Arbroath Smokie, and other short shorts.

Arbroath Smokie. (A type of smoked haddock).

Arbroath Smokie, golden brown, sits waiting on my plate.
Both the aroma and the sight make this a Scottish great.
Split and grilled with local butter then remove the bone.
If you want an Arbroath Smokie, go and get your own.


Lady Godiva.

Lady Godiva rode about, on her old grey mare,
Wearing nothing but a smile and flowing golden hair.
I don't know why she did it; I haven't read the book.
But if she rode through my home town I'd surely take a look.


Bus Driver.

What drives the old bus driver who's diverting through our town?
Knocking branches off the trees and bringing phone lines down.
Never known a double decker come this way before.
The reason why they never do, he'll soon find out for sure.

Tries to make up his lost time by hurtling round the bend.
Panics as he sees the railway low bridge at the end.
Jams on all the anchors and comes skidding to a stop
Driving fear through all the people sitting up on top.


Cockney Grub.

Pie and Mash, Pie and Mash
Lovely way to spend your cash
Double up with two and two
Add some tasty liquor too.

Pie and Mash, Pie and Mash
Lovely way to spend your cash
If you're hungry this will do
To fill your belly up for you.


Spider In The Bath.

Spider in the bath, spider in the bath
Some people give a shriek, others give a laugh
Some pull its legs off, some squish it flat
But I seem to think that I'm a better man than that.

Get it in a glass and drop it in the yard
Didn't take me long and wasn't very hard
Imagine that he's thinking, "Gee thanks a bunch."
A robin swoops down from a tree and has him for his lunch.

MALLARD

Mallard passing late at night.
Signal showing, bright green light.
Fire doors open, orange glare.
Beam of light into the air.
Engine pounding, trembling ground.
Powerful, pleasant, rhythmic sound.
Sleepers, mail vans, follow on.
Distant whistle, Mallard’s gone.

"Mallard"  World speed record holder for a steam locomotive.  126mph

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