A Shell

Poem depicting how I feel when I am down with depression and my eating disorder.

A Shell
I look like me
or it seems to be that way;
I don't seem to be different
to others that see me each day.

yet I feel like a shell
of the person I used to be;
when I look in the mirror
I feel not the same, but I see me.

emptiness, distance, hollow
this is all replaced the happiness I had;
making me want to disappear
go inside my head again, making me sad.

this leads to no good
isolation rarely brings any hope;
being alone in the sadness, darkness
with bad choices on how you cope.

leaves the door wide open
for the me that shouldn't be there today;
that one was gone, tucked away,
the better one was here just the other day.

Why can't 'that one' be back,
she is safer, she is not a shell of me;
full of life and fun, she wants to live
that other me, some days I so long to forever be.

But today, I struggle...
it is very hard today just to want anything at all;
today is anything but fun, hard to open my eyes
to see what is in front of me... today I just want to fall.

Andrea Kine