|Dear blog readers, for my first post I want to say I've learned two things in this crazy life:
Things change in life, you can't stop it....just put your hands down next to your sides and go down the slide.
People get put into relationships that are toxic, can we stop this? Are we doomed to spin around for life looking for the cracks that fall in our own personal "Statues of David" or get sucked into said cracks?
I've seen people attracted and like the proverbial moth to the flame, the female moth pulls off the male moths wings and tosses his ass in the fire....I've seen people however in 'sucessful' relationships. I've personally been in a toxic relationship...and kept going back. I realized later that I was trying to change the person and bring them up, instead I was being dragged into the 9th level off hell, and then God tossed me a shovel and I kept digging.
But in all these relationships I noticed four common things that occured. First, I think people don't want to be alone, they would rather suffer in company (and decent sex) instead of working to improve themselves alone to find a better mate...moth...black widow spider...whatever. These are "The doomed", who will bounce from relationship to relationship and suffer abuse, mental anquish, and Swanson tv dinners while watching a boring show about quilts on public television.
Number #1.5-Do not mock the Swedes, the Swedes will not be trifled with...Victoria Silvested anyone??? Czechs have serious women too...Veronika Zemanova and Denise Milani would make me crawl over broken cans of cheese whiz for them, and I'd do it with a smile on my face. (Is it wrong to be an international stalker for Veronika if all I can do is admire her larcenous tendencies with my heart from afar....)
Number #2: People are too territorial about themselves. A morning walk of shame to reflect is far better than passing out alone. A person that protects themselves is prudent, but pushing people away because of former relationships is as good as yesterday's news. Get the sheets dirty woman! If a person goes based on first impressions, they should get a Siamese kitten. Get yourself involved!
Now I'm not saying men and women should sleep around every night, but I've noticed that instead of walking forward discovering other people, some crumble and slide back (myself included) because of emotions and that voice "Don't bother"....so they slide back into a former relationship thinking that "it'll be better this time"....when it's all doomed to fail.
So an easy fix for #2, I know people hurt, and some can't move on...."GET OVER IT!" If you see that prospective mate preening her feathers or thumping his chest....get to know them...discover personalities, laugh and have fun, and yes....rumple the sheets. Maybe it will work, maybe not, but at least you are alive and in the game.
Number #3: "You won't find someone who loves you unless you love yourself first"....never truer words spoken. Love thyself! (use lotion if you take this literally) But when you look at yourself, look at the great points, and the cracks and flaws....if everyone was perfect, I'd take cyanide with my Cheerios because I'd be so damn bored. It's the cracks and flaws that blend with the beauty to make people interesting. So know your faults, and capitalize on them....(unless you are a serial killer...then get help.) Learn to laugh at yourself, and as you do, others will laugh with you. Then people will notice you and start to get interested....(see #2 about personalities and rumpling sheets)
Last but not least, number #4. Don't dwell or get negative emotions involved. Get out of your comfort zone and try different things. This is the best way to deal with new things because-you've already tried something similar and are used to being OUT of the zone. The best relationship I was in was when a girl told me she cheated while drunk. I was understanding...but told her I was owed one. I did, and it was great. We weren't swingers, but if it happened it happened....she came home to me at night and we were stronger than ever because our "negative emotions" didn't hump my leg like a rabid wiener dog. I looked at her and us and we were happy until she moved to L.A.. But the point is, if you settle for "the same old thing" whether it be lifestyle or your mental aspect of how to deal with things, then once one wants to spice things up, the other can get jealous, suspicious, and angry because they feel inadequate. Eliminate it....push the level, enjoy growing together or grow apart...and if something bad happens remember...you can act or react...I prefer to react positively...and it worked out amazingly. This could be as simple as trying different food, travel, or an excursion through a Tibetan brothel...point is, lose inhibitions and negative feelings...it's easier than it sounds. I've actually lost girls because they felt I was "too laid back" and didn't care about them....when I do and just deal with what happens as it comes.
Some people say they can't change or it's either to roll over and settle with what they know, my disbelief is like an iron fortress of disbelief...patrolled by Superman...and he doesn't believe you either.
In this year of 2012, Romeo would have been a thug and Juliet a prostituted mother of three based on their actions in todays world...so don't base life on fiction...feelings DO count and romance is far from dead...just realize times change faster than a college girls' thong hits the floor at a frat party.
So to sum up, life is too short for dwelling, hit the clubs, libraries, and other places to find mates. Remember, a night of working the sheets and walking home alone is much better than passing out and wetting them....unless you like that kind of porn...then you should charge. Either way, do something with it.
I'm going to google Veronika Zemanova and admire my future ex-wife some, don't bother me for at least two hours, I'll be busy.