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Rated: 13+ · Monologue · Comedy · #1962086
An interesting factory public tour
Hello And Welcome to

Hello and welcome to Squishybelly Farms!
I'm Vanessa and I'll be guiding your tour of the Squishybelly Farms factory today.
We make over thirty different varieties of gourmet jams, jellies and preserves here.
During our tour, you will be able to sample most of our products. 
Whenever you see a table like this one with a red and white tablecloth, we invite you to sample products from any of them.

Squishybelly Farms was started in 1939 by Elsie Flimberholter, two years after winning several jam and jelly awards, at our local South Carolina State Fair.

The first product to go into production was her "Opossum Peach Preserves" named so because the preserves make people very sleepy shortly after eating them, which is why there are no samples offered for this product.

The second product is our famous "Squishybelly Apple Butter."  It's sure to give you that wonderful Squishybelly feeling.

To our left is our "Jigglin Squishybelly Cherry Jam", which has tiny mint candies mixed in it.  The sample table is right over there.

In this room we make our delicious "Squishybelly Fruit Fiesta" which has a little bit of Jalapeno in it for the cold Carolina days.

Excuse me...would someone please go and find that heavyset man back at the "Jigglin Squishybelly Cherry Jam" sample table?

Thank you miss.

This room is where we make our Squishybelly squeeze bottles.  You can enjoy all of our products, which are also made in a saucy texture, and are available in these squeeze bottles.  I like to just squirt the Squishybelly sauce right onto my tongue for a quick energy boost, especially with our new Squishybelly Caffeine Cocoa Cooler.  One tablespoon will keep you up like a triple shot espresso.  I strongly suggest that you keep this one away from your children.  My son drank a half of a bottle and was literally bouncing off the walls between bathroom visits, so be sure and read the diarrhea warning on the back label.

Oh good...our missing tour member is back...I forgot to mention to everyone to limit your samples to one per product.  We don't want to have to call in the paramedics now do we?

Alright then...here we are at our store and gift shop, where you can purchase all of the products featured on the tour, as well as Squishybelly gift baskets.  Oh, I almost forgot to mention...That's a picture of Elsie Flimberholter, our founder.  The poor woman was skin and bones till she finally died from an eating disorder in 1957.

Thank you all and I hope you had a great Squishybelly experience!




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