Cereal at 5:36AM
|I was up rewriting a few chapters of Cassiopeia's place when hunger struck. I have never gone from, 'not hungry at all' to 'I need food now!', so quickly. |
So, I walked to the kitchen, stood in the middle of the floor and looked around.
Stomach growling. I thought maybe it saw another stomach outside the window but, nah, I was just hungry.
I see a few cupboards with an assortment of different snacks - crackers, popcorn, and so on. Then, from atop the refrigerator; there they were - Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble looking at me with those familiar prehistoric, seductive eyes. Delicious fruity pebbles are calling my name... Well, I assume it was my name - they were mumbling. Either way, I found myself in a modern-day Bedrock garden,
This garden contained had some of the most ripe, sought-after fruit in the town of Bedrock. I reached for the box which, by the way, was a family size box. While reaching, I stubbed my toe on the cabinet below the fridge. I reach down to grab my toe, in an attempt to ease the pain, and hit my elbow on the same cabinet. Funny bone.
I digress from this story for a moment - To this day, I still have not been able to decipher that feeling of the funny bone. Is that pain? What is that? It's bizarre because it hurts a little yet I laugh hysterically.
Back to story -
I ask myself "Are fruity pebbles worth all of this pain and discomfort?" Of course, man...come on. I look at the cabinet and call it a few colorful expletives. Use your imagination. I am not going to write them out here.
I take a step back from the fridge to collect myself. I do a few calisthenics, pound my chest, and stare at the box of cereal. This time I take a different route to get there. I flank to the other side of the fridge, reach up and grab the box.
Now, off to the cupboard to retrieve the biggest bowl I can find. I find the big white one with flowers on it. Yeah, that's right, it has flowers on it. I don't care, flowers are nice and they usually smell good. Thinking flowers are nice does not make me less of a man, and besides, it's only a bowl. Judge me or don't - I don't care.I
Pop quiz - How many bowls would Matthew have to consume to polish off an entire box of Fruity Pebbles?
Hint: Don't forget to carry the 4.
So anyway, I put some pebbles into that bowl. I must now retreat back to the fridge to get the milk. As I walked back towards the big cold box, I was thinking to myself "Man, I am glad I am already wearing my favorite hoodie and my super comfortable pajamas.
Fruity pebbles, my favorite pajamas, and writing...life is beautiful."
I now have the cereal. I take the first bite before I even get to the table.
All that anticipation caused me to inhale the pebbles as opposed to chewing them.
Keep in mind, this is the first bite. I didn't choke but I did have some pebbles lodged in my windpipe. The remaining 25 minutes of finishing the huge flower bowl of cereal was not even close to what it should have been.
What started off as a beam of light from the heavens, ended up being a long, drawn-out experience of "No way I am wasting any fruity pebbles" type of situation. I was having trouble swallowing (which is a key component to eating) and I was coughing... a lot.
Disclaimer: I do not hold Frederick Flintstone or Barnaby Rubble responsible for any of this. They remained neutral the entire time - even when I was in pain from kicking my own ass on that cabinet - their facial expressions never changed. Very professional. 'Post' should be proud to have such responsible men as their spokesmen for this cereal (especially considering they are cavemen and have a 'Yabba Dabba Do Time' on a frequent basis).
In the end, I did get my cereal. My hunger was put at ease and I was able to continue working on 'Cassiopeia's place'. Instead, though, I decided to write this.