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This file shows how my work is evolving towards completion of the exam.
Layering the components.

As I wrote the outline I was thinking about the components that Teresa had been talking about throughout the class that I needed to emphasize more.

Some of these are:

Scene Setting of story world
Showing Character
Describing the Physicality, using subdued language that gets the idea across.
Describing the emotions the characters feel.
Describing the effect of the senses on the lovers
Building Momentum

Some that I added are:

More backstory
Role Playing
Less Dialog
Continue the Interior Dialog
More exposition

Clearly I had some of this in mind when I wrote the outline. Now I wanted to go back and make sure I included everything

Outline of the Love Scene to be used in the Romantica Final Exam.

The love scene begins when they take a hike in the wilderness and put up their tent. (Story World)

The sky was dark as they climbed into the tent. A storm was brewing and the flashes flickered on the horizon. They unrolled their sleeping bags and unzipped them making two coverlets of soft down.

1. They kiss, warm texture of their lips. (Physicality, feelings, senses)

Charles leaned over, taking Edith by the chin, and kissed her. Her mouth was warm against the wind-chafed texture of his lips. She responded to his embrace, breasts tight against his chest. They swayed back in forth in one another's arms.

2. Edith decides to trust Charles and give him the dominant role. She surrenders and becomes more passive. (Backstory, Exposition, trust)

“Storm’s coming,” he said. He felt her tremble and wondered if it was the cold or something else. He sniffed the moist air and it carried the first scent of Spring This day will be one we won’t soon forget.

“When I was little I used to hide under the bed.” Edith said. Whenever a storm came that’s where I’d go straight for my burrow.

“I won’t ever let anything bad ever happen to you,”

From far off lightening flickered on the horizon followed by a distant rumble.

From the beginning I've struggled with Edith to earn her trust. Somehow today its been different. Maybe its because she’s out of her element in a world where men traditionally take the lead. She’s been acting differential and it’s not in keeping with her character. For once I seem to be in the drivers seat.

He reclined her back onto their pallet. It was made of light Thinsulate stuffed with goosefeathers. It made a crinkly sound as he rolled on top. He asserted himself kissing hard. She stiffened and began pushing back with that ever-present tension.

“When are you going to quit fighting me.”

She relaxed bneath him, but only a little. The struggle was far from over.

It’s not you I’m fighting… Don’t you realized that by now.

3. There is more kissing, and words describing their embrace. There is more description of the effects of the kiss and their bodily reactions to one another. (Physicality, emotion (passion) physiological reaction to one another.)

Her cheek quivered and he squeezed it with his lips. Has she ever know what it’s like to be free of fear and worry?

She trembled, snuggling in his embrace, clutching. He kissed her neck.

"Stop," she pleaded, "that tickles. Please don’t torment me…"

"Why not?", he kidded

"Bad memories," she replied bitterly

Don't go there... not yet anyway.

Her eyes got wide as if regretting the words.

"Its OK," he answered, tracing her cheek with his finger . "Today is for you and I want this to be one to remember."

She squinched her face. "It isn't fair for me to put all my problems on your shoulders."

"Let me worry about that." she arched her back, shifting her buttocks. "Give me some of that baggage you're carrying around---, mine are broader than you think."

At that moment the dam began to break. She seemed to let go of some of those demons. Her body shook and he held her tight. Tears began rolling down her cheeks.

"Let me be your rock."

She knit her brow and he saw the struggle in her eyes. He felt like a spectator watching some kind of far off inner debate. Her bottom lip pursed and she set her jaw with determination. In her eyes he saw the back and forth, words being spoken inside her head, and Edith seemed to be answering.

He wanted to kiss her fears away.

She reached down putting her hand on his inseam. It was then that the fireworks began. “Horse” reared up, as if kicking and snorting. A tremor raced down his spine.

4. Edith’s vulnerability is shown, nervous looks, her reaction to Charles touching her breast, the effects of Charles new and insistent role and her surrender of control. (Emotions, nervousness, anxiety, role playing).

Edith pushed back against his embrace, looking vulnerable. His hand went to her breast feeling the cotton fabric of her blouse. She tried to push it away.

“No he said, leave it where it is.

5. Charles emerges as the dominant personality in their lovemaking. Her reaction is described as he unbuttons her blouse. There is reference to heavy breathing and Edith’s heaving bust.(Role Playing, Exposition, physicality, passion wonder, reaction and response to each other. beginning of repetitive breast fixation.)

She obeyed, and watched as he unbuttoned her blouse. Charles spread the garment when he finished, revealing her bra. Her bust heaved up and down. His hands caressed the silky fabric and squeezed the bulges underneath.

6. Edith begins egging Charles on. (Showing Character, humor)

She looked up nervously and responded caressing the hard outline that strained in his breeches.

Making love to you is going to be the easy part.

Then what's the hard part?

Turning loose.

Relax, he said with that soothing voice. This is the here and now. The past is behind us. Can't we just amble along one day at a time?

If I have you walking along side me.

I won't just be beside you,I'll be the wind beneath your wings.

She looked at him with adoring eyes.

Can you trust me to be that person in your life?”

She nodded again.

He inclined her backwards pressing his knee between her thighs. She stiffened, a natural response to his aggressiveness. He was insistent and she softened, weakened by his resolve.

Charles was getting into the mood and what she did next only encouraged him. Taking him by the neck she kissed his mouth with a hungry lingering insistence. Her tongue slipped beneath his beckoning for it to reciprocate.

He responded, answering her call, matching her lead with a will of his own.

7. Scene shifts to a flashback on first date. Edith’s demons are shown in the backstory. Her reluctance rears its head, despite a growing trust in Charles. (Exposition Symbolism, flashback, emotions, trust.)

Edith was not somebody with a whole lot of trust and he was gratified to find that at last she was reaching out to him.

He recalled how he felt when Edith reappeared on their first date. He remembered how his heart almost skipped a beat. He knew he loved her, from the beginning. She seemed bigger than life and at times he cringed thinking that her strong spirit would overwhelm the diminutive flicker of his own and carry it off into the darkness.

8. Storm (Symbolism) The storm was getting closer. the interval between the lightening and thunder was shorter. The flashes were more intense and the thunder rolled down the valley with an ominous rumbling.

Now she was giving him the green light, kissing him with an intensity that left no doubt regarding how she expected things to end.

9. Charles love for Edith is described in his fear that the strength of her spirit will overwhelm his. (Exposition, Interior dialog, imagination, emotion, fear, symbolism spiritual.)

He knew there was a darkness inside her. It was a gaping black hole in the center of her universe that was drawing his spirit

The wind picked up and he felt the flicker as it danced in the wind.

He Remembered thinking he was about to lose her, how he cringed at the thought. The recollection of the desperation, the dread when she wouldn’t return his calls or e-mails. It weighed him down like a heavy chain. He knew his love for her would last a lifetime as he braced himself for one hell of a rollercoaster ride.

10. Charles infatuation with Edith’s breasts… the warm glow they trigger. The reader is shown the depths of his love. ( Exposition, Flashback, repetition, feeling they evoke, interior dialog showing more feelings.)

Later when she caught him staring at her bust, she'd pretended not to notice and stretched posturing her breasts. That was when he felt that warm glow for the first time and knew he would never be able to resist the influence she had over him.

11. Edith takes her egging of Charles to a new level. (Character, strength of passions, momentum humor.)

She complied and he saw the blush on her cheeks. With a sigh she acquiesced yielding to his will. She spread her knees reading his eyes for what his response would be.

She stared up with a vulnerable look. Her bottom lip showed a tremor and then started to quiver. how hard it must be for her to lose control and surrender her power to the hands of another. He pulled them out.

12. Charles experiences a growing passion and struggles to control it.( Character development, feelings and emotions.)

i}What am I signing on for?. His mind drifted back to that night of discover in her apartment. The memory made him cringe. II couldn't control myself, it esd over before it even started He remembered the embarrassed even though she seemed to take little note. Tonight iI need to perfrorm..

13. Intensity builds with more and more kissing. His imagination is working overtime as they make out. (Momentum, imagination)

Her skirt was raised up to her chest now and she was struggling to get rid of her panties. Her bust was heaving as she slipped them over her knees and kicked the encumbering elastic from her ankles.

14. Her excitement is described as Charles fumbles with her underwear, fondles and stokes. Charles further asserts his dominance. Edith passively complies. Charles experiences a new confidence and self esteem.

a tangle of brown curly hairs. His eyes devoured her. He stared down into the doorway to creation. He felt his head swimming.

She twisted groaning, as his hands held her hips holding her hips.

15. More fondling as their passions continue building. The reader is shown their feelings as each experiences a sensory, physical and emotional response. Charles shows his empathy for Edith’s anxiety. (Physicality, feelings, emotions, empathy, anxiety)

Looking up he saw Edith struggling to get her blouse off over her shoulders. Her eyes had a glazed and distant look. She was beautiful. He breathed her in, unable to believe that she was his for the taking.

16. Referring back to lesson 5 showing how Edith mastered his manhood. Charles is embarrassed by the loss of control that followed. His focus now becomes making her joy complete. (Exposition, Flashback, fear, anxiety, embarrassment, Joy)

He remembered the night in her apartment--- their night of discovery. How she climbed on top and tamed the "The Horse.” {

How long had it been since that night. Six months? It didn’t seem to matter all that much anymore. Her brown hair was falling about her shoulders,

17. The reader is shown Edith’s eagerness and Charles infatuation with her beauty. The effect of the progressing lovemaking is related to their senses and the effect the new sensations are having. Her responsiveness to his urgings is demonstrated as their passions grow. The same is shown of the effect on Charles. (Character, physicality, momentum, senses and effects on each other. Exposition, Dialog, Emotions, passion.)

18. There is more discovery and development of Charles fascination with her breasts. The heat of her breath as they kiss almost drives Charles over the edge. He tries to slow down the tempo. Edith rebels. She finds herself more and more carried away by her passions. (Repition, emotion, momentum, effects of senses and emotions)

19. More Storm (Symbolism)

20. They buff it. Edith is beside herself. (Physicality, passion, eagerness)

She tossed the blouse aside and turned her attention to the retainer on her bra. It popped loose and the cups fell off the cleavage.

He reached for the straps and helped pull them over her arms. His heart raced..

Her breasts beckoned.

She was breathing with little pants.

21. Charles poses the question (vow) Edith agrees to marry him. Edith mounts as Charles struggles to hold back. (Lesson prompt, Humor, Dialog, Character, physicality, momentum.)

“I have a question for you.”

“Not now she pleaded, Hurry!

It won't wait.

“Don’t tease me… ?”

“Before we go any further I have a question for you.”

“A question?

There's something we need to discuss.

Can't it wait

“I’m afraid not…. It’s a very important matter.”

“What is it, hurry and tell me, so I can answer it.”

“Will you marry me?”

She sagged for an instant. “Don’t do thisto me she pleaded and tugging the girth towards her.

“Just answer the question.”

She sniffled, “Yes, now can we get on with it?.”

“You aren’t speaking under duress?”

“I’m definitely under that but I promise if only you’ll hurry.”

She threw her leg over and began unbuckling hi belt

Cant' it wait for later

She released the retainer and pulled down his zipper.

You aren't listening to me.

He wanted it as much as she did and it had taken the last drop of resolve to pop the question. Now he was determined that, unlike the last time, he’d show a little more stamina. He loved this woman and wanted her to experience the full joy of their intercourse.

22. Edith manages his endowment and becomes more and more caught up in the lovemaking. More hugs and kisses.(Emotion struggle, passion momentum, senses and their effects)

“Are you going to help or just lay there?” she muttered in exasperation.”

What do you want me to do?

“Get those pants off.”

Her hands were already struggling with his breeches. He rose up and let her pull them free.

Like a tent pole his erection stretched the fabric of his jockey shorts.

Her hands dove for the elastic. “Raise up.” He lifted his hips and she pulled them down about his ankles.

“Are you ready?

“What does it look like?”

She was in bad need and who was he to argue.

Their came a far off flash followed seconds later by a distant rumble.

Hurry she pleaded, before the storm gets here.

He laid back and Margaret scrambled on top. Her body was lathered.

She reached between his legs groping to find it. Her heart was racing as her breasts pressed against his chest.

“Tears ran down her face as she guided it, knees searching and buttocks wiggling for position. He felt the tip find its mark as her search ended. She coaxed it to enter.

As she took him he wondered how long he'd be able to hold out. He tried to think of something distracting like lying on the beach of a South Sea Island. He reached up elbows pushing into the pallet, holding her hips with his hands. She began to lower herself and it started to move with a wet friction. It began to slid filling, stretching and necking its way deeper until at last becoming seated to the outer limits of her clutch.

As it came to length Edith began twisting and turning to see if she could move around. Moist secretions seemed to flow around it and after the initial shock her body began to relax. As it became more pliant Edith began moving with a greater confidence.

Charles kissed her long and tenderly. He knew that it hadn’t been an easy and he felt a deep and abiding tenderness. He felt her becoming more and more at ease. As she moved with increasing confidence her doubts evaporated.

With the kiss he felt the heat radiating off her breath. She smelled of the exertions of their sex and he thrilled to her eagerness. She pushed up and he saw the intensity in her eyes, coaxing him to join in the rhythm of their lovemaking.

23. They are both on the cusp. Charles rolls her over and she experiences a powerful orgasm. Charles continues until he too reaches a climax. (Emotion, passion, momentum),

“Move with me,” she cried out

He began kissing her breasts as he matched the rhythm of her lead, moving his stomach in consonance with hers.

He could feel her delight as they rose and fell with one another like a wild surf surging up the beach and and receding back into the ark waters..

The willpower he tried to exert began began to betray him. He he felt the hunger of his need crying out. Taking her buttocks he rolled Edioth over. Her knees opened as she continued thrusting to the eager rhythm of their lovemaking.

He rose up and she closed her thighs letting him straddle. There was no stopping now. Up and down and in and out the dance went on until at last they could bear it no more. Thrusting deeply he buried himself. She stiffened, arching her back and crying out…

Charles, Charles

Lightning cut the skies overhead lighting inside of the tent.

His knees came up and she spread. He moved between her legs and seated himself.

A loud clap of thunder shook the ground.

She groaned beneath a terrible surge of desire and then sighed, liberated by a the throes of contentment.

The wind howled shaking the tent. Driving rain pelted the canvas and the poles swayed back and forth.

Peaking Edith collapsed beneath his weight. Charles continued to rut in and out of her with a relentless energy . She saw his face etched in the flickering light, flushed with a mindless passion. The storm made the inside of the tent appear surreal and in slow motion she watched as he worked her spent body. The moment seemed an eternity before there came the blare of the distant trumpet and the hounds of desire broke their fetters. Charles hoisted her buttocks and came to his knees. His big cock swelled and the spit of hot seed gushed into her womb.

24. In the aftermath they lay blissfully in each other’s arms. (Winding down story)
It was an awesome experience . He puffed out his chest and looked proudly down at the woman he loved. Edith was lying exhausted with her eyes closed. On her face was a serene look of sheer bliss.

© Copyright 2014 percy goodfellow (trebor at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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