Telling the one you used to love, how to love.
A Letter to an Old Flame
There is no better way to say this as I do not want to intrude in a matter of your upheld privacy, but I have come to believe that the love you have right now, is not what is meant to be. Let me put it this way, you didn't want to be with me, and that's okay by me. I can take loss, I can take defeat, I can take failure but what is most unbearable to me is seeing someone I care about suffer and not being able to do anything about it.
Let me clear up the air firstly, this is not jealousy speaking, this is a voice of reason: a shining light at the end of a tunnel in which you have held yourself captive for too long a time. I have come to tell you that the relationship you're in at this very moment is a horribly wrong one and I'd point you out as to why I have made such devastating accusations. You are a beautiful young woman, a lady of esteemed countenance, a peerless smile, and most of all a sparkling heart that beats for God and love for all of His creations. But I fear you have fallen into the pit that consumes other women of your constitution: a hunger to revive dead souls. You love the project. You love the adventure. You love the thrill that comes with leading that lost sheep back to the flock. You want to save everyone you know. The idea of a human being as a piece of work is spice to your spirit and calcium for your bones. But, you cannot save everyone. Sometimes they abduct you.
Speaking as someone who has gotten front row seats to see misfired love go down the drain, something you're no newcomer to yourself, I must say, your relationship shares a striking similarity to failed marriages I have come to behold in my yet short but eventful life. There appears to be a contrast between you and your current partner that insanely befriends the likes of many a reckless marriage turned messy separation. He is a man of unworthy faith, a person of uneven ideas, a man of unchanged heart and a man of littered thoughts. But you, you're a good girl, a great one more so, a girl with the mind of a woman, a visionary, a lover, a person of pure thoughts and open arms. Dare I say it; you are too good for him. He doesn't deserve you and you don't deserve the way he treats you.
I must confess, I have never seen you two behind closed doors, but even in front of open doors, you're not the most exceptional pair. If you both were in a group of just 3, I wouldn't pick you two to be the most likely item. There is a certain inequity about you guys, it's almost as if you're faking it for everyone else to see. There is a look that comes on your face when you speak to him and it doesn't scream love-struck. There is a particular ere of unlikely-hood hidden between you two; it's like you know you're incompatible but you're trying so hard to make it look otherwise. The way you respond when he talks, the way you unknowingly cringe at the mention of his name. I must say, I am not the best analyst of relationships and I do not know you two together, as a couple, well enough to understand if it's just the outside pressure strangling your guts, or it's the cloud of unsettled differences that makes you remind me of my parents. But I must say, your relationship is a tad outlandish.
I can see why you took him on in the first place. He has nice words, great outlook, moderately good physique, but that's not it. You were more like him then. You hadn't gotten your priorities straight, you hadn't known God the way you know him now, you didn't have such a well reformed worldview as you do right now. And as you have seemed to grow, he has seemed to be static, and thus began your next journey in your relationship; saving him. Making him see the light you have come to know and love, making him understand the things you both thought were unimportant but you have discovered to be paramount, bringing your boyfriend to church, making him more than just a boyfriend but a man, your man. He hasn't budged. He may not. But until then, you are going to keep trying, going to keep working things out. Plus he buys you earrings and expensive perfumes, and you like those. But, not to sound condescending, that's not love. Not the kind I know to be real and true.
I consider true love to be a very simple process. There is no trying in real love, well, really, there is, but not the outstandingly conscious type. True love is about being there for the person you care about most and them being there for you too. No one wants to be alone, that's why love makes it a team game. It's you and your lover against the world. No one is trying to save the other; no one is trying to be acceptable to the other. It's just 2 people doing their own thing and it working out for both of them. It's not just about supporting the other person, but complementing them. Real love isn't a relationship "you can't seem to get out of" it's a relationship you can't imagine being out of. It's when it's not just about you alone, but it's about you two as one.
I believe you can still find that in the relationship you currently inhabit, only if you can be honest with each other about how you really feel and where you both want to be as individuals and then comparing it to where you both stand as a couple. There comes a time in one's life where he must look to those around him and ask them if they can see something that he can't see on his own. It is at this point that friends like me come in and give you a piece of their mind, not relenting in any possible way. I am indeed your friend and I made it clear I wasn't walking away after our debacle (which I now realize was a stupid mistake). Please don't take this the wrong way. I may be wrong with what I have said here today, but if I am, it is only because of what I have wrongly perceived. I do not want you to suffer any kind of pain, and I most definitely don't want you to end up as some people who have gone down your road have. That's why I have resorted to telling you this.
I care about you. Really. That's not something I like saying, but I'd say it to you anyways, because it's true.