever. Thats hard to take to. And my dad doesn’t even know I exist. Maybe ill just be like my aunt, all happy and oblivious to the world. Maybe things are nicer that way.
Journal Day 8:
It's been a week. Most of the people that were here are gone. This hospital goes through floods of kids every few years, but after they all leave there isn't many people left in this section for a few months. I'm left with some of the adults that "just stayed" and some creepy doctors and a janitor. I really need to get out of here. They don't even let you see how to get out. Everything is dark hallways and closed eyes and ears. They guide you places so that you can't ever run away and nobody knows how to get to you. It's the worst thing they could ever do. It's prison, that's what it is. A stupid ass prison. Pardon my language.
Journal Day 9:
Well I'm getting out! Iv figures out a way to do it. All I need to do is get hurt. Now I know that sounds bad and all but there isn't a real medical section that actually takes care of you. When I was in the coma, I wasn't in the creepy part. They took me to another section of the hospital which is why they were treating me so oddly. I wasn't from the normal outside world and they almost never get anyone from the experimental part of the hospital. So all I need to do is get hurt enough that I can still get out but be awake and functioning. So if I just hurt my arm per say, then I can get to that part of the hospital, and I'll make sure that they can't drug me or anything and find a way out. Well at least that's the plan.
Journal Day 10:
Okay I can't do it. I was going to "fall down the stairs" but I can't bring myself to do such a thing. It's crazy. This whole thing is insane. I think, I just need to get my aunt to bring me to lunch again, and then never bring me back. I'll tell her everything she needs to know to be convinced that I should never go back. That will be easy. I just need to say that there is no peace and all that weird stuff and she will never bring me back. That's a safer plan, I think.
Journal Day 11:
Okay today is the day. I got them to let me go out with my aunt again and this time I won't close my eyes and ears when they walk me out so I can help everyone else. If I can hear at least one thing or see one thing that I recognize then maybe I can get this whole sick sceme demolished. Oh that would be so amazing.
Journal day 11 (continued):
I could hear crying. Babies. It was the ICU for babies right under that level in the hospital I swear that is wear we were I swear! That must be why they keep it there. Nobody goes into the ICU for babies. It's not allowed unless your authorized and obviously the doctors in that place are allowed in and out. And you know what, they think we're all crazy looking down and coving out ears and walking all over the place. It just covers up everything perfectly. It's sick.
Journal Day 11( again):
Well I talked to my aunt. She's down to get me out, but she said that she needed to ask the boss of the women's home first. So we're going to head over there before she "brings me back" to ask if I can stay. I already look a mess. They can't say no, can they?
Journal Day 12:
They won't let me come. I'm not a criminal. I told them all the things that place did to me, but they don't believe a single word I say. I never prepared to be let down. I have no plans now.
Journal Day 13: