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Rated: E · Column · Comedy · #1963843
Babies and what they are thinking
We've all heard the expression "Out of the mouth of babes" but the more interesting aspect of children is how their minds work. It's easy to guess when they are able to talk but what about those little ones who are new to the world and have yet to utter their first word?

If I cry, I get whatever I want and people pay attention to me. I wet my pants, they change me. If I'm hungry, they feed me. If I want a new toy...

If I touch something that hurts me, I will never do it again or I will do it again to see if the same thing happens twice plus did you see the look on Mom's face?

Why do all the people hang around the crib? They don't have somewhere to be or something to do? "Isn't she cute!" "Isn't he a handsome boy!" Please leave me alone!

Where do they get this stuff that they're feeding me? I don't care if you do make airplane noises or say it's good---I'm not eating it.

Why do you take me to places where I have to wait? I want to make the most out of my day. I can't sit still while there is so much to see and do. My time is already limited because of the naps and please make sure these places have some toys for me to play with.

After I have my bath, I should be allowed to run away from you. We already had bath time together and I need my space.

I am not a package you are wrapping up for someone. Do not shove me into clothes that are not comfortable to wear. I also would rather not wear socks, shoes, or hats. You put them on and I guarantee I'm taking them off. If you think they are so cute, you wear them.

When I'm in the middle of doing something that I find fun, don't ruin it by lecturing me, telling me to get down or put that away right now. Is it really that big of an issue?

Cats have more lives than I do so let me squeeze the life out of one.

Peek-a-boo can get boring after awhile so find someone else to play with.

I will do whatever it takes to get in the car for a ride even if I have to throw myself on the ground when Daddy goes to work without me or if your friend stops by to drop something off. I don't want to use the cute factor, but I will.

Don't go into the toy section of a store if I'm not going to be allowed to play with anything there. The other kids' moms let them!

If another kid takes my toy, I'm not sharing. If he/she didn't bring their own toys, that's their problem not mine. "Mine" is now a part of my lingo.

Don't eat something in front of me and not share or say that I can't eat it.

When I need to be burped, do it quickly. My biggest fear is blowing up.

When you're teaching me how to walk, let me do it on my own. I'll walk when I'm ready or if you place one of those "No touch" items in front of me.

I am not famous. I'm tired of you blinding me with cameras whenever I do anything. You were the one telling Daddy that whats-her-name is always showing pictures of her kids. Mom, you need help!

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