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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/1977874
Rated: E · Poetry · Supernatural · #1977874
Prophesy that concerns ancient Vamparisi
This item will appear in "Invalid Item as a prophesy that concerns ancient Vamparisi. Even Morgan (the reincarnated ancient inside the protagonist Alexei's mind) has never heard of it.

Ancients normally take over the host. Morgan, the ancient, learns to respect Alexei, and they become friends. They make a deal to share control of his body, depending upon the situation.

Here is an excerpt from Chapter 11. I have highlighted the half-rhyming prophesy I would like to expand into a workable poem.

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“He let you live? Every ancient we have ever studied took over the host body and shunted the original mind into the back once he took over, never to be heard from again.”
“Of course. He likes that I can think for myself. We share my body, which is strange to me… but we’re learning how to manage.”
“That is unheard of. How can we be sure he’s not in control and just reading your old memories to make us believe he let you live?”
“You’ll have to trust me — and him. I have no reason to lie to you. You might think he does… but why would he even suggest such a thing unless it’s happening.”
“Prophesy.”
“What? You’re going to have to explain that.”
Alexei: What is this prophesy, Morgan?
Morgan: It’s the first I’ve heard of it.


When the ancient returns and the red-eyes burn, two become one,” said the monk.
Follow or not, the spirit has brought,” added another monk.
Wrath upon your time,” said yet another.

Alexei furrowed his brow, “That sounds pretty normal. Perhaps morbid, but normal — at least from my perspective.”

“There is more. When the red-eyes burn and two remain two, follow them on,” said the first monk.
Ancient fulfills prophesy brought,” said the second.
New life upon your age,” said the third.

“Now that’s just freaky,” said Alexei. “You think I’m fulfilling prophesy somehow? I’m not even fifteen yet.”
Morgan: I have heard this before. It has been translated from an old tongue where it actually rhymed. We thought it was marriage or something between two ancients, which might have happened, but did not always occur. We never figured out what two remain two referred to.
Alexei: When host and ancient share the same body — two remain two.
Morgan: Whoa. I think you’re right.

“Morgan seems to think that the original wording rhymed better, but the language is old. He thought it referred to marriage of some sort — two become one. He never figured out what two remain two could have meant. He thinks that I’m correct. When host and ancient share the same body, neither one in complete control, then two remain two.”
“We will follow you,” said one of the monks after a short pause.
“Yeah, that’s what I’m here for. We asked for twenty volunteers this afternoon, including your Abbott, who will be one of my lieutenants.”
“No, that’s not what I mean. I mean we as in all of us. We will follow you.”
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Here is an email I wrote to someone concerning my request (name withheld):

If you haven't found a poet yet - give me a call and tell me what you're offering and what exactly you need.


My novel, "Invalid Item is a supernatural story, love story, and a 'growing up and finding the world isn't such a nice place' story. I am not nearly finished with it. Part of my problem is that I am new -- I just started writing last July -- and part is because I love the sound of my own words. I have a hard time deciding which parts are too bloated, too descriptive, and which are really necessary to tell the story and keep it moving.

I don't have a poet's grace. I would like to develop it, but having tried for years to write words to go with the music I created, I gave up. Eventually, I gave up the music, as well... but that is another tale.

My current creation is not a piece of music, but the novel I mentioned above, and there is one point where I want to insert a prophesy, and thought it might have more impact if it rhymed or had some meter to it, at least superficially. Let me paint you a picture:

My Vamparisi are living, breathing humans who have been infected with a parasite. They don't die, become undead, or whatever. They continue living as they always have, except that they now need to subsist on blood instead of food. There are thousands of them, perhaps tens of thousands throughout the world, and because they are still human, it is hard to tell them apart from a normal human as long as they hide their eyes, their body temperature, their strength, and of course, their diet.

A few have enhanced memories, perhaps genetic memories passed to them via the parasite. Some even have helper consciousnesses inside them that allow them to be smarter still. Very rarely, perhaps one in a million, there are those who have reincarnated personalities that can speak to the host and will eventually take over, pushing the host's original consciousness to the back of the brain, powerless to do anything about it.

These last are known as ancients, and there are twelve of them -- or were twelve, at least initially. They do not always show up at predictable times, nor are they necessarily awake (in a living host) at the same point in time that other ancients are. They might live their entire lives without running into another ancient. Ancients are the only ones with blood-red eyes.

Obviously, for story purposes, there are good ones and evil ones, and they all show some degree of sibling rivalry, as they were all created by the same master at some point in the past. My protagonist is a fourteen-year-old boy who gets infected with these parasites, and ends up with an ancient personality inside his head. However, they make an agreement that allows them to share his mind and body rather than the typical practice of the ancient taking control and keeping it. He is essentially the fulfillment of the prophesy, even though neither of them know it at first.

The prophesy, explained a little bit in "Vamparisi Prophesy is essentially this: When one of the ancients comes to power and DOES NOT relegate the host consciousness to the back of his brain and therefore essentially worthless, the prophesy is fulfilled. I don't know if it's particularly important for the prophesy to state what will happen, or just use wording that would indicate that because of it, some big event will occur.

This is what I came up with so far:

When the ancient returns and the red-eyes burn, two become one.
Follow or not, the spirit has brought
Wrath upon your time.


This first part (two become one) refers to the two personalities of the host and the ancient, and when he takes control, the host is essentially dead. Wrath refers to the ancient's tendency to crave and claim power, usually by violent means.

When the red-eyes burn and two remain two, follow them on.
Ancient fulfills prophesy brought
New life upon your age.


This second part (two remain two) refers to the two personalities of the host and the ancient remaining viable once they mature. Somehow, that triggers the prophesy. What new life means... I have not yet decided.

I would like there to be more than these few lines. Perhaps they are enough... I have no real frame of reference. The Bible (Torah) is full of prophets, and they usually had a lot more to say. I'm not certain what I want, or how to get there.

I asked for a poet because... well, I wanted some help with putting together something that would look and sound like an ancient prophesy, complete with suitable imagery that would make people think about it when they read it. I would like my reader to put together the clues, piece together the evidence, and make the determination of what I meant by it all when things in the fulfillment of prophesy start to happen in the story.

As for what I'm offering... I can easily promise a 50,000 GP reward. And, if it is good enough to make it into the final version of the novel, I would be happy to give proper credit for it.

>jace
neophyte novelist

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