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Rated: E · Other · Comedy · #1996625
I've gone into business twice before and things did not work out. Got it right this time!
It has always been my dream to have a business of my own. All the people I graduated from college with have one, and I feel left behind. Finally, I get off my rear and get moving. I realize if I want to sell something, I need to offer an item or service that is needed. So I sit down and do research. I spend a week going thru ledgers and sales journals, hoping to find the perfect item. I am getting desperate when like being struck by lightning, I find the perfect business. I open a steak house.

Now yes, I realize there are lots of steak houses, but what sets mine apart is I open one where there is no competition. I will have the entire market to myself. Not only will I not have any competition, I see to it my steaks are the best to be had. Prime cuts, meat so tender you can cut it with a fork, and seasoned to perfection.

So, the time of the grand opening approaches. I buy ads in all the local papers, and get spots on the local radio and television stations.

On the day of the grand opening, I arrive early and make sure everything is as it needs to be.

Then, at high noon, I open the doors and step back, wanting to avoid being stampeded by the crowd of steak-starved customers.

I stand and wait, and nothing happens. Puzzled, I look out the door. There is a crowd alright, but they are holding signs and banners condemning me. Off in the distance I see them burning a figure of me in effigy.

I start to go to them to see what the problem is, but the instant they see me, they start to throw rocks. I hightail it out of there. Let me tell you, New Delhi, India is not a place to do business.

Okay, that dream is shot down, but I do not give up that easy. Again I research and again I find an item that is needed. I will open a shoe store.

Common? Yes. But if that is what the customers need, that is what I will supply.

Now it takes awhile to find this place. It is not shown on maps. But after much trial and effort, I get to my destination.

I set up shop and soon open my doors for business.

Again, no one rushes in. It does not make sense. I walk out to see what is going on. At least this time there are no images of me burning and no one tosses a stone my way.

I look at all the people, and all of them are barefoot. All of them need shoes.

They stare at me like I have two heads.

For weeks I wait, and not a single customer walks in.

At last, I have to leave to find money just to buy food.

I will never try and do business in The Shire again.

Well, that does it for me. This time I am getting ready to open a business, and this time I have learned my lesson. I am opening shop here in the good old US of A.

More research, and once again I locate an area where I will not have competition. I contact the franchise and pay them an unbelievably high amount of money, but it is worth it. Now I realize I am plugging myself here, but that is the American way. I invite all of you to come and see the latest Starbucks. I open up next week at Brigham Young University. Soon the $$$$ will be rolling in.

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