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Rated: 13+ · Script/Play · Satire · #1949521
Some people are swept into a new reality.
Are We in Heaven?

It's an unimpressive small auditorium with a half round architecture.  Several people are sitting comfortably, when a tall woman with dark brown hair enters, steps up to a podium with a thick binder, and begins to speak.

"Hello and welcome to the Resurrection and Recycling Department.
I am Ms. Comstock, your resurrection coordinator.
As you may have guessed, all thirty seven of you are currently inactive, or as you say on Earth, "deceased".  It's probably evident to you all since your aches and pains are gone, and you can't feel the weight of your body.

"m m m miss,  Are we in Heaven?"  (Todd asks).

(Comstock):  "No, there is no Heaven, but later on, we will take a two hour break for ping pong in the recreation room."

"In a few weeks, you will all return to Earth as new people.  You will be born just like you were last time, without remembering anything about the lives you have just experienced.  You see,,, the universe recycles.  This is not "reincarnation" as some of you call it.  It's energy redistribution.  Your current soul with all of your memories will remain here for you to relive as you like, and as long as you like, but eventually, you will all become bored with that and desire to join with the universal energy grid.  When that happens, you will lose all of your memory and self awareness."

"First, you will all have to go into a purification chamber.  In that chamber you will relive your entire life experience, but you will learn how all of your decisions affected the people and the world around you.  If you were mean to someone, you will experience their pain.  If you were kind to someone you will feel their appreciation.  This will bring your souls into balance, which will then, purify your spirits in preparation for your new life." 

"After you have been purified and purged, you will go to the "Life Establishment Center" where you will be able to choose the basic structure for your new life.  In essence, you will design your own fate.  You will choose what part of the world to be born in, what race you will be, who your parents will be, and how you will look in order to best attain your desired field of interest and occupation.  Each of you will be able to plan your next adventure on Earth or the other 7,340,000 habitable planets.

"You will have a coach to guide you with these decisions, since there are many that you cannot choose because of some inappropriate acts that you committed in this lifetime, For example:

Mary Hicks,,, My records show that you gave two Viagras to your dog, which would prohibit you from living between 1998 and 2,076. when Viagra existed.
Can I ask why you did that to your dog?"

(Mary):  "I wanted to see if they worked before I gave any to my husband."

(Comstock):  "Well judging from these photos they worked quite well, but they caused the dog allot of discomfort!"

(Mary):  "You mean we aren't born into a future Earth?"

(Comstock):  "Time is an illusion.  The future has already happened.  Every possibility simultaneously happened with the "BIG BANG".  You will have the choice of living in early Egypt or in the year 2,709 when flying cars were replaced by personal atomic transporters and people preferred androids as partners."

(Hand waving wildly)  "Ms. Comstock"

(Comstock): "Yes Judy."

(Judy):  "When do we get judged"

(Comstock):  "You will judge yourself in the purification chamber.  There is no one here who will grade your life experience."

OK, we will take a two hour brake now.  There are refreshments in the hallway outside.  Please help yourselves to doughnuts and cookies before heading out for ping pong to the left.

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