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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/2009313
Rated: 13+ · Documentary · Comedy · #2009313
Comical reasons why my wife drives me nuts.
My Wife's Name is INSANITY.



She washes my flash drive in my pants.  The one with my important "power point" presentation on it.

Complains that I never fold the clean towels, so I fold them, then she doesn't like the way they smell so she tosses them back in the machine.

Once a month she tries on all of her clothes to see if I still like them.

Can't back up the car without causing an accident.

Complains about the flies in the kitchen, but has the door wide open, cause the dog is out for a poop.

Neglected to tell me that she owes the IRS $10,000.00 in back taxes.

Opens the car window to cool off, when it's a hundred degrees outside and the air conditioner is on full blast.

Deletes important operating system .dll files from her computer, then expects me to figure out why it's not booting anymore.

Leaves the bath water running for three hours, while she surfs the web.

Buys clothes on Amazon when the fridge is empty and it's a week till payday.

Wakes me up at two AM to help her rearrange the furniture.

Watches The Doctors on TV (daily), and thinks she has every problem that they discuss.

Turns off the living room air conditioner cause she's cold instead of turning it down, then complains she's too hot an hour later, but doesn't turn it back on.

Asks for me to cook her favorite zucchini, mushroom and onion dish every afternoon, then, when I do it voluntarily, she doesn't want it.

Asks me what I'm good for, right after I installed a closet organizing system in her closet.

Thinks that housework is some sort of contest between us, and lectures me on how much more she did, at the end of the day.

Wants to have our (short haired) dog, shaved every summer to help with the flea problem but doesn't want to vacuum. 

Complains about the electric bill, but leaves all the lights on in the house.

Spends more time in front of her makeup mirror, than she does watching TV.

Keeps putting the dish back in the dishwasher, (the one with the cheese stuck to it that won't come off), until I finally scrape it off.

Leaves trash on the counter when the trash can is a foot away.

Won't wear the same clothes twice, but complains about all of the laundry that she has to do.

Changes the location of everything in the kitchen drawers and cabinets every 3 months without telling me.

Does whatever she wants, with everything I own.




Footnote:  No animals in this story were shaved.  I had to put my foot down on that idea.  If someone ever washes your flash drive, put it in a zip lock bag with a half teaspoon of uncooked rice for a day.  The rice will absorb all of the water, and the drive will work again.   



 


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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/2009313