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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1954482-Hillbilly-Coon-Hunt
Rated: 13+ · Short Story · Comedy · #1954482
A comedy about hillbilly life.
Hillbilly Coon Hunt

We was headed out for a fun day o coon huntin, me and my boy Mucus. (That ain't his real name but that word best describes him).  Thare was a good chance we'd spot one up the trail where we been puttin out the cat vittles.  Them coons are skarety cats so we had to do the huntin before the fall leaf drop or else they'd be makin bee lines back into the woods from the leaf cracklin noises whenst we walked up on em.

Them thare coons are some smart critters and it arn't easy to just walk up an blast em!

I tolt Mucus to stay put whist I strode on ahead to check fer the varmints.

The air smelt like fer trees as soon as I got fer anough away from Mucus to smell it.  A few more feet an I wuld be able to tell if thare was any coons around thare, in the area.  By golly thare was one now, an he was a biggin!  I dicided to go back an get the boy, cause two guns are better n one.  Sides that he needed praktice shootin the varmints.

So we come up real slow like on the critter,  (unbenounced to him all), who wast about to feel the hot lead from our weaponry!  Shownuff
thare he was, like a crazed bandito shuvlin down that thare cat food.  I winked at Mucus, (that were the sekret cignal that it wast time to blast the critter).  BLAM BLAM BLAM!  Mucus and me was shootin like we was soldiers in Assgassastan.

"Dang it all Mucus y'all missed the varmint"! (I tolt him).  "Dog gone it Mucus you done went an put a hole in that thare wisky barel". (That was what we put the cat vittles on).  "Ya'll gonna hafta get some o that thare tree sap an a branch to plugg the hole with". ( I tolt the boy).  We was gonna need that thare barel to store the moonshine in.

Ma's gonna be eruptin with dissaperntment now cause you went an skaert off our dinner.

I guess were gonna hafta go catch sum o them crappy fish again, cust we gotsta eat sumthin.

Stop ya'lls cryin now Mucus and fer peets sake use a kertchif on that thar runny nose o yers!       
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