As my wife is dying, I struggle to maintain my sanity.
Edge of Sanity
I am walking at the edge of sanity. It’s a slippery and treacherous path wet with years of tears, littered with the rubble of emotions and debris of past depression. I am in the latter stages of this mortal life and the sun is setting.
To one side there is a bottomless abyss of blackness. It is a dark so deep and thick that if you put your hand into it you could feel it sifting through your fingers and it is so loathsome and sinister in the way that it pulls at you, coaxing you to just take a glimpse or perhaps to just give up and let yourself fall, but in that blackness I know lays absolute nothingness. I am in such despair because I have been walking this path for what seems to be an eternity hoping to see an end to my journey and finally be in the Light.
I am tired, at times not knowing whether I am awake or sleeping, whether in a dream or in reality. There was a time when I was certain I heard His voice calling to me, but now I am not sure whether that was real or just a dream. Perhaps I missed a path or didn’t hear His voice when He called to me and have now gone beyond any hope of being saved. How long can this go on?
I call out time and time again pleading for help, hoping that someone will hear me. Please come for me…..I am so lonely and lost. I am walking at the edge of sanity.