An ode to various comfort foods
|Sing me a song of comfort food
All things that make you quite fat
As I sit in my big ol' rocking chair
As I stroke my dog and my cat
It starts with a tail of two lovers
One is a boy with red hair
His girl is short and is blonde
And her skin is awfully fair
The Boy is named William
And the girl her name is Marge
Her Mom likes to cook a lot
And therefore she is extremely large
The Boy is out at the stables
Grooming his favorite horse
Then comes Marge looking quite upset
As she stomps across the race course
Marge says "I'm leaving you!"
"I can't be with you anymore
You love animals more than me
You are quite frankly a bore!"
William was shocked as she walked away
He didn't know what to do or to say
So he did the only thing he could do
He gave his horse some more hay
Then William walked down to the Greasy Spoon
And he then sat alone at the bar
He ordered a root beer float
He knew he would not get very far.
Marge went back to her home
And said "I broke up with Will."
Her Mother said "OK Honey."
"Just eat until you've had your fill."
While William was sipping his root bear
The Cook shimmied up to the bar
And said "What troubles you Sir?"
"You look worse then my wife's car!"
"My girlfriend broke up with me!"
William cried into his root beer
"Because I was to fond of animals
That is the worst that I fear!"
"I think it's isn't your fault."
The cook said with a purr
"You see I know the whole family
Is highly allergic to fur!"
"If she doesn't want to admit
That her allergies forced the break up
Than you probobly don't need that girl
Here, have my famous fruit cup!"
William he smiled and shed a tear
As he ate the delicious fruit
Marge eating at home
Stains formed on her best suit
Her Mom had piled before her
A feast of immeasurable size
And Marge decided she would eat it all
Her stomach was larger then her eyes
She ate the mashed potatoes
And had some asparagus
And then as she ate the artichokes
She started to swear and to cuss
"I'm feeling so awfully itchy!
Right here on my rear and my back!"
She then slurped up her tomato soup
And her lips gave an awful big smack!
"My Dear I'm afraid there is one way.
Out of our allergy to fur
Is to become the thing we're allergic to."
Said her Mom as she picked out a bur
Marge looked at her hands
And saw that they turned into hooves
On her belly she saw an udder
Full of wrinkly grooves.
She realized much to her horror
That she was a black and white cow
Her Mom said "Sorry Dear."
"But William will like you better now."
So Marge got off her seat
And took off her stained clothes
And set off to find her true love
She just had to follow her nose
William said good bye to the Cook
And headed off for home
Then he noticed in the rain
A Cow that was starting to roam
"What is a cow doing here?
So far from the farm and the hay?"
The Cow went up and nuzzled him
It looked like she wanted to play
Will said "By gosh you're friendly!"
"I'm not sure where you belong."
So he took her home
And that is the end of my song.