A little insight into my life with schizophrenia
|I call myself Electus it's latin and means "chosen one" my other pseudonym "Neo" was too overused thus what i had done and others had done could not easily be distinguished. I find comfort in using a pseudonym I know I can still be found but it takes just that little bit longer. To give you a bit of background on me I'm 25 years old originally from England but now living in Ireland oh and perhaps the most important part to my writing is the fact I am schizophrenic. What is contained within this document is truth as seen through my eyes names of others have been changed but the actions remain the same.
I was always a bit of a con artist seeing if i could push things that one little bit further, Im the guy at age 18 gave a Chinese restaurant a health and safety inspection because I was bored that day, they had no clue I was from no regulatory body and thinking back I should have milked it for some free food but that thought did not occur at the time on a positive note I gave them a pass. I have spent nights out drinking without paying a penny just by talking to people I convinced one up and coming business owner that I ran a premier marketing company and would really like to do business with him so he brought my drinks all night long whilst we talked little did he know I was unemployed and never worked for a marketing firm let alone run one. I guess you might say I had good people skills but now they have turned to mush and the confidence I had has now very much dwindled due to my illness.
I used to and still do get real paranoid around people every car that passes me i clock the registration if the car passes me more then twice i run in a different direction. I used to have a number of lockers spread throughout my old hometown of colchester with a complete change of clothes in should i require them to change my appearance quickly.
In 2008 I had this notion in my head an idea if you will of going to stanstead airport with a team of people and creating a bomb scare people would of course drop their belongings and run for the exits whilst my team picked up laptops and other bags of interest and ran for the exits too this way you could rob a number of people at the same time with no possible way or recognizing the culprits among the confusion. Me being schizophrenic and delusional I went into colchester police station at 5am and told them this plan but i never used my real name so all the interviews were carried out under the name Thomas Griffin needless to say I was arrested for conspiracy to steal from another they found out my real name and the alias was busted. I was taken to a psychiatric institution called the lakes for evaluation i stayed there a week smiled politely and they said there was nothing unstable about my mind, the police agreed to let me go scott free provided i went to live in Ireland with my mother which I agreed to and ended up in Ireland I was sick but none could see it i lived with mum for a few months then moved into my own place, which was great except i would spend 19+ hours a day online looking at conspiracy theories and started emailing the British police using the pseudonym Neo again talking about how easy it would be to blow up stanstead airport to the point of four officers on behalf of Interpol turned up at my door and demanded i stop sending these emails.
I had a delusion which i thought was real and that is have you ever seen the matrix i believed that was real and that we all are in the matrix it was my job to free the people from within the matrix i got sent to as different psychiatric hospital because of this delusion. My delusion was maing me contemplate suicide to get to the other side of the matrix I also believed that the government and the illuminati wanted to kill me which caused me to have some quite strange habits like running past windows rather than walk so a sniper would have a harder shot to kill me.
The hospital I went to was a hell hole 14 beds in one ward just bed locker bed locker. There was a tv in a communal area but you would have to be up at the crack of dawn to stand any chance of controlling the remote. Breakfast was at 8 and consisted of cereal or porridge we ate in the common room in tables of four people, this was also the time the first medication of the day was given out. The ward had a smoking room which could fit comfortably 4 people in it it had a metal ashtray on the floor and you can guarantee someone would have urinated in it, the room stank of smoke and urine and had graffiti all over the walls. The nursing staff were ok and I got along with most of them. When I first arrived I had to be in pajamas all the time and was not allowed the belt around my dressing gown or laces in my shoes for safety reasons. Dinner was at 1 everyday and it would always be mashed potato with a meat of some sort and again this was another time for dispensing medication. I was still fixed with my delusions for months whilst in hospital and decided one day to escape to go to England to kill the prime minister (who I believed was a big player in the Illuminati) I was wearing pink pajamas and escaped out of the bathroom window I timed my escape so I could catch the bus to the ferryport but as I was running down the driveway of the hospital I saw the bus pull away and I knew I had missed it so I walked to the door of my ward and they let me back in. For three weeks I was not allowed shoes, socks or a jacket and had to have a nurse with me at all times. They eventually allowed me to use my laptop which had to be charged in the nurses station all i can say is there is only so many games of solitare you can play before you go even more insane. During the week if you could do art or play pool in the recreational therapy unit this is where i started painting but in a real abstract way. My time in hospital got me addicted to coca cola because it's all I would drink because I did not trust the water. One day a nurse spoke to the smokers and said a patient is coming in and by no means were we to allow him to have a lighter and the nurse asked that we keep ours hidden at all times. I hid mine under my pillow and made sure no one was watching as i did so, one afternoon i went to fetch the lighter and it was not there I asked some fellow patients had they seen it and they said yes and for me to look in the common room and there was the guy with my lighter setting fire to books. I flipped out and started shouting at him for stealing my lighter the nurses eventually calmed me down. I spent a year in that hell hole and they put me on a medication called clozapine.