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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1947146-I-Need-to-Get-Ahead
Rated: 13+ · Monologue · Satire · #1947146
A monologue about how hard it is to get ahead these days.
I Need to Get Ahead

I need to get ahead! 
Your head would do nicely!
My head is defective so a transplant is required.
Would three o'clock tomorrow be good for you?

It's rather hard to find heads just laying around now-a-days,
and you never know if a stray head could be defective.
Your head would satisfy my need, since I consider you to be quite intelligent!

Of course, I would never expect to request someone's head without offering one in return,
so I am willing to exchange heads with you in the form of a trade and some added monetary payment.

My head, although defective, is still quite useable, since I have only been diagnosed with a mild case of schizophrenia.
I would be willing to part with an insane amount of money in exchange for the use of your head, especially since I am a man and you are a woman!

The fact is, I'm very tired of having to shave every day.  With your head, I might be inclined to kiss the mirror, but I am willing to exchange cleaning the mirror, for the task of shaving.

Besides that, it would be amusing to see the astonished look on a suitor's face, when he realizes that I'm not what he expected!

I happen to know a very accomplished surgeon, Dr. Victor Frankenstein.  Shall I give him a call?  I assure you, he's quite accomplished!

"Hello, Dr. Frankenstein, are you available tomorrow for a rather lengthy surgery?  I have a slight problem that needs your fine skills".... 

     
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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1947146-I-Need-to-Get-Ahead