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She opened her eyes and all she saw is black. She sits up and puts her hand in front of her face, waving it back and forth. All she sees is this black which covers everything in its wake. She screams inside her head attempting to release her fear over coming her being. With her hand she feels along the floor for something solid like a wall. There has to be something. She cannot figure out what this darkness is.
There is nothing here except this darkness which has swallowed everything. Her emotions are beginning to overwhelm her. She was worried before if anyone was around to see her. To see her embarrassment and helplessness of the situation. She does not care about anyone except how she feels. The fear gripped her body in a hold she cannot break. She falls over onto her left side and her body starts the convulsions. Her face is in a contorted state with her teeth banging against the each other uncontrollably. She is feeling her helplessness in full swing.
What is that smell? Every breathe she takes fills her nostrils with a putrid unbearable smell. Her eyes are starting to water and the tears are rolling down her cheeks. She tried to stop them. She does not want to feel all of these things. She is worried someone will see her. She is afraid someone will think she is crazy and not normal. Normal people do not cry. Normal people do not have physical fits with their body. For as far as she can see in the darkness, there is no one around. She is alone in this dark, dank, hole of madness. Alone with her thoughts. Alone with her emotions. Alone in her suffering.
After some time in this state something changed. She could feel the convulsions slowing down. Her teeth chattering has stopped. Eventually, the convulsions stopped. The smell is still there. She could feel something moving up her legs. Wondering what it could be, she took both hands and felt her legs from top to bottom. There did not seem to be anything crawling on her. She was hoping that it was not spiders, she is terrified of spiders.
Looking up, she is blinded by the bright light. Raising her arm up to shield her eyes it is the first time she actually sees her surroundings, her first reaction is shock. She sees a floor of black dirt that goes on forever. She sees everything is black, dark, and disgusting. The trees are broken and do not have any colour. There are piles of what looks like mud, sludge piles. The though she has running through her mind over and over again, she says this quietly to herself, “Where am I?”
She does not want to feel any of her emotions. She feels uncomfortable and yucky about herself and not sure why. As soon as she decides that she did not want to feel her emotions, the lights went out. She panics now that she is left again in the pure darkness. Left alone in the hole. She does not understand why this is happening to her. She remembers having a good life before this. She remembers having a husband with kids, and a dog. She remembers owning a clothing store that cannot be run without her. The panic of her current state has sent her in oblivion. Lying down on the ground with grief in the loss of the things she remembered as her life. The grief of the loss is being felt greatly through her body. She is not used to feeling so many emotions. She is going to rest for a while. Maybe things will be different later.