A girl who is not who her family made her to be
My life. What a waste of existence. Working a meaningless job and making mediocre wages. The thing about my life is that I had major plans. I was going to go to school and study chemistry and make an impact on the medical world. The problem was that my plans didn't work out like I wanted them to. So here I am a 25 year old cashier, with no social life, and a very obsessed family.
Speaking of family, I thought they were supposed to bring you up and not tear you down for the things you didn't do. I may have went to six different colleges in a span of two years, but why does my failures dictate my accomplishments. I did more than most of my family members by graduating high school and at least attempted to go to college. I started off at a university and no community, but that wasn't enough for everybody. I had to go all the way as if they were banking on my life to create a better future for them. It's surpising what you become when you don't do what people expect you to do or let alone tell you you have to do. You become worthless, you become a loser, you become a 25 year old cashier. Though they may not tell you to your face, their actions speak loud and clear.
I'm Melanie by the way. I was the nerd in high school and now I am just a big disappointment to family. I get up everyday and work to try to provide for myself. I still live at home since it's cheaper for me. I have absolutely no savings to my name to move or even begin to look for a place. So I am pretty much stuck. That's my mind set anyway. It's a way out and I believe I will find it the day that I get up enough courage to tell everyone about themselves. You know their lives aren't perfect either, so how could they expect perfection from me.
“Melanie, I need you to get up and come take the kids to school for me”, a voice said coming from down the stairs. That's my mother. Her grandkids stay here sometimes to go to school. It is a little nerve wrecking at times, but I don't mind them. To them I am the mean one, but it's not purposeful. I am hard to show them that no one in this world cares about where they come from or who they are because everyone is going for the same thing in life. The American Dream. “Here I come, tell them to be ready and by the door”, I said getting dressed.
I grabbed my keys off the dresser and headed downstairs to take them to school. My mother was up making breakfast for my father as she do every morning. My father is a man of some character, but the last few years he has given up on his own existence. Funny how you can be on top one day and then your whole world comes crumbling down. He lives with it everyday. I used to feel a little sorry for him, but I got over that feeling. It is somedays when I feel as if he is trying to make us feel bad because of his situation, and I do give in to it. I was his baby, but as I got older I seen the truth in the light.
I headed out the door and got the kids in the car. I started it and began to drop them off to school when the car door opened. I figured the latch had to be pulled down. I parked the car and had the oldest of the car push the latch down, but that didn't work out too well. I got out pulled the latch down with ease. The thing about telling them to do anything is that I become increasingly frustrated if they don't follow my directions.
I dropped them off and went back home to get dressed for work. While getting dressed, I received a phone call from my sister Toni. “Hello”, I answered with moderate attitude. “Melanie what are you doing?”, she asked. “Getting dressed for work, why?” “What time do you have to be there and what time do you get off?”, she asked completely ignoring me. “I will be there when I get there, why do you want to know?”, I asked again becoming agitated. “I just want to know. You know you should really let that job go. You have so much more potential I don't know why you didn't finish school”, she said. I hated when she called me. This is the only reason besides borrowing money that she ever called me for. She called me to ask me about work and what time I had to be there. Then she called me criticizing my job, my life, and how I live. Her life wasn't the glorifying, so I hung up the phone on her.
It's funny how people can tell you about your life, but have not once stopped and analyzed their own. That's the problem with today's society. People spend so much time criticizing everyone else for their downfalls, as if they haven't fallen themselves. We would get along a lot better if she minded her own business and stayed out of mine. I have a purpose in life, I just haven't quite figured it out yet. I know my potential, but I can boil it down to something that I really love. I use art as an outlet for anger and self-expression, but I'm not sure what I want to do. I have time to think about it. It's never too late to do what you really want to do and that's what people fail to realize.
I put my phone down and finished getting dressed. My phone rung and I didn't bother to even look at it. I knew it was my sister texting me asking me why I hung up on her. It didn't matter. It's always the same thing with her. She always assume that I am mad when I do things like hang up on her, but that's not the case. I just don't need her critique to my life. I don't ask of her opinion for much of anything because any conversation we have as “sisters” never seem to stay between us and the whole world eventually knows.
I grabbed my name tag off the dresser and headed downstairs. I went to the kitchen to grab something quick to eat before work. My father was sitting in the living room watching tv as he does everyday. You just don't know the many days that I wish he was as active as he used to be, but I guess this is what karma does to people. I walked in the kitchen and grabbed something and started to head out the door when he stopped me. “You gotta go to work?”, he asked. I thought to myself, of course I have to work, I don't just put on my uniform to wear it around the house. But you can't say things like that to people, it is rude. It's just so irritating when they ask if I work when I clearly have my uniform on. “Yeah I have to go to work”, I said. “Well before you go grab me something to drink and my medicine”, he said.
This was the irritating thing. He sat less than 10 feet away from the things he wanted yet, he refuses to get up and get it. I don't say anything I just grab it, but I'm sure he can sense my agitation. “What time do you have to be to work?”, he asked. “I have to be there now”, I said. “Well nevermind I will get your sister to do it when she gets here”, he said.
My other sister, Vanessa, just graduated high school. Much like me in a sense, she went to a university, but decided to commute back and forth. She just recently enrolled back into school, but if you could hear the things people said when they found out she came back home before school even started. Our bond is a little better than Toni and I. We used to argue all the time, but as we got older we got closer. We have some of the same feelings about some of the things that go in. Honestly if you ask my opinion, I would say she regrets leaving school. Her focus is off and everytime she sits down to attempt to do homework, someone needs something.
Honestly that was my problem with school too. I stayed home and couldn't focus on what I wa9s doing and ultimately dropped out. I gotta rephrase that, I didn't drop out, I just put it on hold for the moment. But I get this feeling that if I don't go back soon, then I never will.