New Beginnings

A year of changes

We never know what life will hand to us, and none of us are prepared for traumatic experiences. Struggles of many kind can hit our lives in such a way; we don't understand. Our son was on life support twice in six months a year ago. Nothing could have prepared me as a mother to watch my son slip away before my eyes. The struggle between hope and grief is a very emotional roller coaster. To be told he wouldn't survive to then to be given hope again, pulls on one's heart strings beyond words.

  Once we finally had him home after six weeks of grieving we were so thrilled. We could not get enough of him. Nobody tells you about the post traumatic mind set that one would encounter after such an experience. These are things that manifest over time. I thought I was being strong for everyone even myself, but on the contrary not so much. I would find myself crying over a loss of my son. Yes he survived but it changed him. Being 20yrs old at the time was hard for him to be dependant on his parents for everything still. He was so angry at the world for his situation. Watching his friends in college and he has not yet finished high school. He has been sick that long. My grief was for what he has to except and my own as a mom.

  Not having answers as to what happened and no promises that it would not happen again played heavy on our minds every day. Struggling with emotions and making sure you are being supportive to his needs is a task in itself.

  This has definetley been a year of changes for our family. We have encountered the possibility of losing our son twice in six months. We have watched a miracle right before our eyes, not once but twice. Finding the health care that my son needed. My son remains to struggled with his independence and regaining he mind set and fear of losing his own life. We have been financially seeking help for him to be able to care for himself.

  As time goes on, we have grown as a family. The importance of a unit is so much more than I had ever thought. Finding strength, courage and insight has been a journey we did not ask for, but none the less we have learned the most valuable lessons in life. I have grieved for over a year now, but find strength to move forward to a promising out come. Never give up the fight. Growth starts from somewhere and mine started with a miracle. You cannot help someone if you need help yourself. It has weighed heavy on the whole family in different aspects. We each have our own way of dealing with it and still do. I needed to find strength for myself and my family at the same time.

Healing is a process and it takes effort. As the year progresses our strategies become stronger. It will never be okay, but we now live in the moment without dwelling on what could happen. With this I practice being positive and inspiring for me and for the people around me. When you are tested, you are never ready. This is a year of changes for my family. We now treasure the up hill climb towards inner peace. We celebrate a year of new hopes and dreams. My son now has hope of having a brighter future with new a diagnoses. We cannot reverse the damage but we can hope to maintain his health.
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