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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1966061-Written-in-the-Stars
by CAT
Rated: 13+ · Other · Fanfiction · #1966061
A fanfic of Homestuck. Don't kill me if it's not accurate, I don't actually read it.

Preface:

This book is based on the works of Andrew Hussie, mainly his web-comic Homestuck. While in my mind they bear little resemblance to their web-comic selves, their names are Aradia Megido, Tavros Nitram, Sollux Captor, Karkat Vantas, Nepeta Leijon, Kanaya Maryam, Terezi Pyrope, Vriska Serket, Equius Zahhk, Gamzee Makara, Eridan Ampora, and Feferi Peixes. I also borrowed a few terms, such as, but not limited to, lusus and Alternia and trolls, from his works. Dissimila, his version of the troll's world is only loosely based on theirs.



































Chapter One:

Dissimila



JACK:

As I slowly open my sleepy eyes, my clock blinks its face at me. Two AM. I had fallen asleep at the computer again. I wake up my computer and push my glasses up on my face. An open word document glares angrily back at me. Whoa. I was writing poetry in my sleep again. But this one is different. It is made almost entirely of numbers and symbols. What the hades? I don't think much about it and exit the document without saving. I close the lid and scoot my rolling chair over to the bed. I collapse in a heap on the fully made bed, still in my school clothes. I fall back asleep and forget all about the weird document.

JAY:

It had been a long day. I hate school, but I'm not old enough to get a full time job so I work part time in the coffee shop on the corner, bussing tables. Not that Theresa and I need it. Theresa inherited a small fortune from her parents and her nana doesn't mind us staying at her house. Theresa is the current weirdo at my middle school, so it's not a surprise I'm her only friend. She doesn't mind me hanging around as long as I don't bother her too much. It's a shaky affair at best. I sigh and look up at the stars. I used to believe in astrology and things like the zodiac and magic, but I don't anymore. Life has no magic, no fantastic beasts, no Hogwarts and no happy endings. Ever since my mom and dad died, leaving me nothing, never telling me how much they were struggling until everything fell apart.

I pull myself out of the trance. No. I won't relive the past. There's no point in making myself miserable when it's ten at night and Theresa probably hasn't even made dinner yet. I sigh and open the ornate gate. Walking into the house is like walking back in time. The house is all old and smells like age. On every surface are little ornaments and dust. Old spindly furniture litters the rooms sitting on moth bitten rugs. I walk into the kitchen and find Theresa at the table.

She swears, "I just don't get this math."

"Let me help," I offer.

"Stay the hades away from me," snarls Theresa. She's wearing a long sleeve black t-shirt and black pants. She's washed off her black makeup and her brown hair is sticking up crazily on one side like she fell asleep on the table, which isn't hard to believe.

"Fine," I say, rolling my eyes, "I'm hungry, did you get the groceries?"

Theresa swears again, "Why didn't you do it, Jay? And don't use that sorry excuse of a coffee shop as an excuse. We don't need the money."

"Why didn't you?" I retort. Usually I'm good tempered and nice, but I'm just not in the mood for her tonight. Theresa goes back to her homework grumbling and I head upstairs, a jug of apple juice in hand. I change into my pajamas and flop down on the bed. My stomach grumbles but I don't feel like eating. I curl up into a little ball and fall asleep.

ALEX:

I hate running. Running running running. That's all we ever do in PE. Run and run and run until one of us twists their ankle or gets heat stroke or just curls up on the ground and shakes. And no, I'm not exaggerating. My friend Pin just fell over and wouldn't get up. He might have been faking it, but I don't think so. Pin isn't very athletic, and he really likes horses. Pin's a weird kid at any rate. People couldn't believe it when I went right up to him on his first day and introduced myself. That kinda ruined my image for a bit, but I really don't care, Pin's a nice kid.

"Hey Alex," says Pin, appearing beside me as if conjured by my thoughts. He had straight black hair that fell down around his handsome face.

"Hey Pin," I say, "What's up?"

Pin looks nervously at the ground and I say, "Are you getting picked on again?"

Bullies shouldn't have been a problem for Pin. He was thin, yes, but he was muscular, wiry is the right word. Pin didn't answer, just shook his head.

"Well what is it then?"

"There is a younger kid getting a hard time on the field," Pin says, "You should help him."

"Why should I?" I say, "He needs to fight his own battles."

I turn to walk away, and I feel Pin's hand on my shoulder.

"What would you do if it was me?" he asks.

I sigh. It's just not fair that Pin can do what he does. All he has to do is bat those big brown eyes of his and event my stoniest rage melts like butter. I push out the doors and sulk off to the field.

JACK:

I hate it when this happens. These older kids think they can just order me around as they please. And when it doesn't go how they want, they blame me. I don't think they even have a reason today, they just don't like me. The only comforting thing is they only sent one guy. I don't know if I should be happy there's only one, or upset that they don't think me a threat.

The boy lifts me off the ground where I have been laying after he knocked me down and cocks his fist. I prepare for the worst, but the punch never comes. Instead, I feel myself falling again to the ground. I look up and see the face of a sixteen year old with short blonde hair and blue eyes looking down at me.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yeah," I say.

"I'm Alex," he says.

"Jack," I say.

He moves off and I wonder whether or not to follow when he says, "Come on."

I follow him back into the building and wonder what I should do now. I decide that since it's time to go back to my aunt's house now, I might as well head out.

"Thanks," I say to Alex and we part ways.

That was weird.

THERESA:

It's late again. I'm at home doing my homework and I forgot the groceries again. I sigh and go to the door. Outside is a girl in a white dress. She looks so at home on my porch I don't know what to think. Then she turns and I see her pointed fangs and a single ivory horn. Her eyes are a haunting shade of silver. I feel my mouth go dry.

"Why are you here?" I ask.

"You have been warned. Brace yourself."

I wake with a start. She said the same thing she always does in my dreams. I can't shake the fact she was right. Something bad was about to happen.

ALEX:

I look at my clock. 12 midnight. I should be asleep, but I can't for fear the dreams may get me again. Pin is sleeping at my house and I wonder what he's dreaming about. He's tossing and turning a lot and muttering in his sleep. God, he even sleeps in the thing. Pin was still wearing his hooded sweatshirt, the hood pulled down over his head. Pin suddenly sat bolt upright. There was a box on his lap.

"Whoa," I said, "Where did that come from?"

"Alex," said Pin a look in his eyes like pity, but mixed with something wild, inhuman almost, "Do you know what my real name is?"

"No," I said, I knew Pin couldn't be his real name.

"It's Agripin. Be prepared, Alexander, things are about to change. I can't be your friend anymore. I will find you again someday, I promise."

Pin -no, Agripin- went to the window, the box under his arm, and jumped out the second story window. I ran to the window, expecting this to have been a dream or to find Agripin flat on the ground. But he was gone, vanished into thin air. I went back to the table and sat back. This has been a weird day indeed.

JAY:

I awoke to the sound of gentle tapping on my window. I got up and went to the window and saw there was a box on the sill. There was a note tacked to it. In little handwriting someone had written a cryptic message.

Call the messenger. Spread the contents of this box. The guide will know. The right will choose you.

Well this is weird. I open the box and see it's got four disks in it, just like regular CDs. I reach in at random and find one that feels a little cooler than the others. I pull it out, expecting it to be smoking or something, but it's perfectly fine. I try the next part of the note just for fun.

Hey messenger person. Uh, come? I open my eyes, not really expecting anything to have happened. There was a scratching noise downstairs and I go to the back door. A dappled cocker spaniel looks at me with these big brown eyes. I look at it in bewilderment and hear a voice in my head.

Where are the disks?

I almost jumped out of my skin. Are you the messenger?

I couldn't have been sure, but it looked like the dog rolled its eyes. What do you think?

I think I'm going crazy. I think to myself as I lead the dog back upstairs. It sees the box and scratches at it with one paw. I get the disks and put them in a little CD case I have had for ages. The dog seems eager to go, and woofs at me as I fasten the case to its neck with a piece of yarn.

Why did you come? I ask.

For the Heir of the Universe. It said cryptically and bounced down the stairs and was gone.

JACK:

There was a weird disk on my bed. I was sleep-writing again and was flopping down on my bed when I saw it, just barely avoiding smashing it to bits. It looked like a normal CD and I don't feel like sleeping again. I go back to the computer and insert the disk. For a moment nothing happened as the computer loaded the disk. Then the screen got bigger while my room vanished and dropped off. For a moment I thought I was getting tunnel vision, but then the world went completely black. I felt the world drop away and then I was falling, falling through the black.

ALEX:

It's been weird without Agripin. I have become so accustomed to having him beside me; I don't know what to do. Then this weird disk showed up in my room, and I don't know what it is or what it does. It's a Saturday and I decide to try the disk. I put it into my computer and watch the ancient thing load. Then I feel myself being sucked in. I try to fight it, but I can't. The world drops away, and then finds itself again. I open my eyes and see waving stalks of grass against a blue sky. I sit up and see a few houses a little ways off. I start off for them, not sure what's going on, but thinking if I can only get there, things will be right again. I get to the nearest and don't really know what to do. Should I knock? I didn't have to decide after all because a girl came out of the house behind me.

"Welcome," she says. She has ankle-length black hair and golden eyes. But the weirdest thing was; she had horns. They looked like the sides of a lyre, "We've been expecting you."

"Who are you?" I ask her.

"My name is Lira," she said.

"Where am I?" I ask her. She looks so calm it's aggravating.

"The Land of the Sky," she says.

"That makes absolutely no sense," I say, about ready to break that calm face, "Where on earth is that?"

"Not on earth," she says, "Dissimila."

"Okay," I say, "I'm not even going to ask."

"Lira," said a male voice from behind them, "Is that him?"

"Yes, Krani," said Lira, looking behind him.

"It's about time," said Krani, still behind Alex who turned to look at him, "Vola and the others in the Land of the Sea got their guy ages ago."

Krani had long legs and arms and short black hair. His eyes were a light grey color and he had one horn like a curvy S. The other was snapped clean off. He came down the front steps and I saw he had wings. Well, he had one wing. He also only had one hand. Of his two eyes, only one seemed to move. The other was whiter and didn't move at all.

"What happened to you?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"There was a freak accident," said Krani. He indicated himself with sweeping gestures, "Emphasis on freak."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Krani," said Lira. I looked back and forth between the two grey-skinned beings. Their expressions were human; a girl trying to comfort a boy. Then Krani saw me looking at him and glared. I look away quickly and wonder what is to become of me. This is not earth and there is no going back.

JACK:

I open my eyes and find I am in a kitchen on the table. I wonder where I am, and remember the dream. A person-like thing leaning over me with grey skin, blank, pupil-less eyes, and little stubby horns ending in little knobs like a giraffe sticking out of her black hair. I sit up and see I'm in no house I've ever seen before. A girl walks in. She's the same girl I saw leaning over me in my dream. A little giraffe no taller than she walks beside her. It looks like a hologram, all shimmery and transparent.

"You're awake," she says, and I see again those eyes. They are white. Just pure white. She wears a light jacket open at the front, covering her brown t-shirt almost completely.

"Who are you?" I squeak in a bit of a panic.

"Gia," said an emotionless voice, "You're scaring our guest."

I look around and see a huge figure with glasses. He is tall and thin, with shoulder-length black hair and a black shirt with the symbol of Camelopardalis (Chapter_One_html_7c9ee58.png) on the front. He too had the giraffe horns, which made sense since he was wearing the symbol for the giraffe constellation, but his eyes were a deep tangerine. His irises, though, were yellow.

"Who are you?" I repeat more forcefully.

"My name is Sarang."

"What are you?"

"I'm Gia," said the girl, "And I'm dead."

"Gia," said Sarang, seeing my horror-struck face, "Give him some air. We're trolls. And you're in Dissimila, the Land of the Sea. Because Eridanus and Volans are here and it is close to the coast. Do not be alarmed."

"Don't be alarmed?" I repeated, slightly panicked, "Don't be alarmed?"

"What is your name?" asked Gia.

"I'm Jack," I said.

"Call Ria and Vola," said Sarang, "They will want to know."

"I'll explain to the human," said Gia. This can't be good. I think.

JAY:

Theresa disappeared today. She just up and vanished. I looked into her room and saw her computer was on. I opened the disk drive and saw one of the blue-silver disks that I had given to the spaniel. Ice filled my stomach. Theresa could be annoying and immature and cold, but Jay didn't like thinking she was responsible for her disappearance. And surely the police wouldn't like it either. I go outside and sit on the steps. A brown and white dog comes up to me. It's the spaniel from a few days ago.

Hey, Speckle.

My name isn't Speckle.

Well what is it?

The dog cocks her head as if thinking. Lizzie.

I scratch Lizzie behind her ears. She leans into me and we sit there and watch the clouds roll by. I'm waiting until Theresa's grandma gets back. I don't know why, I just am. A boy walks up to me. He has long black hair and chocolate brown eyes.

"Are you Jay Sanders?" he asks.

"Yes," I say, "Is there news of Theresa?"

"Come with me, I'm Agripin," he says. I don't even wonder who he is. The only thing I can think is he must have found something out about Theresa. I didn't do something terrible to her after all. I go over to him and he grabs my arm. He is taller than me, I realize, but thin and a hood covers his head. Lizzie comes over and leans into my leg.

"Um," he begins, "Interdimensional travel makes some people sick. Just, just hang tight, okay?"

I don't have time to process this before the world starts to spin. It feels like I'm being squeezed into a tube and stretched tight at the same time. Then I open my tight closed eyes and see I'm in a village square. There are little quarters, like one story houses. Agripin runs forward towards another boy reading on the edge of the square. Upon seeing Agripin, the boy stood up and set the book on the ground. He had short, messy black hair and was very tall to me, not so much to Agripin, but a good seven feet in all. His skin was a pale grey color and he had little devil horns. Agripin embraced the boy and stretched up to his mouth. Their lips met and they seemed to melt into each other. It was weird to me when a girl and a boy would kiss at my school, but to see it between this grey-skinned male and the human boy was... unnatural to say the least. And I know that's bias, but it's how I felt at the time. They broke apart and the taller male took his thumb and wiped some pale makeup off Agripin's face. Under the pale coloring, Agripin was the same as the horned boy. In fact, Agripin's hood had fallen down and sticking out of his black hair were twin horns that looked like horse ears. Agripin gently touched the boy's face and he leaned into his hand. Then the taller male began to make a deep rumbling sound deep in his chest. He was purring. Like a cat. What the heck is going on?

"Xuitacuddle," said a voice, barely hiding laugh, "Is Agripin back?"

The two beings turned to see a girl with a single unicorn's horn sticking out of her head, the same grey skin, the same short hair. They obviously are the same race of beings.

"Yes, Biancha," said the tall male named Xuitacoatl, moving away from Agripin slightly, "And he brought the last one with him. She didn't seem likely to use the disk."

Biancha's eyes were a bright silver color, except for the whites, which were yellow. She rolled them now, "I knew that. I'm the one giving you information from their dreams."

"Why so edgy, Biancha?" asked Xuitacoatl.

"Because they aren't doing as well as everyone hoped," she turned her attention to me, "And we are neglecting the most important piece at this moment."

"Me?" I asked, bewildered.

"You are the controller. You know what the others must do. I can tell them. You control the game," said Biancha.

"We're in a game?"

"Yes," said Agripin, "Dissimila. You each must complete a level alone and then you will join the others."

"Is Theresa James among these, others?" I ask.

"Yes," said Agripin, "As well as Jackson Markus and Alexander Martens."

I suddenly felt faint. I knew what we had to do. Though I didn't understand, "We each need to kill our Zodiac. Whatever that means."

"What sign are you?" asked Agripin.

"Sagittarius," I said.

"We need Nessie for this," said another voice. It was a jet black horse with cloven hooves and a golden horn. No way.

"Jay," said Biancha, "This is Simona. Her name means the one who hears in her language. She's my Alo."

"Okay then," I say, "Like an extension of your soul?"

"Yeah, I didn't know you speak Dissimilian," said Biancha.

"I don't," I said, "I don't know how I know, I just do."

"If I may," said Simona.

"Continue, Simona," said Biancha.

"We need to find the great Centaur in the Forest of Thyme," said Simona.

"Time?" I asked, "As in tick tock?"

"No," said Agripin, "The Forest of Thyme, like the spice."

"Let's go now," said Agripin.

"Won't your parents worry?" I ask.

"Yeah," said Xuitacoatl, "My lusus, that's a parent figure, I guess, might worry. He has a hard time letting me out of his sight."

As if on cue, a man stepped out of the house that Xuitacoatl had been sitting by. He had a green comb like an iguana and green scales on his head. He looked worried.

"Xuitacoatl!" he yelled. Oh dear...

THERESA:

It's dark. I don't like the dark. Then I open my eyes and feel foolish. It's only night time. I don't see any constellations I recognize up in the sky and there are two moons.

"It's a nice night," says a voice from behind me, "Isn't it?"

I spin around and see a girl with curly black hair, just barely taller than me. She had straight spiked horns and fangs. In the light of the moon, her skin looked light grey. It was hard to tell, but her eyes looked bright red. She was wearing a black shirt with the symbol of Cetus, Chapter_One_html_737c7f9f.png, was printed on her shirt in the same bright red as her eyes.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"We don't have much time. My name is Nessie. I need you to tell me your horoscope sign."

"I'm a Cancerian," I said.

"Come with me," Nessie said and turned away. I decided to follow. We soon came upon another grey-skinned being. She was standing on a rock wearing a pair of those fingerless gloves and I could see a bow and quiver on her back. She had spiky black hair and a similar black t-shirt with the symbol of Sagitta, Chapter_One_html_m7a3db93e.png.

"Nessie," she said, "Is that the girl?"

"Yes, Arra," said Nessie, "And she's a Cancer."

Arra swore, "This won't be easy."

"Is there any word from Biancha?" asked Nessie.

"Yes," said Arra, "The controller got it wrong. We need to summon the Alternians. That is, after we get the Zodiac keys from the brak guardians."

Theresa looked at Nessie and then at Arra. Arra looked grim, Nessie thunderstruck. This can't be good.

JACK:

I've started out on this long journey. I have met a girl named Ria and another named Vola. Vola has shoulder length hair and Ria's goes down to the middle of her back. Vola has larger ear fins than Ria, but everyone's hair is black and their skin is grey. Their whites are yellow and each has a different colored iris. Ria's are dark blue, Vola's dark purple and Sarang's a tangerine color.

"Do you know the plan?" asked Vola for about the fiftieth time.

"Yeah," I say, "I run in and kill the Capricorn sea got thing and then we summon some other dimensional people. Easy."

"Yes," said Sarang, "I forgot to ask what your weapon of choice is."

"Uhhh," I said, "I've never used a weapon in my life."

"How are you still alive again?" asked Ria.

"We don't need to know how to kill things to survive on my planet," I said defensively.

"Don't worry," said Vola, "You only need to kill it, it really doesn't matter if it kills you."

"Cut it out," said Ria, "You talk too much. Funny, I would have thought you'd be a better listener with those huge ear fins of yours."

Vola started to cry, little purple tracks tracing their way down her face. I didn't know what to do, so I went over to her.

"I think you look beautiful," I said. Vola wiped her face and smiled at me.

"Thanks."

We kept moving.

JAY:

Xuitacoatl's lusus, their word for parent, eventually let us go on. Agripin's lusus, Wind-Rider, was less willing. She fussed and Agripin blushed and Biancha giggled and Xuitacoatl talked to his lusus, Fork-Tongue. Here we are, in the Forest, looking for a giant centaur.

"He's here," whispered Biancha, stopping suddenly.

Just then, I heard the pounding of hooves. Out of the trees crashed a giant horse. It had the torso of a woman grafted seamlessly to the chest and hooves of a horse. Its eyes were black and empty as a tunnel. Biancha yelled and drew a long sword and tossed me one. Xuitacoatl produced a cube which he blew on. It grew into a staff that had a snake's head at one end. Agripin charged first with a mace. It looked too big for him to lift, but he managed it. I charged too, swinging my sword.

I was clumsy and uncoordinated in battle. I fell screaming and tried to roll away as I found myself under the beast. Agripin saved me. He pushed me away and fell under it instead. Its hooves crunched down on his leg. Agripin gasped and its dark eyes flashed. I thought it was the end, but Biancha jumped in and drove her sword into its shawl. It let out a noise like a dying cat and fell to the ground. Deep red blood poured over all of us. The centaur disintegrated, leaving a single hoof. It had the arrow-like symbol of Sagittarius carved into it and the cracks filled with deep blue pigment. I realized I had changed. I was aware of a crisp air to everything, and I could see little pulses of light all over the place. Where anything was alive, I realized.

"Xuitacoatl!" yelled Biancha. I pocketed the souvenir and went to Biancha with Xuitacoatl.

Agripin's leg was covered in dark brown blood. The bones stuck out in weird places. He looked pale.

"Xuitacoatl," I said, remembering what he said on the trip, "You're a healer. You need to help him."

"I am," said Xuitacoatl. He looked queasy. He lifted his hand over Agripin and I saw it was shaking. A shimmering bit of dark green light threaded its way from Xuitacoatl's hand to Agripin's leg. The wound disappeared in moments. Xuitacoatl looked faint. Agripin stood up and supported the son of Hydrus.

"Are you alright?" asked Agripin.

Xuitacoatl smiled weakly, "I think I should be asking you that."

"We need to keep moving," said Biancha, "I have alerted the others and we will meet them at the Tree of Trees."

We set off, Agripin and Xuitacoatl holding hands, I noticed. After about an hour the blood all over me had dried and I felt decidedly disgruntled. Then we got to the biggest freaking tree I've ever seen. It looked like the kind of tree that one would need an oxygen tank to survive a climb to the top. The trunk itself looked more than twenty feet around. We sat down at the foot and rested. Xuitacoatl fell asleep slumped against Agripin. Then I saw a boy emerging from the trees opposite. He too was covered in blood and he was holding a goat's horn.

"Biancha," said the male traveling with them. He was enormously tall and yet very thin for his height. He had horns like a giraffe.

"Sarang," said Biancha.

The other three introduced themselves as Vola, Ria and Jack. Jack was human. Soon we met another boy named Alex and his three troll companions, Krani, Lira and a male named Leyo. Leyo had horns like the kind of long-handled scythe the grim reaper uses. He was taller than me, but shorter than the others.

Then Theresa stepped in. I ran up and hugged her, not caring I was covered in drying blood and she hated hugs. Surprisingly, she hugged me back. She introduced me to her three companions, Nessie, Drago and Arra.

I wanted to tell her everything, but there wasn't time. Biancha had been drawing a pentagram with Sarang and now she beckoned us forward and told us to set our trophies inside the middle of the pentagram. After Alex had set down his pot shard, me my hoof, Theresa her crab claw and Jack his goat horn, we stepped back. Lira and Biancha paced around the pentagram chanting. There was a multicolored blaze of light, all blue and dark purple and lilac and red and pink and dark red. Then it was gone. Four male trolls were standing, astonished, in the scorched patch of earth, barren of grass and pentagram. The first to step forward had horns like an S and white paint on his face. It covered his whole face except for the eye sockets and mouth. It was arranged around his mouth in a permanent smile. He also wore polka-dotted pants and a black Capricorn stamped shirt. His hair made me think he had never seen a hairbrush in his life.

"Where are we?" he asked, his purple eyes a little dull.

"Dissimila," said Sarang, "Why are there only four of you?"

"Because you only used four talismans," said another of the other males. He was tall and had a prominent widow's peak. He wore cracked glasses and his speech was slightly impaired because he was missing a few teeth. He wore a sleeveless shirt with the symbol of Sagittarius and beige shorts over pinstriped thigh socks and he also had cleats. One horn resembled an arrow, the other was snapped off. There was a lot to take in about these strangers.

"What are your names?" asked Lira.

"I'm Gamzee Makara," said the male with the glazed stare and polka-dotted pants.

"Equius Zahhk," said the male with long straight hair and the snapped horn.

"Karkat Vantas," said a male with tiny horns that looked like Xuitacoatl's but rounded at the ends. He wore a long sleeve t-shirt and grey pants. He had bright red irises like Nessie, but he seemed a lot grumpier. He was a lot shorter than Equius.

"Eridan Ampora," said the last male. He had glasses and a few golden rings. He also wore a purple cape and blue pinstriped pants and a blue-striped scarf. His horns looked like lightning and he had ear fins. He also had a shock of purple dyed hair in the front.

"Equius, Eridan, Gamzee," said Leyo, "And I'm sorry what was your name?"

"Karkat," he grumbled and swore a bit.

"There was no need for that," said Vola, sounding a little defensive. Uh oh.

"Why the nuts not?" then Karkat swore some more, "What the kale chips do you mean?"

"Don't mind Karkat," said Gamzee in his strange, deep, gravelly voice, "He has an, uh more vulgar habit of swearing when he doesn't need to."

"Shut the pickles up, Gamzee," said Karkat.

"Everyone," said Eridan, "SHUT UP."

"No barking way, Ampora," said Karkat.

Just then every one of the new trolls fell over. Behind them was Ria, looking relieved. Seeing their stupefied expressions she resumed looking haughty.

"Well someone needed to shut them up," she said.

"Are they going to be alright?" asked Arra.

"They'll wake up with a little rib ache," said Ria with a devious smile, "But they should be fine. The rib-jab is the magic touch."

Karkat opened his eyes, "What the kale chips did you do, woman?"

"I gave us about thirty seconds of quiet," said Ria, "And I have a head ache."

"What about us?" I asked.

"You four have leveled up, I guess," said Biancha, "Let's go the main hives. We can stay there and tell the lusuii where we are. They can find us easy enough after that."

"That's great!" said Nessie, "Scales and I were getting tired of waiting out in the country."

And so that is how I, my best friend, two boys I've never met, twelve Dissimila trolls, four Alternian trolls, and a cocker spaniel ended up heading for something called the main hives. This week had been bizarre.

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