A woman wonders about life
I have never met anyone with such little faith in humanity. I have my doubts and by no means would I leave my child with a stranger or stop my car for a hitchhiker but somewhere along the crime and desolation of the world today I would like to know of the glimmering hope of the human race.
My father had no hope. My mother was killed in a drive by shooting in a suburban area. What are the odds? Apparently a 1 in 8 chance of being targeted by some kind of crime. Except she wasn't targeted, she was simply an innocent bystander who got stuck in the cross-fire. It doesn't matter though, it ruined my fathers life and in doing so it ruined our relationship. I might as well be an orphan, my father never wants to speak to me, my mother is dead and here I am sitting on my front porch wondering about life.
It isn't that bad is it? Life? I see churches on almost every street. People are giving donations to those less fortunate. There are even children doing community service and not just because they have to. Police chiefs, politicians, teachers, they all want to 'clean up the neighborhoods' but their efforts seem in vein to me. There is more crime then ever, more drugs which I would suspect causes more crime.
I have seen those families on t.v. and in movies. Do they exist? I would like to think so. I have had friends in school that seemed to have good families. Maybe it was all a front to impress an outsider. Perhaps so, I don't know. I have wondered what it would be like, to have a mother and a father and maybe even a brother or sister. Maybe things wouldn't have gotten so bad. Maybe they would have gotten worse. What if my mother, while on that walk that fateful day, had a little one with her? What would that have done to my father?
It doesn't matter, thinking about such things. If wonder 'what if' all your life, how are you living in the moment? It would make it very hard to do so. I still have no family, have not found the meaning of life or anything like that, but I have faith. I have seen children wondering the streets get taken in by a family. I have seen people stop in the pouring rain to help an elderly woman. These things happen. You got to have faith.