by DARK INK
My first novel I am working on. I would love some feedback! Review and comment = points!
Joshua Dwayne Lynam
(Rough Draft v4)
The year is 2113. War has bleached Earth’s nations in to a new world order. The CDC (Center for Disease Control) had created a bio-active synthesized chemical to keep people happy and motivated. The chemical was manufactured in air-conditioner filters which in return was pumped in buildings, homes, and vehicles. The system was a safety measure to influences non-aggression, mobs, and outbursts from citizens. Made by and synthesized with a dormant strain of the Avian Influenza virus (H5N1) for its ability to spread. A team of scientist at a secret lab funded by a private source used the chemical to design a weapon, a weapon of which became out of control after a medical researcher accidentally pricked himself with a syringe containing the bio hazardous chemical. After many years of dealing with the chemical, mutation occurred and in order to save life its self the human race was forced to colonies throughout the galaxy.
From the first time man has looked up in to the sky he pondered on the question. The question that everyone wanted to know. The question that frightened. The question that was bound to be answered…
The room is uncontrollably filling with smoke as primer colored dunes form in the ashtrays scattered around each table of the bar. This bar is one of the few remaining places you didn’t need an Identification Card. Not that I didn’t have an IDC nor a real IDC, I just didn’t like my presents known by the Allied Planets. While the whiskey-slurred voices blended with the old western style music in the background I take another sip of the dark brown poison in front of me.
Glancing towards the wooden weathered table in front of me I spot two men preparing to play another game of cards while another sits annoyed at the fact that he lost money on the previous game. The annoyed man places another bet as the talkative card players determined whether or not to fold.
Suddenly the clouds of cigarette smoke freeze as if time had stopped dead in its tracks. Everyone in the bar are motionless. The music went silent as well as the sarcasm and gossip that once filled the room. I find myself statured as I attempted to get up. In my peripheral I see the light from outside appeared from where the closed door had been swung open. A shadowy figure abruptly disturbs the bright field of whiteness that once was violently overpowering my eyes. No features or lib's could be formed with the eye as the figure makes its way in to the room. As the dark murky figure intruded closer the temptation to get up from my chair grew.
I became more frightened as the unnatural looking figure made a stand behind the motionless card players. The player’s head across from me rose and made a stare in my direction with his pupil-less retinas. As the phantom looking object stood behind him his eyes became a crimson red and blood started to trail down his cheeks. As the man bleeds the other two turn their heads towards me with haunting eyes. Their mouths dropped open, “Don’t be, afraid…” The room started to become a violently intense shade of dark… “Captain, captain… Captain!” ( NAME 1 ) yelled calmly as she jerked my shoulder violently in an attempt to wake me. Waking up soaked in my own sweat I come to the realization of where I was. “Are you okay sir?” ( NAME 1 ) asked in a concerned tone. Listening to the hum of the ship’s engine, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a bad dream.”
“What’s Cloud 13?” ( NAME 1 ) asked as she was determined to learn more.
I responded confusedly. “That’s what you kept saying you needed to find.” As I regained full consciousness I laid there in my bunk with ( NAME 1 ) kneeling by me trying to make since of Cloud 13. “Just a dream I guess. Let’s not look too much into it.” I responded as I secretly hid the mysterious details of that name. I wasn’t entirely sure as to why my dreams were violently disturbed but one thing is certain, my terrifying nightmares are becoming more frequent.
“Well I do apologize for intruding, you weren’t responding to your com. We have a situation in the engine room.” ( NAME 1 ) said as they both sat in
( NAME 0 ) room.
“Not sure sir, ( NAME 2 ) just asked for you. Said it was important.” ( NAME 1 ) said straightforwardly. Concerned I grabbed my trousers and my rubber-soled shoes and made my way to the brass-trimmed communication panel on the wall over the hidden draws that housed my clothes.
“What’s the damage?”
I voiced into the com. Waiting for a responds I continued to put on my bloodstained trousers. My concern for the ship and crew grew substantially taunting as ( NAME 2 ) voice never answered.
( NAME 2 ) was a sweet childish young girl but the best mechanic I have ever met. Engines just went hand and hand with her. She was only twenty two but at times she could make a fool out of any man when it came to the ins and outs of an electromagnetic Ion thruster. She loved our ship. Knew everything about her. Knew when she needed a filter changed or when she needed a repair just by listening to her hum.
The ship we called the Nebula was remodeled into the home of the five man crew that traveled though the dark emptiness of space. The ship was old but well built. Used as a cargo carrier in the past the Nebula was our way of maintaining our freedom from the Allied Planets.
After the war against the independence that lost, the main core of the galaxy has been over taken and remolded into a one government ruled society. Ever since my retirement from the independence, I have been in search of work to fuel me ship and crew. As I got closer to the engine room I spot ( NAME 2 ) standing awkwardly on top of a crate.
( NAME 2 ) screamed out loud. Making my way in to the room I see a small mouse in the corner.
“This was the important issue?”
I snickered as I keeled down in attempt to grab the small harmless creature. In distrust the mouse hurriedly ran under the gap of the metal floor grate. I stood up and slightly laughed.
“I am so glad you find humor in me being terrified.”
( NAME 2 ) said in embarrassment.