Another rant about love.
| This last week has felt like an eternity. It's been one of the most painful, confusing, intense months of my life. I went to Warped Tour. Which is a beautiful experience, mind you. I... Being an adult sucks. Everything is so difficult to be able to do on your own. You still other people's help. But you're so, so alone. I am so alone.
I didn't know anything emotionally could hurt this bad. I guess it's this kind of pain that makes people kill. The thing I'm most afraid of is losing him forever. He's the thing I want most: to live a long, happy life with him. People say that there will be others. But I know no one like this. I may love other people, but I'll never love them like him. He'll always be "the one." And I want to be the one for him, too.
Im not entirely sure why he broke up with me. Many reasons, I suppose. We never really fought or cheated on each other. We just never got to spend time together anymore and nerves started getting hit... I want him to always be a part of my life and love me. How do you go about your life when all of your plans involved someone who doesn't seem to wanna do those things with you anymore? He said he misses me and wants to maybe someday get back together. But he never really texts me and I haven't seen him in over a month. I miss his eyes, his smell, his skin, his hair, his lips. God, do I miss his eyes and his lips. I miss his heart and his hands and his voice. The way he feels against me. No on will ever be like him for me.
He doesn't seem to feel the same way. How could he and push me away? How could he leave me here, alone, if he loved me as much as I love him? No matter how happy I try to be he's there. Every second of every day. I dream about him. I think about him constantly. Everything in existence reminds me of him, somehow. He's my everything.
There are so many things I wanna do in my life. I wanna marry him someday. Visit the Jungle with him. Start a business with him. Raise a family. Grow old. He is the most beautiful creature in the world to me. An amazing piece of existence.