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Find the meaning of life and its purpose then get back toy me !!
My suicide letter

It's been a year since I begged God to end my life, but unfortunately I'm still alive. I wonder why God wouldn't take my life. I have wanted so much for Him to end my life because I don't see the sole purpose of living. There's nothing to look forward to, everything sucks. Life is just a cycle; you wake up every day and do the same thing you did years ago. Sometimes, I just have this thing in my mind that things will get better but, reality hits me so hard such that I have to wake up and see how the real world works.  Life keeps getting harder and harder.

Our lives are nothing but empty lives , full of anger , rage, despair, hatred, jealousy and what we call "love".  We have all wished at one point we died or even wished that we were never born. Tell me why that is, and has that feeling ever changed since then? I'm sure if the feeling has changed maybe it was probably something good happened. What happened was just temporary, something like someone made you happy, or maybe you got to see someone you liked. There is no permanent happiness in this world. Everything you believed in as a kid, you have to trash it and come to your real senses, life is meaningless, there's no point in living.

Sometimes we feel worthless , ugly , unwanted , too fat , too thin , lonely , white , black , rich , poor and everything else that makes you feel bad about yourself . On the other hand , myself , I always feel unworthy , lonely , lack of ambitions , lack of something to look up to , and most of all I've never felt what true love Is . All this has been running through my mind since I was a teenager. This made me loose hope in everything, it made me numb and detached from the real world. I always feel lonely, every day that I wake up and see the sun rays; I wish I would just die. Sometimes I feel like even when I die no one will ever remember me , something worse some people would never notice my absence . I wonder if anyone cares about me , I wonder if there's someone who looks up to me....i will never cease to wonder until I get some answers which I believe it's impossible to get

My suicidal thoughts have been going on, and I fear one day I may make the worst decision. Something that can never be reversed, I once read that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I would like to differ and say, it's the best decision one can ever make. I think suicide would stop all the slavery and pain one has to go through their whole life. Probably one might be happy in life after death, only the dead can tell us. I hope one day I will get answers from a person who knows the real meaning of life and its sole purpose. I hope to be alive by then , I'm still hoping one day someone somewhere will change my view about life , someday someone will make me smile again and embrace everything little good thing that happens in my life .

© Copyright 2014 Derrick Hill (josephmungai at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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