being outside all influence
| I'm almost 60, and I look in the mirror and feel surprised by the wrinkles, the post menopausal shaded skin and spots.
But I always felt surprised when I looked in the mirror. I was white skinned, when I didn't feel white at all. I was female, when I didn't feel gender at all.
What I felt was that I was one of all. Granted I was bound into an individual form, but I felt like a blind person must feel, without anyone to explain skin, eye or hair color, or any possible visual or cultural, or religious separation of one human from another.
Now, I'm surprised by the wrinkles, and I never identified myself with years in seeming existence either. In the morning, I feel 80. By ten I feel 38. When I'm disappointed I feel 3. When something great happens I'm 10. When I help someone I'm 40. And when it's time for sleep, tired from the day's presentations, I feel 80 again.
So wrinkles are as scandalous to me as the blue eyes I looked back at when I've ever looked into a mirror. And I shuttle emotional ages in any give day because all of us do that.
We have bodies and cultures and ages, but we are the thing that has them.
The blind know what we are too dazzled to see.