A different version of the bakery skit with the roles reversed.
|It was a relaxed Sunday afternoon, and the Circus Maximus was nearly finished their performances for the week. There was just one more skit to put on... Candy's Bakery Extravaganza! As the previous act left the ring, Candy herself came rushing on the stage in a frantic hurry, her floppy baker's hat bouncing just above her ridiculously painted face. Behind her several stagehands quickly wheeled out and assembled her set as she came forward to address the crowd.
"Hi everyone, my names Candy, and I have a liiiiiiiitle bit of a problem. You see, my partner twisted her ankle tonight and is unable to perform. So, I was wondering if there was anyone out there in the crowd that could help me bake a cake!" she said, scanning the audience. Everyone was avoiding eye contact; making a cake with a clown sounded like risky business! That is, until a tiny wisp of a woman was lifted up above the rest of the crowd by her friends. She was petite, and her short hair was a dark myriad of colours, but her most striking feature was the bright red blush that had spread all across her face and the skin visible above her tank top. Apparently she was a bit embarrassed to be nominated by her friends. In the midst of her protest, she accidentally caught the eye of Candy, who gave her a huge grin. Looks like she had found her volunteer! "You there, Rainbow-Brite. You don't look like you're very good in the kitchen, how about I give you some pointers. C'mon, whaddya say? It'll help you out with the fellas, I promise!"
The crowd cheered for the tiny woman and laughed at the clowns waggling eyebrows and suggestive statements. Pushed forward by her friends, the woman sheepishly said, "Ummm... okay, I guess I can try to help you out."
"Great!" said the clown as the blushing woman was ushered through the crowd towards the ring. When she arrived, Candy shook her hand in an exaggerated fashion and asked her, "So, what's your name, Beanpole?"
The girls wide eyes narrowed slightly, and she responded with a bit of an edge in her voice, "Watch it, clown. You're not going to make a fool out of me. Be sure you remember which one of us is the clown here!"
The clown leaned forward and beeped the end of the woman's nose, who squeaked and backed up. "Relax, Girlie! You're a bit high-strung, I think. If you don't tell me your name, I'll just think up something to call you."
Rubbing the end of her nose, the girl grumbled, "My friends all call me Jen, I guess you can call me that."
"Nope, too late! I've already decided since you look so pixie-ish that I'm calling you Pixie. Nice to meetcha, Pixie!" grinned the clown.
"Wait..but..I...," stuttered the woman formerly known as Jen, but she was cut off as the clown, who was still tightly clasping her hand from the earlier handshake, yanked her forward towards the previously assembled "bakery." It really wasn't much of a bakery, just a table, an overly-large mixing bowl, a prop oven, and a tall shelf with a ladder leaning against it. On the shelf was a bucket of water, two heaping cream pies and way up top was a large bag that was labeled "cake mix." "Pixie" was eyeing the pies warily as they approached; she knew the reputation that clowns had with pies, and she was determined to try to maintain her dignity in the face of this colourful prankster.
Luckily for her the clown seemed to have no interest in the pies, as she walked right past them to the ladder. "First things first! In order to make a cake, we need cake mix. Your first job as my assistant is to hold this ladder while I grab the mix. Okay, Pix?" Pixie just rolled her eyes and got in to position by the ladder as Candy nimbly climbed the ladder. Once she got to the top she grabbed the overfilled bag of cake mix and, with a wink to the crowd, tossed it roughly on to her shoulder. This caused a large amount of the powdery cake mix to spill out of the bag and straight into Pixie's face and colourful hair below. When it hit her, she was momentarily obscured from the crowd by a big puff of smoke, but that didn't stop them from laughing at her misfortune. The powder in the air cleared as Candy stepped down off the ladder, and the formerly punky-looking girl was now totally covered in the white powder, occasionally coughing extra little puffs of the stuff out in a comic fashion. Once bright and colourful, Pixie's skin was now as white as a clown herself! "Whoa! Pixie, I've heard of powdering your nose, but I think you took the expression a little too far!"
"You!!...CLOWN! You did that on purpose!" accused Pixie, little puffs of powder flying off of her with every angry exhale. The crowd laughed every time it happened!
"Did not! Why would I do that, I need this cake mix to make my delicious cake! Geeeeeeeez, try to think a little bit before accusing someone of something, powderpuff!" teased the clown, much to the delight of the crowd. It seemed as though they were totally on her side, even though Pixie was totally innocent.
"But now I'm -- urk!" Pixie was cut off again as Candy grabbed her and yanked her forwards once more, bag of cake mix in tow.
When she got to the table, she dumped a bunch of mix into the bowl, poured in a suitable amount of water and began mixing it vigorously with a spatula which rattled the bowl around everywhere. "Don't just stand there, Pixie, make yourself useful and hold this bowl steady!" cried the clown. Pixie let out a little huff and stomped over to help her. "Great! Now to add a tiiiiiiny bit more mix." With that, Candy dumped a ridiculous amount of powder in to the bowl and followed it up with a generous splashing over water which she quickly whipped up into a goopy, runny mess.
The bowl was so full that the clown began to splash little bits of the mixture over the side as she exuberantly swirled the mixture together. One careless pass coated the back of Pixie's fingers and hands with the slimey cake mix much to her chagrin. "Be careful you idiot! Look what you did to my hands!"
This caused Candy to turn and look at her volunteer. Unfortunately for her it didn't stop the whirlwind of mixing, and so a large dollop of cake batter was launched through the air and landed unceremoniously in the center of Pixie's chest. Pixie cringed and blushed while the crowd burst into laughter at her circumstance, all the while the cold blob of mess slid down her chest and into her shirt. "Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry! That was so clumsy of me!" apologized Candy with a huge grin on her face.
Pixie let loose a sigh and said, "It's okay, accidents happen I guess. At least you didn't get me in the fa--mppffpffffff~!!" Pixie had been once again cut off by Candy. As she was talking, the clown had grabbed another sizable dollop of cake batter on her spatula and launched it from close range directly into Pixie's face. This shocked the girl into silence, and she stood stock still only listening to the sounds of the audience's laughter with her bright red ears while the goopey mess slowly dripped from her face.
Candy used the momentary lapse in her surroundings to her advantage and quickly pulled a wide and deep cake shell out of the prop oven. She positioned it behind the stunned Pixie and filled it to the brim with the sticky cake batter before giving her assistant a hearty push. Pixie, still slime-faced and gaping, fell butt-first into the the makeshift cake.
Unable to escape the cake's sticky grasp, Pixie finally reached up and cleared some of the goop out of her eyes so that she could see a little bit. The first thing she noticed was the crowd, some of whom were pointing and laughing at her, and others that were holding their breath in anticipation. The second thing she noticed was the lack of her clowny adversary, and the cherry on top was when she finally realized that the two gigantic pies from earlier were also missing from their place on the shelf. She let out a resigned whimper and tightly shut her eyes in anticipation.
The two giant pies crashed into the sides of Pixie's head with a great big *splat*. The clown had smushed them together with such force that the cream exploded outwards everywhere, even covering the clown herself with a sizable helping of cream. Giggling happily, the clown continued to rub and smear the pies all over the trapped girls head and face as she addressed the cheering crowd for the last time, "Everyone give a hand to my lovely assistant Jen, she was a great sport, wasn't she?" As the crowd clapped and cheered the poor girls humiliation, Candy leaned down by her ear and whispered, "Really, that was a great job. You're a natural stooge! You should stop by the circus more often."
Through the thick mass of cream, Jen sputtered out the only thought that she could muster, "I....hate... CLOWNS!!"